


There Are Worse Things I Could Do...

by multifandomfics



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Grease AU, Homophobia (Mostly Internalized), M/M, Non Graphic Sexual Situations, Strong Language, sexism (minor)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-26 14:36:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7577953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomfics/pseuds/multifandomfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grease AU.  Bucky Barnes is the popular leader of the Howling Commando greaser group.  The summer time opened up a forbidden love that Bucky would have preferred to keep in the past.  Just his luck the new guy at school, Steve, was his summer love, and seeing him at school causes all sorts of problems that Bucky isn’t prepared to handle.  Bucky has to choose between being true to himself, or being the person that everyone else expects him to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Summer Lovin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amazing cover art by one of my fabulous artists working on this fic [Blackhaireddemon](http://blackhaireddemon.tumblr.com)

Chapter 1- Summer Lovin’ 

The sun peeked through the window.  Bucky opened his eyes too quickly and shut them again.  The first day of summer.  He groaned as he rolled out of bed and looked at the clock.  It was almost noon.   

Bucky walked out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, pouring himself some cereal.  He glanced out the window and saw his car. 

He shook his head, _gas money_.  His parents were more than happy to provide him with money for gas and other things during the school year, but they had made it very clear that things would be different come summer time.  He remembered his mother saying something along the lines of ‘ _It’d be nice for you to get out of your room this summer_ ,’ when they spoke about it the other night. 

Fortunately, he had always been charismatic enough, and wasn’t worried about finding a job.  It was just a question of _where_ he’d want to work.  Ideally, working in a garage over the summer could do him some good, but that usually meant long hours, and he’d like to have some time for himself.  Not to mention most mechanics worked all year round.  He wasn’t sure if any of them would even be looking for summer help. 

He could always pick up some work at the local diner, but too many of his classmates went there regularly.  No matter the prestige that came with being the leader of the Howling Commandos, he’d never be able to live it down if anyone saw him busing tables.  

He pinched the bridge of his nose, desperately trying to think of something he could do for money that wouldn’t land him on the bottom of the social food chain.  Nothing.  He sighed as he went to put the milk back in the fridge. 

Between an array of magnets, there was a note. ‘ _Off to the beach!  See you soon, dear. -Mom.’_   Bucky’s eyes widened.  _The beach_.  Maybe he could get a job lifeguarding.  That’d be relatively easy.  He’d probably just sit on the chair all day, and he was a fairly good swimmer.  There’d be no reason why he couldn’t jump in and help someone if need be.  Plus, the beach was far enough away from town that it wasn’t likely he’d see his peers everyday.  And even if they did, who would stick up their nose to someone trying to save lives? 

He went back to his room to get dressed.  He debated greasing his hair back like he usually did, but it was warm out and if he was going to be a lifeguard, he’d have to get his hair wet at some point.  If he was going to apply for a job at the beach, he might as well look the part.   

So instead of wearing his usual tight shirt and pants with his leather jacket, he settled for a tank top and shorts.  He felt kind of ridiculous, but his options were limited at this point, and he knew his natural charisma would only get him so far.   

He swallowed his pride as he headed out to his car.  He hissed as the leather seats burned his skin as he sat down.  He’d forgotten how hot the car would get when it was out in the sun.  Bucky sighed as he turned the car on and looked at the meter for the gas tank.  He still had about half a tank which was more than enough to get him to the beach and back.  After that though… let’s just say he really hoped he’d be able to get a job on the first try. 

He drove down to the beach, idly checking on his gas meter at every stop light, just to make sure he hadn’t overestimated how much gas he had.  Luckily, he seemed to be okay.  The arrow hadn’t even moved from its position at the halfway mark by the time he arrived at the beach. 

Bucky exited the car and walked over to the bait shop.  He made his way over to the counter.  “Hey, you know where I’d go to apply for the lifeguard position?” 

The man behind the counter practically growled as he put up his index finger and headed to the back of the shack.  Bucky raised an eyebrow.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.   

He turned to walk away when the man returned holding an application.  “Fill this out.  You’ll start tomorrow,” he grunted. 

“Don’t you have to ask me some questions, first?  You know, make sure I can swim or something?” Bucky asked as he took the papers from the man.  

“Well can you swim?” 

“Yes, but--” 

“Good,” he said, deadpan.  “You’re hired.  Anything else?” 

Bucky shook his head.  He wasn’t about to lose this job before he’d even started it. “No, sir.” 

“Just bring your own swim trunks. We supply the whistles,” the man said, almost as an afterthought, as he handed Bucky a pen for the paperwork. 

Bucky took it and began filling out the forms.  It was mostly basic stuff, like name, age, date of birth.  He only needed about two minutes to fill it all out and hand it back to the man.   

The man didn’t even look at what Bucky had written.  He just put the paperwork in a folder and grunted again. “You’ll be here bright and early tomorrow morning.  Beach opens at 6:15. You can leave around noon.  Obviously, you’ll be entitled to a lunch break.  Bring your own sandwich, or something that won’t be spoil the heat.  Also, sunscreen will go a long way.  The schedule goes up every Sunday.  Since you’re new, you’re getting the early bird shift this week, it won’t be like that for long.  We get a lot of kids who quit early on because they’d rather be seeing their friends. Pay your dues now and it’ll pay off later.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Not a problem.”  Sure, he wasn’t exactly thrilled that he’d have to get to the beach by 6:15 in the morning, but at least he’d be home early enough to have time to himself and maybe hook up with some girls.  Besides, he needed the cash. 

The man raised an eyebrow as he extended a hand.  “I’m Mr. Phillips. See you tomorrow morning.” 

Bucky shook his hand.  “Bucky Barnes.  Nice to meet you.” 

Mr. Phillips didn’t say anything else.  He just brought his attention to the person waiting behind Bucky, presumably to buy bait.   

Bucky didn’t stick around to find out.  He just walked back to his car.  At least he would get to spend the rest of the day relaxing… Well, after he found some swim trunks. 

* * *

 Bucky woke up at 5:30 the next morning and immediately regretted his decision to get a job down at the beach.  At that moment, he wished that he had just gotten a job at the diner.  At least they didn’t open until 8:00.  He quickly put on his tank top and swim trunks. 

Bucky ate breakfast quickly before running out of the house and into his car.  It was weird being the only car on the road.  The only good thing was that the beach wouldn’t be busy yet.  Maybe he could get a few winks in before people started showing up. 

He checked in at the bait shop.  Mr. Phillips didn’t say a word.  He just handed him a whistle and binoculars.  He motioned to the lifeguard stand on the beach and Bucky took his cue to go over there.  The beach was relatively small, so it made sense that only one lifeguard be on duty at a time.  Thankfully, he had enough foresight to bring his watch… which actually might have been a mistake, because he found himself checking the time every five minutes or so.   

Finally, a few people started filing onto the beach.  Mostly, it was just a few joggers and a group of sunbathers.  The only people in the water were just doing some type of water aerobics. He wasn’t too concerned.  He glanced at his watch again--only two hours had gone by.  Finally, around nine o’clock, the beach started getting busier.  

Again, the only major concern Bucky had was that there were a few kids unsupervised in the water, but it didn’t turn out to be a problem.  Bucky rubbed his forehead as he brought his attention back to the beach itself.  There were a lot of sunbathers and a few people still jogging.  Actually, one guy had been jogging around the beach since Bucky had gotten there.  It was a little odd, but maybe he was training for something.  Bucky didn’t pay much attention to him… or at least he tried not to.  It was impressive.  The guy was ripped to say the least and he wasn’t… unpleasant to look at. 

Bucky shook those thoughts from his head _._   He wasn’t like _that_.  He’d had his fair share of girlfriends.  Hell, he freaking _loved_ them.  It was natural to be impressed by hard work… that’s all it was.  It had to be.  Maybe it was just the heat.  He’d make sure to bring a water bottle the next day.  Clearly, he was getting delirious.   

He tried to focus on the water for the rest of his shift, but the entire time, his eyes kept going back to the godforsaken jogger, who should have just gone home at this point.  He’d been there just as long as Bucky, and it was almost 10:30 AM.   

He felt something knock into his seat and he looked down from his station to see Mr. Phillips. “Lunch break, Barnes. You’ve got forty-five minutes. Not a minute more.” 

Bucky nodded as he hopped down from the large stool.  He walked back over to his car and took out the bagel he packed for himself.  He was careful to avoid the leather.  He didn’t want to get burned again.  He leaned against the car, checking his watch idly.   

Before he knew it, he had to head back to his post.  The good thing was that he only had about forty-five minutes left in his shift.  Maybe when he got home, he could nap or something.  Maybe he’d take a ride out to Dugan’s and see what he was up to, but Bucky didn’t exactly want to advertise that he was working at the beach.  He loved his friends, but he didn’t want them hanging around while he was working.  Phillips didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would tolerate that, and he didn’t want to get fired.   

Besides, spending the summer apart might do him and the Commandos some good.  He wanted to spend time with his friends, of course, but the goal was to make as much money this summer as possible.  Bucky wouldn’t be able to do that with his friends hanging around.  If they heard he had any sort of income… he’d be paying for anything and everything. 

Bucky took his place on top of the chair and watched the ocean again.  There were some swimmers, but mostly just people putting their feet in or just standing there.  He was bored out of his mind.  Unfortunately, the jogging guy was still there, but at least he seemed to be taking a break from all the running around.  He was sitting on his towel,  not paying much attention to anything.  Bucky tore his eyes away as he continued to monitor the crowd.  He was glad to be heading home soon, and lucky for him, it seemed like he was just getting paid to sit there. 

Finally, it was noon.  Bucky hopped down off the chair as he saw his replacement walk over.  He handed over the binoculars as he made his way to the parking lot.  He uttered a quick “See you tomorrow,” to Phillips as he went over to his car. 

Bucky unlocked the car as he saw the jogging guy again.  He gave Bucky a slight wave as he ran towards the exit.  Bucky shook his head.  You had to be _crazy_ to run that much.  He got in the car and bit his lip because of the hot seats.  He had to pack a towel for the next day.  There was no way he was going to keep burning himself against the leather every day. 

He drove home, checking on his gas meter.  He was still okay, given that the beach wasn’t too far.  But he was going to need to fill it up soon, and he hadn’t exactly gotten paid yet.  Maybe he could convince his mom to give him a few cents now that he’d done what she asked. But he couldn’t be sure. 

He got home to see his mother sitting by the television.  “Where did you go so early?” she asked, not even looking at him.  “You with some girl?” 

“Nope,” Bucky said as he walked into the kitchen.  “I got a job lifeguarding.”  He poured himself a glass of water and gulped it down. 

“Really?” His mother asked, her tone perking up.  “That’s great!  Your father will be thrilled!  Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” 

He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I wasn’t sure if I was gonna like it.  It’s only my first day.  It might not work out.  But it wasn’t that bad.” 

“Good,” she said excitedly.  “Maybe you can save up some money for the school year.” 

Bucky nodded.  “That’s the plan.  Look, I’m gonna jump in the shower.  I feel kind of… disgusting from being in the sun all day.” 

“Okay. I hope you used sunscreen.” 

“Trust me,” Bucky said as he headed towards the bathroom, “I did.” 

* * *

 

The next few days were very similar.  The most excitement Bucky got was when one of the water aerobics swimmers stepped on a rock and fell… in the sand.  Bucky still went over to make sure the guy was okay. It gave him something to do.  But other than that, Bucky found himself spending his days zoning out, looking at the ocean, and trying to avoid staring at the jogging boy. 

Finally, it was Saturday--one day away from getting paid.  It was barely 9AM, and Bucky was in his usual spot.  Suddenly, he saw someone go down in the ocean.  He paused, unsure if whoever it was just decided to dive down.  But after a few seconds, they didn’t come back up.  Bucky jumped into action without even thinking.   

He raced into the water and waded over to where he saw the person go under.  He felt like he was moving in slow motion.  No matter what he did, he felt like he was taking hours to get there.  He finally made it over to the spot and thankfully, they weren’t in too deep.  Bucky swam down and plucked the guy from the water.  When Bucky pulled him up, he immediately started breathing.  Bucky dragged the guy on to the sand, and he began to choke up some water.  As Bucky got a look at him, he realized that it was the jogging guy.  Just his luck. 

“You okay?” Bucky asked as he wrapped a towel around the guy. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed.  “Yeah, yeah.  I think I just pushed myself too hard this morning.  I think I pulled a muscle or something.” 

Bucky nodded.  He definitely was _not_ getting wrapped up in the guy’s clear blue eyes.  “You sure?  Is there someone you want us to call for you.  We’ve got a phone in the bait shop you can use.” 

He shook his head.  “Nah, I’ll be okay.  Thanks… for everything.” 

“Don’t mention it.  This is the most exciting my job’s been since I started.  I guess _I_ should be thanking _you_.  I finally had something to do other than sit up there all day.  You’re sure you’re okay?” Bucky asked again. 

“Yeah, thanks.”  He repeated himself.  “I’m fine.  Next time, I’ll just pick either swimming or jogging.” 

Bucky laughed.  “Yeah. What, are you training for something?” 

“Not exactly.  I’m just trying to stay fit.  I usually play football in the fall, but… probably not this year.  Still, old habits die hard, I guess.” He began rubbing the back of his leg. 

Bucky glanced back to the ocean.  Hardly anyone was in there.  It was still pretty early.  “I’m just gonna get you some ice for your leg.” 

“That’s really not necessar--” 

“At least do it for my peace of mind.  You almost drowned out there,”  Bucky said as he raced off to the bait shop. 

Phillips raised an eyebrow as Bucky skidded to a stop at the counter.  “It’s not your lunch break yet.” 

Bucky gave him a look.  “Some guy got hurt out there and he needs ice.  I’ll be back at my post in a minute.” 

Phillips didn’t respond.  He just watched as Bucky filled a plastic bag with ice and ran back out to the beach.   

He brought the ice over to the guy and handed it to him. 

“Put it where it’s bothering you.  If you need anything else, just holler.” He motioned to his larger-than-life post. 

“Thanks again.” He took the ice from Bucky.  “I really appreciate this.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “It’s really not a big deal.  Try to be more careful next time.” 

He laughed.  “Will do.” 

Bucky headed back up to his post.  It didn’t take long for him to dry off considering how hot it was.  Honestly, the water had been a nice change from sitting in the hot sun all day.  Before he knew it, it was time for his lunch break.  He ignored Phillips as he went to eat his lunch in solace.   

The rest of his shift was uneventful, and he couldn’t get out of there soon enough.  Hopefully, the next day would be his last on the early bird shift and then he wouldn’t have to see the running guy ever again.  He got into his car and began to head home when he saw… the jogging guy _limping_ his way out of the parking lot.  Bucky silently cursed himself as he pulled up next to him. 

“Hey, you need a ride somewhere?” Bucky asked. 

He shook his head.  “Nah, I’m staying pretty close.  I can walk.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes and he pushed the passenger side door open.  “No you can’t.  Honestly, I’m in pain just looking at you.  It’s no big deal.  I’ll just drop you off where you need to go.” 

He looked like he was about to protest when Bucky spoke up again.  “Just get in the car.  At the very least, it’ll make _me_ feel better.” 

He nodded as he sat down in the car.  “Thanks for this.  I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name before.” 

“It’s no problem.  I’m Bucky by the way,” he said, trying not to let his eyes linger too long. 

“Steve.” He reached out to shake Bucky’s hand.  

Bucky shook the guy’s-- _Steve’s_ hand.  “Where am I dropping you off, Steve?” 

Steve pointed to the left.  “I don’t know the actual address. I’m staying with my aunt.  You’ve got to head left, though” 

“You go to school around here?” Bucky asked.  Clearly he didn’t go to Lehigh.  Bucky definitely would have recognized him.  

He shook his head.  “Nah, I’m from Brooklyn.  I’m just spending the summer in California.” 

Bucky nodded.  That made him feel a little better.  He’d never have to see this guy again once the summer was over.  “That’s pretty cool.  You must spend a lot of time in Manhattan.  That must be nice.” 

He shook his head.  “Nah, I don’t get out there nearly as much as I’d like to.” 

“Still, I’ve never been out of the state.  I’d like to get over there at some point,” Bucky said, just trying to create small talk. 

Steve nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice.  But I think it’s pretty great here too.” 

Bucky shrugged. “I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.” 

“Exactly. No one’s ever satisfied with what they’ve got, I guess,” Steve said.  He let out a low hiss as he rubbed his leg again. 

Bucky sighed. “You should probably stay off of that for a while.  You don’t want to mess it up any more than it already is.” 

Steve frowned. “Yeah, I guess.  Or I could just stick to water workouts.  It’s supposed to be very therapeutic.” 

Bucky snorted. “That didn’t really work out too well for you before.” 

Steve cocked his head to the side a little bit before teetering it upright again. “Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point there.  Make the next right.” 

Bucky turned right.  They were getting dangerously close to where he lived, which was just weird because he’d never seen Steve before that first day at the beach.  It’d certainly be awkward if they were neighbors. 

“The second left,” Steve piped up again. 

“You really thought it’d be a good idea to walk all this way?” Bucky asked.  He couldn’t imagine walking that far because he _wanted_ to.   

Steve laughed.  “I didn’t really have any other options. My aunt and uncle work during the day.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked. “What do they do?” 

“My uncle owns a small business and she helps out around there. I don’t have a license, because well, you don’t need one if you live in Brooklyn. So I kind of walk everywhere,” Steve said nonchalantly. 

“Well, if you need, I can drive you home sometimes.” Bucky wasn’t sure why he said it. But once he started talking, he couldn’t stop himself.  “I don’t live too far from here, so it’s no trouble.” 

“Wow, really?  I couldn’t ask that of you, but thanks for the offer--” 

“Really, it’s no problem.” Bucky could have slapped himself. 

Steve smiled softly and Bucky freaking _melted_.  _What was it with this guy?_   “Thanks, that’d be great.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Bucky said, mentally kicking himself. 

“Make another left at the end of the street,” Steve said idly.  “How long have you been a lifeguard?” 

Bucky laughed.  “Today was my fifth day… ever.  At least we know I’m not terrible at it.” 

Steve chuckled back.  “Definitely not bad at it.  Thanks again, by the way.” 

“You need to stop thanking me for that,” Bucky shook his head.  “You weren’t even that far in.  You probably would have been fine with or without me.” 

Steve bit his lip as he held back a light laugh.   _God that did something to Bucky, that he really wished it hadn’t._ “I’m not so sure about that.  You keep doing me a bunch of favors.” 

It was Bucky’s turn to laugh.  “Okay, first of all, I was just doing my job.  Poorly, I might add.  I wasn’t even sure if you were drowning or diving at first.  Secondly, I was not about to let you walk home on that leg.  That just makes me ‘not an asshole’.  It’s really not a big deal, Steve.” 

“I’m the third house on the left--with the yellow mailbox,” Steve pointed.  “Well, thanks again for this.  Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah.  I’m glad you’re alright, Steve.” 

Steve grinned at him and Bucky’s heart literally stopped.  _God!  This guy!_   Steve gave a small wave as he entered the house. 

Bucky banged his head against the steering wheel.  What the hell had he gotten himself into? 

* * *

 

The next day when Bucky arrived, the first thing he did was check the schedule.  He was still working the early bird shift most days the next week.  Luckily, Tuesday and Saturday he didn’t have to be in until noon; then he’d leave around 5:30.  It wasn’t terrible.   

He’d be able to sleep in some mornings--maybe he wouldn’t even have to see Steve those days.  At least the boy shouldn’t be there that day--not after his injury.   Or so he thought. 

Bucky didn’t even make it to his chair before he heard someone call his name.  He looked behind him to see Steve limping over to him. 

Bucky furrowed his brow. “What the hell are you doing here? I hope you didn’t walk all this way?” 

He shook his head.  “Nah, my aunt’s off today.  She offered to drive me.  She’ll be back to get me later.”  At least that meant Bucky wouldn’t be stuck in the car with him again.  Steve stirred something up in Bucky that he’d rather not think about.   

“Take it easy at least… we don’t want you doing anymore damage.” Bucky shook his head as he began to climb up his post. 

Steve nodded.  “Don’t worry, I’m just going to do some water exercises… where my feet still touch the sand.  I won’t be in too deep.” 

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose.  “I guess you can’t just appreciate a nice day off.  Maybe tan or something.”  Bucky definitely did _not_ picture what that would look like.  He did _not_ imagine Steve laying shirtless on the beach with beads of sweat rolling down his near perfect form.  He definitely did _not_ think about that at all. 

Steve laughed shyly, and god, he was going to be the death of Bucky.  “I’m Irish.  I tend to burn if I’m in the sun too long.  That’s why I try to get here early, before the sun’s at its peak.” 

“Sunscreen goes a long way.”  Bucky nearly kicked himself for the mental image that gave him.  He tried to replace it with thoughts of his ex-girlfriend Connie… yet somehow, that paled in comparison. 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah it helps.  I just don’t like to tempt fate.” 

“That’s a lesson I should learn,” Bucky called down to him.  _Like right now.  I never should have offered to drive you home to begin with._  

Steve smiled up at him, and god, Bucky wanted to drown himself.  What the hell was going on with him?  Whatever it was, it was Steve’s fault.  Bucky was perfectly normal before he came along, and now he was having… thoughts… about another guy. 

“I’m gonna try to get some exercises in.  I’ll see you later.”  Steve hobbled off with a wave. 

Bucky gave him a tight smile as he watched him go.  He rubbed his forehead trying to snap himself out of it.  Maybe it was just the sleep deprivation.  _Yeah, that could do it!_   Between the heat and the lack of sleep it was amazing that he didn’t think the _jellyfish_ were nice to look at. 

Still, as convincing an argument as that was, Bucky’s eyes kept gravitating to Steve.  The poor guy looked hopeless as he stayed in the shallow end and manipulated his leg.  It was a miracle he didn’t fall again.  Every so often Steve would turn and look up at him, give him a dopey smile, and then go back to what he was doing.   

 After about two hours, Steve got out of the water and headed over to his towel, which thankfully wasn’t in Bucky’s direct line of sight.  Maybe he’d be able to focus on his job for a while, rather than staring at Steve.  It worked--temporarily.  By the time nine o’clock rolled around, he felt something knock into his chair.  He looked down to see Steve beaming up at him. 

“Everything okay?” Bucky asked, trying to seem uninterested. 

Steve nodded as he handed him a water bottle.  “Yeah, thought you’d probably get thirsty up there.  Figured it was the least I could do… after everything you did yesterday.” 

_Looks and politeness too.  Bucky was fucked._   He gulped as he took the water bottle from Steve.  “Thanks. I must’ve left mine in the car.” 

Steve shrugged.  “No problem.  I’ve got a cooler full of them.  I never know how many I’m gonna need.  I usually go through at least five when I’m here.  But I’m usually jogging the whole time, not doing water exercises.” 

“Well, at least you’re taking it easy,”  Bucky said sarcastically.  Working out in the water for two hours was hardly a day off.   

Steve laughed.  “I’m gonna get back at it, in a bit.  Let me know if you need another water bottle.” 

Bucky smiled politely.  “Sure thing.” 

Steve grinned as he hobbled his way back over to the ocean.  Bucky shook his head.  The guy was definitely crazy, but he had to admire his determination.  Clearly not even almost drowning was enough to get this guy to take a day off. 

Luckily it wasn’t long until Phillips was relieving him for his lunch break.  At least he could get some time to himself by the car.  Thankfully the parking lot was far enough from the beach that he wouldn’t have to see anyone.  As he hopped down from his post, he saw Steve waving him over from the corner of his eye.  He could’ve just ignored him.  Hell, he _should’ve_ just ignored him, but against his better judgement, he walked over to him. 

“You done for the day?” Steve asked as he made his way over to him. 

Bucky shook his head.  “Lunch break.” 

Steve passed the cooler over to him.  “I’ve got a bunch of sandwiches in there. Help yourself.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow as he sat down next to Steve.  “So… why do you have multiple sandwiches?” 

“I’m usually here all day.  I’ve got to eat a couple of times, especially since I’m usually running for hours.  I kind of forgot to pack lighter today.  You’d be doing me a favor by taking one, I’d hate to throw them all out,” Steve said as he took a sip of his water. 

“You sure?” 

Steve nodded, his smile not faltering.  “I’m not gonna eat them all.  I probably won’t even eat a second one.  I’m not working as much off as I usually do.  Water workouts may be good for my leg, but I’m not exactly going to stay in shape doing that and eating as much as I usually do.” 

“It’s only one day, Steve,”  Bucky teased as he opened the cooler.  Man, he wasn’t kidding.  Steve probably had about five sandwiches in there. 

“Still, I don’t want to get into bad habits.”  Steve rubbed the back of his neck. 

Bucky took a sandwich out of the cooler.  It looked like ham.  He bit into it and it was actually pretty good.  A nice change of pace from his usual bagel.  “Thanks,” Bucky said with his mouth full.  “It’s not half bad.” 

Steve beamed like Bucky had just given him the best compliment in the world.  “Thanks.  I used to work at this deli back home.” 

“Yeah?  That’s pretty cool.  I guess you had to take leave or something when you came here for the summer.”  Bucky took another bite of the sandwich. 

Steve tensed a bit but gave a nod.  “Yeah.  Who knows, maybe they’ll take me back when I get home.” 

Bucky changed the subject.  “So you’re staying with your aunt and uncle.  That’s cool.  I hope your big plans for this summer weren’t to just run on the beach.  I’d imagine you could do that back in Brooklyn.  They _do_ have beaches in New York, right?” 

Steve smiled sadly.  “Umm… well _yeah_ we do, but I’m kind of just staying here to get out of my ma’s hair for a while.  She’s pretty sick, and my aunt thought taking me off her hands for a bit might do her some good.  This way she can just focus on herself and getting better.” 

Well, now he felt like an asshole. “Wow, I’m sorry.  I had no idea.” 

Steve grinned at him again. “Why would you? We’re practically strangers.  It’s just nice coming here, being alone with my thoughts for the most part.  It makes my aunt happy that I’m not just hanging around the house all day, and it gives me something to do other than worry about my ma all the time.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Honestly, I’m just trying to make some extra cash.  I don’t usually work during the school year so… hopefully I can make enough to hold me over until graduation.” 

“Well, they’re giving you plenty of hours here.  Ideally, you could meet your goal pretty soon.  So long as you’re not a big spender, of course,” Steve teased slightly. 

“Not really.  Most of my money just goes towards gas,” _and taking girls out_ , but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to say that last part out loud--like he didn’t want Steve to know that he was into girls or something--which he was. 

Steve laughed.  “Then I guess you should be okay.” 

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat.  “I certainly hope so.”  Bucky really wasn’t sure why opened his mouth again, but he couldn’t stop himself.  “If you ever just want someone to hang out with--you know to get your mind off things-- I’m usually around.  It’s not like I’ve been doing much other than lifeguarding anyway.” 

Steve blushed, and god if that didn’t do things to Bucky.  “Thanks,  I appreciate that.” 

“How’s the leg feeling?  I guess it can’t be too bad if you’re here doing exercises in the ocean.” Bucky took another bite of the sandwich. 

“It’s still sore, but not really as bad as yesterday,” Steve said. 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, I mean you probably wouldn’t be saying that if you’d walked all the way home yesterday.” 

Steve laughed again.  “You’re probably right about that.” 

Bucky checked his watch.  Time to head back already.  “Look, I gotta go finish up my shift.  I’ll see you later.” 

“Don’t work too hard,” Steve called to him. 

“Not likely,” Bucky muttered under his breath.  Pretty much all he did on his shifts were sit at the chair and try not to look at Steve… he was failing miserably at the latter. 

He took his post and watched the ocean.  The beach was slower that day, probably since it was a Sunday.  Most folks probably wouldn’t stop by until after church.  Luckily for him, by the time they got there, he’d probably be on his way out of the parking lot. 

The rest of his shift went by quickly, mainly because he nearly had a panic attack when an elderly man entered the water.  The guy looked like he was one gust of wind away from toppling over, but Bucky got off before anything happened.  

He got down from the chair as he saw his coworker approach.  He went to leave the beach, but he could practically feel Steve’s eyes on him.  He should have just kept walking.  Hell, that would’ve been the smartest thing he’d done since he got this job.  But, as history had shown, he was no Einstein.  He turned to see Steve, who was still sitting on the towel.  The good thing was that Steve wasn’t even looking at him.  The bad thing was that Bucky was not as averse to talking to the guy as he should’ve been.  Which was why he walked over to him by his own choice, with no pressure or persuasion from anyone. 

“Hey, I know you mentioned that your aunt was gonna get you… but I just got off work.  I’d be happy to drive you home.  It’d give your aunt one less thing to worry about,” Bucky offered.  He found himself hoping that Steve would say ‘yes.’ 

Steve smiled at him, but shook his head.  “Nah, that’s okay.  I don’t mind hanging out here for a little while longer.  She shouldn’t be long now.” 

Bucky looked back to the parking lot.  He should’ve been happy.  For once he wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussions of feeling whatever he felt for this guy.  But as stated earlier, he was a moron.  “I can wait with you, if you’d like.  I--I just don’t like the idea of you waiting by yourself with that bad leg.” 

“Wow, my hero,” Steve said sarcastically.  “You can stay if you want to.  Don’t feel obligated, though.  I’m a big boy.  I don’t need a chaperone.” 

Bucky shrugged as he sat down next to Steve.  “It’s not as if I’ve got anything else going on.” 

Steve gave him a toothy grin.  “Rough day?” 

Bucky shook his head.  “Well, I didn’t have to pull anyone from the water today, so that was nice.  That said, you made up for it by nearly tripping every time a small wave made its way over to you.” 

“I was fine,” Steve chuckled.  “I appreciate the concern, though.” 

Bucky laughed.  “Don’t take it personally.  I’m just trying to make sure no one dies on my watch.  I’m pretty sure I’d end up fired.” 

Steve licked his lips and Bucky could have sworn it was in slow motion.  He mentally snapped himself out of it as Steve continued talking.  “Yeah, I can’t imagine your boss would be too thrilled about that.  I’d imagine it’d be bad for business.” 

Bucky snorted.  “What, you don’t think Mr. Personality over there would understand?”  He motioned to the bait shop. 

Steve shrugged. “He doesn't seem too bad.  Probably just a little rough around the edges.” 

“Maybe… I don't know.  I think he prefers this job when the only people he has to deal with are the fishermen.  This whole beach thing doesn't seem like his cup of tea.” Bucky laughed. “I'm pretty sure that if I let someone drown, he'd throw my ass right into the ocean covered in chum.” 

Steve laughed again, and Bucky would never admit it, but he'd love to have that sound bottled up for safekeeping.  “Well then, I guess we need to make sure that no one drowns on your watch.” 

“Yeah, so you better try and make sure that you don't push yourself too hard again. Otherwise we’ll both be laying on the bottom of the ocean for the rest of eternity.” Bucky gave Steve a light shove.  

Steve put his hands up jokingly. “It won't happen again.  Scout's honor.” 

They both laughed and then after a moment, they paused. Bucky got caught in Steve’s blue eyes and then…  

Steve looked away and smiled lightly.  He waved to someone in the distance.  “My aunt’s here. I’ve gotta go. Thanks for… keeping me company.” 

Bucky wasn't sure if he was relieved or annoyed that Steve’s aunt had showed up.  Probably a bit of both. He quickly scurried up and helped Steve pack up his cooler and towel.  

He took the cooler as Steve picked up his beach bag. “Let me walk this over for you.  I'm sure the last thing you need is to be carrying a bunch of ice water, water bottles, and sandwiches with _that_ leg.” 

Steve shook his head. “It’s really not that bad. I can handle it.” Steve took the cooler from Bucky.  “Thanks anyway.” 

Bucky nodded as he watched Steve walk over to his aunt. She must have agreed with Bucky because the first thing she did was take the stupid cooler out of his hands. She rustled his hair a bit and then Steve followed her as she led him to the car. 

Bucky waited a little while before he went back over to his own car. He made sure that he got as much sand off of himself as possible. The last thing he needed was for sand to get in his car.  His father would never let him hear the end of it.  

He stopped by the bait shop to pick up his pay. There was an envelope written _‘Barnes’_ on it, so he took it and went over to his car.  

Bucky drove to the gas station and handed the guy 25¢.  The rest of his pay would go into his old coca-cola can. He kept all his money there and until that day, his funds had been sufficiently empty.  

Luckily, he had made good money that past week. $21 could get him pretty far. Despite the hours, this job was turning out to be a pretty good deal for Bucky. 

He finally arrived home and wasn't surprised to see that his parents weren't home yet. His mother was trying to be increasingly social. While his father detested it, she was insistent. Bucky was sure he'd hear him complaining about it whenever they got back home.  

Bucky headed to his room and plopped down on the bed for a moment before putting his money away. He considered leaving the house, he could always check in with the Commandos…but again, the second it came out that he had a job, the favors would never end. He considered stopping by to see Steve, but… there were about a thousand reasons why that was a terrible idea.  

He settled on the idea of taking a shower and then maybe a nap. He definitely did _not_ think about Steve… not even once.  

* * *

 

The next day was essentially business as usual…except not at all.  It was different, but a good different. The beach wasn't as busy--probably because it was a Monday. Steve was there and he was back to jogging around. Every time he passed Bucky, he'd flash him a smile and it didn't even bother him.  

Steve brought him a water bottle, not unlike the day before, and informed him that he had packed an extra sandwich for him.  It was all very endearing, especially since Steve has no reason to keep doing this. The first time was out of sheer politeness, but now… there was no reason at all.  

After his shift, Bucky made his way over to Steve. “Need a ride home?” 

Steve grimaced. “Only if it's not too much trouble.” 

Bucky waved dismissively. “You're practically on my way home. It's not a problem.” 

Steve grinned as Bucky helped him pick his stuff up. Bucky made sure to take the cooler. Steve may have been back to his old routine, but it was clear that he was still favoring the leg. 

Bucky placed the cooler in the backseat as Steve shook out his towel. He smiled at him as he walked over to Bucky. “Thanks again for this.” 

Bucky shook his head as he took the towel from Steve and placed it on top of the cooler.  “It's really no trouble.” 

“I could give you some gas money--” 

“ _Please_ , the sandwich and water are more than enough. Besides, you're not too far from my place anyway,” Bucky said.  

Steve opened his mouth to argue, but Bucky rolled his eyes. “Just get in the car, Brooklyn. Before I change my mind.” 

Steve gave a small laugh as he hopped in the car besides Bucky.   

“So, I know the general direction of where to drop you off, but you may need to refresh my memory,” Bucky said as he turned the car on. 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, of course.” 

Bucky pulled out of the parking lot.  The good thing was that he was able to actually focus on the road, and not on Steve… not _really_ anyway.  “Oh, before I forget, I’m working a different shift tomorrow.  If you need someone to drive you home, you’ve gotta make other arrangements.” 

“Oh.” Steve pouted. _That went straight to Bucky’s ego_. 

“Yeah.”  Bucky would never actually admit it, but he was a little disappointed by the fact that he probably wouldn’t see Steve the following day.  “I’ll be in, but just from noon to five thirty. 

Steve nodded.  “I’ll probably run home. It’s a good workout.  I’m just--it’s weird.  You’re pretty much the only person that I know here--other than my aunt and uncle, obviously.  It’s just gonna be weird not seeing you.” 

“I mean, it’s only for two days this week.  Otherwise, I’ll be there in the mornings.”  Bucky ran his hand through his hair.  He cleared his throat.  “If you want, though, you could always just wait until noon. I could pick you up on my way there, and then drop you off after.” 

Steve looked down with a small smile.  “As much fun as that sounds, my aunt’s only request is that I’m home for dinner, which is at five.  But maybe--maybe she’ll let me come by after.  I--If you wanna do something when you get off work tomorrow.  I can meet you back at the beach.” 

Bucky gulped.  Up until this point, seeing Steve had been a matter of convenience.  He hadn’t exactly gone out of his way for the guy, and usually the only thing he wanted to do after his shift was sleep, but …. “Yeah--sure. That could be fun.” 

Steve grinned.  “Yeah, and at least this way we’ll be able to see each other for more than forty-five minutes.” 

Bucky laughed.  “Uh--yeah, definitely.  Maybe I can show you around a bit.  Then you could do something other than just work out all the time--if you wanted to, I mean.” 

“Yeah, maybe.  It’d be nice to have the option at least.  Don’t forget to turn left at the end of the road.” Steve pointed to the intersection. 

Bucky nodded as he put his turn signal on.  “Either way, it’ll be nice to not have to worry about my boss giving me a hard time for socializing with the beach goers.” 

“Yeah, he seems like he can be tough,” Steve laughed.  “I’m sure he’s just rough around the edges though.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “Maybe.  If that’s the case, I haven’t gotten to the soft center yet.” 

Steve laughed, and it was _musical_.  Bucky should have known he was in too deep.  “Hopefully he pays well at least?” 

“Well enough,” Bucky confessed.  “I was able to put gas in the car, that’s all that really matters.” 

Steve nodded.  “That makes sense.  So long as you have enough for what you need.” 

“Yeah, my parents aren’t exactly helping me out this summer.  I mean, I get it.  I’m not complaining, this is just kind of my first job.”  Bucky turned the corner. 

“We all need to start somewhere, I guess.  Most people don’t decide to try and save people’s lives on their first job though,” Steve said. 

Bucky snorted.  “Don’t get me wrong, that part is great and important, but I didn’t exactly apply for ‘the opportunity to be a hero.’  I just needed to make some extra money and I knew they’d be hiring here.  It was mainly a matter of convenience.” 

“At least you’re honest,” Steve said with a slight shrug.  “You’re making money, that’s the important thing.  Also, it’s not like you’re stuck cleaning toilets or anything.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.”  Bucky pulled up to Steve’s aunt’s house.   

Steve sighed as he glanced at the house and then back to Bucky.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”  Bucky watched Steve enter the house as he sank down in his seat.  He had no idea what the hell he was doing.  He had an _out_!  Steve wasn’t going to be there at the same time as him and Bucky had gone out of his way to see this guy!  What the hell was he thinking?  Bucky shook his head as he made his way home… he had no idea what he was planning to do the next day. 

* * *

 

The next day was pouring rain.  Bucky sighed as he headed out to his car.  He still had to at least check in with Phillips, but he was pretty sure that the beach would be closed.  He didn’t even say goodbye to his parents as he walked out the door.  It’s not as if they would have noticed if he left anyway.   

When he arrived at the beach, he wasn’t surprised to see the parking lot nearly empty… except for Phillips’s car, of course.  Bucky rolled his eyes as he put up the hood of his sweatshirt and jogged over to the bait shack.  Phillips was there of course sitting in his corner. 

“This may be a stupid question,” Bucky spoke up.  “But is the beach closed today?” 

Phillips crossed his arms.  “Nope.  At least _you_ showed up for your shift.  The same can’t be said for the guy who was supposed to take the early bird shift this morning.  Take your post.” 

Bucky’s jaw fell open.  “Really?  It’s pouring.  No one’s here.” 

Phillips shrugged.  “We have a few fishermen out there.  Not to mention, some surfers may show up.  Plus the weather could let up at any time.” 

Bucky blinked as he looked over to the post.  He sighed.  “All right.” 

“Don’t worry,” Phillips called as Bucky walked over to his chair.  “We attached an umbrella.” 

Bucky looked up and saw that there _was_ an umbrella attached to his chair… it didn’t look as though it would help much.  It didn’t.  His shift felt like it was seven hours longer than it was.  The only good thing was that there was no lightning, otherwise, Bucky was sure he would have been toast. 

Finally, it was five thirty and Bucky practically ran out of the chair and went over to the bait shop and dropped the binoculars on the counter.  Phillips raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a word as Bucky ran over to his car.  He leaned against it, looking towards the entrance of the parking lot.   

Maybe Steve wasn’t coming.  Not that Bucky necessarily blamed him.  The weather was horrible and the guy would have had to walk.  Besides, he might have thought the beach was closed--as it should have been.  Still, it couldn’t hurt to wait for a little while.  He didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go. 

After about fifteen minutes of waiting for Steve to show up, Bucky decided to call it quits.  He turned to unlock the car when he heard something hitting against the pavement.  Bucky turned back around to see Steve running into the parking lot.  Steve grinned as he met Bucky’s eyes and jogged over to him. 

“I wasn’t sure you were gonna be here,” Steve called to him.  “I figured that I’d come by and check.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come so… I just waited for a little while.” 

They stood in silence, just looking at each other.  Steve still wore his stupid grin. 

Bucky motioned to the car.  “It’s coming down pretty hard.  Maybe we could just sit in the car for a few minutes--just until it lightens up and then I’ll show you around like I promised.” 

Steve frowned.  “I don’t want us to mess up your seats… aren’t they leather?” 

Bucky waved at him dismissively.  “It’s not a big deal.  Plus we’ve got the towels we can sit on.” 

Steve nodded as Bucky unlocked the car door.  They took a seat in the car as they watched the rain come down.   

“I just wanna wait until I can actually see where I’m going.” Bucky rubbed his neck. 

Steve shrugged.  “That’s okay, take your time.” 

Bucky tapped his fingers against the steering wheel anxiously.  “You mind if I put on the radio?” 

“Sure,” Steve said nonchalantly. 

Bucky turned it on, at first it was just an ad.  They listened to the advertisement talk about Coca-Cola.  They looked around the car aimlessly, not making eye contact.  It was painfully awkward.   

“I guess work wasn’t too busy,” Steve asked politely. 

Bucky shook his head.  “Definitely not.  It was just me and the fish.” 

Steve laughed nervously.  Clearly it wasn’t that funny. 

Finally the advertisement was over and just Bucky’s luck, Frank Sinatra’s ‘ _I Only Have Eyes for You_ ,’ started playing.  Bucky tensed up as he glanced over to Steve.  Steve was looking at him too, face slightly flushed.  Their eyes locked and as much as Bucky wanted to turn the song off, he couldn’t.  His gaze was glued to Steve, who wasn’t exactly looking away either. 

Their bodies were slowly but surely gravitating towards each other.  Their foreheads were touching and he could feel Steve’s breath on his face.  Their noses bumped slightly, and then their lips met slowly and sweetly.  Any doubts Bucky had left his mind as he grabbed the back of Steve’s neck and pulled him closer.  One of Steve’s hands made its way to Bucky’s hair, tugging slightly.  His other had melded with Bucky’s, who began rubbing Steve’s hand with his thumb. 

Bucky repositioned them for better leverage.  He couldn’t get close enough to him.  He was laying over Steve, who was trying to deepen the kiss.  Bucky nipped at Steve’s bottom lip, and _god_ being here with the other boy was like nothing he could have imagined. 

Bucky jumped as the radio began to buzz with static.  He groaned as he detached himself from Steve.  He sat up and Steve moved back into a sitting position as well, moving his legs so Bucky could sit right.  Bucky turned the radio off and ran his fingers through his hair.   

He chuckled as he looked to Steve.  “I guess I wasn’t misreading your signals then.” 

Steve laughed as he rubbed his forehead.  “Definitely not.” 

“Look, I--” 

“I know this is--” 

They both stopped and laughed awkwardly. 

“You first.”  Steve motioned to Bucky. 

Bucky sighed.  “God--I--I’ve never… with another guy before.” 

Steve looked down and nodded.  “This must be pretty weird for you.” 

“I wouldn’t exactly say ‘weird’--just different.  I’ve only dated girls before.  This is new territory.”  Bucky put his head in his hands.  He had no idea what this meant. 

Steve bit his lip.  “If you don’t want to see me anymore, I can start working out somewhere else.  I don’t want to make things difficult--” 

“I wasn’t exactly and unhappy participant.  Just don’t expect me to bring you home to meet my folks right away.  I wouldn’t even know how to explain this to them,” Bucky said, avoiding Steve’s eyes. 

Steve nodded slowly.  “Look, I’m not exactly--I’m not hiding who I am.  But--I’m not-- I’m not advertising it either.  If you want this to stay between us for now, I’m comfortable with that.  I know that the world isn’t the best place for guys like us.” 

Bucky nodded back but he didn’t really understand.  He _wasn’t_ like Steve.  Steve was the first guy he ever liked and would probably be the _only_ guy he ever liked.  That said, he had a point.  People wouldn’t understand that if they got caught fooling around. 

Steve laughed to himself as he took Bucky’s hand in his.  Bucky had to admit it felt nice.   

He could do this.  At most it would be for the summer, and then Steve would have to go home to Brooklyn.  At the very least, this could help him get this whole thing out of his system, and then he could return to his normal life. 

With that, Bucky closed his eyes and jumped head first into whatever this was.  He grabbed Steve’s head and pulled him in for a kiss.   

“Let’s do this, Brooklyn,” Bucky said as they pulled apart. 

Steve smiled widely as he threw his arms around Bucky’s neck.  Steve kissed his lips and Bucky had never wished he could stay in one moment for the rest of his life more than in that instant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me about it on [tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	2. Tell Me More

Chapter 2- Tell Me More 

The summer ended as quickly as it began.  Steve and Bucky had said their goodbyes, and it actually was much harder than Bucky had originally thought it would be.  Sure, they had agreed to write, but… Bucky didn’t really see that happening.  He wasn’t so good with his words anyway.  Writing would only give him more of an opportunity to mess everything up.  At the very least, he and Steve were able to end things in the only civil way possible. 

Bucky grabbed his hair grease and headed to the bathroom.  The first day of school.  He greased his hair back and stuck his comb in the back pocket of his too-tight jeans.  Bucky sulked back into his bedroom.  He was _not_ hung up on Steve.  The summer had been great, but it was time to snap out of it.  He was going to have a great senior year with his friends.  There was no way he’d spend his time moping about some boy from the summer. 

Bucky put on his leather jacket for the first time since the beginning of break.  It still fit like a glove.  The back of it read ‘Howling Commandos.’  It’d be nice to see the gang again.  He was sure they all had lots of catching up to do.  Bucky already had a script memorized of what he’d say.  He’d spent the summer with some girl down by the beach… that was it.  It wasn’t _completely_ untrue.  But if Steve had been a girl, then it wouldn’t have been a lie at all.  That was just one detail he didn’t need his friends to know. 

Bucky grabbed his keys and his sunglasses.  He walked over to his car and sat down.  His heart nearly stopped as he saw something laying in the passenger side seat.  Steve had left his towel there from the week before.  He stared at it for a moment before folding it up and laying it in the trunk.  He could always drop it off at Steve’s aunt’s place, but he was sure they wouldn’t miss one towel. 

Bucky took his place back in the driver’s seat.  He pushed all thoughts of Steve out of his mind as he made his way to the school.  It was strange driving to school instead of the beach.  He hadn’t been there in months and he was sure the lot would be busy.  Luckily for him, no one would dare park in his spot.   

Bucky pulled into his usual spot and walked into the school, not paying much attention to anyone.  As he walked to his locker, he saw girls blush and giggle as he walked by.  He smiled to himself.  At least he still had the same effect on women. 

He glanced at his schedule, uninterested.  Bucky had never been a model student and was sure he’d spend more time cutting class than attending.   

Bucky glanced down the hall and saw Connie, his ex.  She was laughing with one of her friends.  She glanced Bucky’s way and her smile faltered briefly, before she gave him a polite smile.  He returned it, not really sure how else to respond.  She walked towards him and Bucky opened his mouth to say something when he felt someone clap him on the shoulder. 

He turned around to see Dum Dum Dugan standing behind him.   

“Barnes!” Dugan proclaimed a bit over enthusiastically.  “Where’ve you been all summer?” 

Bucky shrugged nonchalantly.  “Met a girl down by the beach, no big deal.” 

It wasn’t long before the rest of the Commandos were crowding around.  Falsworth and Dernier were talking about some class.  While Gabe and Morita were just approaching. 

“So who was the girl?” Dugan asked putting his arms out, making a much bigger deal of it than it had to be. 

Bucky smirked.  “You guys know I don’t kiss and tell.” 

They all groaned. 

Falsworth shook his head.  “That’s what you always say, and then you end up blabbing to us anyway.” 

Bucky chuckled.  “Maybe later.  What were you dummies up to?  Probably just slept all day.” 

Gabe snorted.  “It’s not like all of us had a partner to help us out with that over the summer.” 

“God, is that all you think about?” Bucky teased.  “That’s why you’re never gonna get a ‘partner.’  Girls aren’t like that, you chump.  There’s a process.” 

They all laughed at that, while Gave waved dismissively.  “I don’t know why I bother with you, Barnes.” 

“Ah, c’mon.  You know I’m just messing around.  I’m sure you’ll get a girl before the school year’s over.”  Bucky said with a slight shake of his head.  “Where are the girls at?  I saw Connie but--” 

Dernier groaned.  In his thick french accent, he said, “They were busy _drooling_ over some new guy.” 

Bucky shook his head.  “That’s not like them.” 

“Yeah, well, let’s just say Donnie Blake must be glad football tryouts were over the summer, because this guy looks like he could probably give him a run for his money.” Dugan chortled. 

Bucky combed his hair back with his fingers. “Well, I guess that’s good for Donnie Blake, then.” 

He glanced back to where he saw Connie before.  She was gone.  It was probably better this way.  He wasn’t exactly interested in getting back with her anyway.  It would have been a nice distraction from missing Steve--even though he _wasn’t_ missing him.  Not even a little bit. 

“I’ll catch up with you guys later,” he said as he made eye contact with another girl down the hall.  She smiled and gave him a little wave. 

Dum Dum laughed as he saw what Bucky was looking at.  “I see you’re not gonna start slow.  Just remember we’re going to the pep-rally tonight.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “It’s the first day and they’ve already got a pep rally?  Why do you guys care anyway, I’ve never known any of you to give a shit about football.” 

Gabe laughed.  “We don’t, but the girls said they were gonna be there so…” 

Bucky nodded knowingly.  “All right, all right, I’ll be there.” 

 “See you in Auto Shop, ninth period--” Dugan began. 

“ _And_ in lunch, fifth--” Falsworth interjected 

Bucky snorted.  “What are you guys, my wife-- _wives_.  Look I’ll be there all right.  Don’t get uptight about it.  If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to graduate this year and not get held back.  If you need me, I’ll be sleeping in Erskine’s class.” 

They jeered as he walked towards the girl, flashing her his signature smile and a wink as he continued to pass her by.  Bucky always took his time.  He mostly let the girls come to him and it worked more often than he originally thought it would.   

He headed to the classroom, not really paying much attention to whatever the subject was.  He could only imagine the headache he’d get if his mother got a call saying that he cut class on the first day. 

One of the SSR girls entered the classroom, Angie Martinelli.  She was nice enough, kind of got under his skin like the sister he never wanted.  Still, it would be nice to talk to her instead of pretending to care about Erskine’s science experiments.  She grinned as she met his eye and walked over to the back of the room.   

She plopped herself down next to him.  “Hey, Buck.  How’d the summer treat you?  Dugan said you spent it with some girl?” 

“Yeah, don’t get any ideas either.  She’s not from around here, just visiting for the summer.  How about you?  Meet anyone special?” 

She snorted.  “As if, Barnes.  I spent the whole summer waiting tables across town.  Made some nice dough though, I won’t complain.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, I lifeguarded down by the beach, made some extra cash.” 

“Well that explains why we didn’t see you at all over the summer.  The girls and I thought you might have knocked someone up.  I’m glad to hear that you were just working weird hours instead.”  She shrugged matter-of-factly. 

He laughed.  “I don’t think that I knocked anybody up this summer.”  _That was the understatement of the century._  

“Thank god, we don’t need a mini- you running around,” She teased.  

“Do the other girls have class together?” Bucky tried to create some small talk.   

She waved dismissively.  “Who knows?  Peg was showing the new guy around. I think she was just trying to get her flirt on before Sharon could swoop in.” 

Bucky laughed the Carter sisters were very close but there was often some friendly competition between the two.  It wasn’t surprising, considering the two were both gorgeous in their own rights, not to mention smart and cunning.  Many of the boys in school tried their best to get with the typically unattainable Carter sisters.  None seemed to have much luck until this new guy came along. 

“Lucky him,” Bucky said, drumming his pen against the desk.  “Must be one helluva guy if he can interest the Carters.” 

Angie hummed.  “I guess so, if you’re into those big meathead types. I was kind of surprised that Peg was interested.  Sharon kind of makes sense, she’s younger, dated a few guys that fit this guy’s type but… Peg’s not usually one of those girls who goes for those types of guys.” 

Bucky sighed.  The last thing he wanted to talk about was this new guy.  He listened to Angie talk on and on about waitressing and seeing the girls the past summer.  She was a gossip, but Bucky found her endearing.   

The rest of his classes dragged on.  He’d never taken much of an interest in school.  He mainly saw it as a social opportunity, rather than an academic obligation.  He frequently cut class and while he promised his mother that he’d be on his best behavior, that was proving to be easier said than done.  The last thing he wanted was to sit in class all day listening to old men lecture at him. 

Luckily, lunch came around and he met with the Commandos on the bleachers.  Most of the guys were just talking about what they did over the summer or which girls looked their best.  Bucky passively listened, glad that he wasn’t being asked to share. 

Unfortunately it was short lived.   

“Come on, casanova.  Tell us about that chick down at the beach, Barnes,” Falsworth teased. 

Bucky laughed, flashing his signature smirk.  Just because he didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t mean he was going to let his friends know that. “You really want to know?” 

Dugan snorted.  “It’s not like any of _us_ saw much action this summer.” 

Bucky shook his head playfully.  “Oh so that means I have to tell you all the details of my summer hook ups?  Look she was great--” 

“What did she look like?” Gabe piped up.  “She look like Connie?  You typically have a type, Barnes.” 

“No.  Nothing like Connie,” Bucky said truthfully.  “She was blonde--really physically fit.  Her legs… well I’ve never seen anything like them.  And god those _lips_ … sinful.  Her eyes were real blue, and--” 

“What about… you know…” Dernier motioned to his chest area. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  Not quite sure how to describe _that_.  Steve didn’t exactly have breasts.  “They were nice _enough_ , I guess.  Nothing too special in that department.  She had a nice can though.  But you’re missing the point, gentlemen.  _This_ is why you didn’t get any action this summer.  Girls need you to pay attention to _all_ of them, not just specific parts.” 

Dugan chortled.  “All right, we get the picture, she was nice to look at.  How’d you meet? What’d you do?  What was so wrong with her that she decided spending the summer with _you_ was a good idea?” 

“Well,” Bucky stood up and leaned against the railing.  “She wasn’t exactly blind, for starters.  I guess she just wasn’t immune to my masculine charms.” 

Gabe waved dismissively.  “Come on, man. If we wanted to watch you pat yourself on the back, we could have just waited until one of the girls came by.  Just answer the questions.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “We met down at the beach.  She was there almost every day.  One day she swam out too deep and got herself into a bit of trouble.  Being the heroic gentleman that I am, I came to her rescue.  She was so grateful, she practically followed me around for the rest of the summer.  She started bringing me sandwiches and drinks everyday.  After a while, I started driving her home, one thing led to another and… I don’t really need to spell out the rest for you do I?” 

Morita scoffed.  “Come on, Barnes.  Don’t make us beg.” 

Bucky shrugged nonchalantly.  “Yeah, yeah.  She was _good_ , it was definitely a nice way to spend the summer.  In fact I was kind of disappointed that it couldn’t go on for longer.  She needed to head home, otherwise I might still be at the beach.” 

That seemed to be all that he had to say, because one of the guys let out a low whistle as they began talking amongst themselves.  

 Bucky sat back down and brought his attention back to his sandwich.  It was nowhere near as good as the ones that Steve used to bring him.  He felt a small pool of guilt begin to bore its way into his stomach.  He didn’t like lying to his friends, and he definitely didn’t like talking about Steve in that way.  The summer really had been nice, but… he wasn’t sure they would understand.  He had built up an image of himself over the years, and he wasn’t ready to give that up yet. 

Dugan came up next to him and nudged him with his shoulder.  “Barnes, you never mentioned it, what was her name?” 

Bucky gulped.  He couldn’t very well say ‘Steve.’   

He shrugged.  “Didn’t pay much attention.  I think it was Samantha or something like that.” 

Dugan nodded, but didn’t say anything else.  Bucky was grateful that the attention seemed to be off of him for the time being.  He glanced down the bleachers.  By the edge of the school, he could barely make out the SSR girls.  He was really only able to identify them by their sandy jackets.  Sitting next to who he assumed to be Peggy had to be the new guy.  From what he could tell, the guy was blonde and all the girls seemed to have their attention on him.  Good.  He was glad that someone would have the attention other than him… he had enough on his plate. 

Bucky stood up and fixed his hair.  “Listen, I’m gonna bounce.  I’ll see you in Auto.” 

They didn’t pay him much attention as he got up and walked over to the parking lot.  Part of him was seriously considering ditching the rest of the day.  Unfortunately, his mother was definitely home, and if she saw him… the last thing he wanted was the lecture that would come with playing hookey.  

He leaned against his car, flashing his occasional smile when a girl would walk by.  He shook his head.  This was proving to be harder than he thought it would be.  As much as he tried to pretend it didn’t bother him, he genuinely _missed_ Steve.  What had started out as a casual hookup had turned into so much more, and Bucky wasn’t sure if there was any coming back from that. 

Bucky checked his hair in the mirror.  Even if he didn’t feel like himself, he should at least look the part.  Once he was satisfied with his appearance, he sulked back into the school.  He avoided the cafeteria and made his way over to his next class.  He was early… which was definitely a first for him.  He sat in the back of the classroom.  At least this way, he could probably go unnoticed or pretend that he was sleeping. 

Luckily for him, he didn’t seem to share any classes with his friends for the rest of the day, aside from Auto shop.  Luckily, in shop, most of his friends were genuinely interested in the course.  Most of them would probably go on to be in mechanics or some sort of blue collar worker, this was an actual skill they could use in the real world. 

Once class let out, Bucky practically raced to his car.  All he wanted was to go home.  Unfortunately for him, Connie got in his way.  She was waiting by the car by the time he made it over there. 

“Hey, stranger.”  She smiled softly.  “I missed you this summer.” 

Bucky smiled tightly.  “What are you doing, Connie?” 

She shrugged.  “I was hoping we could talk… about us.” 

“There is no us, you made that very clear,” Bucky said.  “Look, I moved on, and maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to try that too.  Look, we tried it and _you_ ended it.  I got over it.  I’m not gonna stand here and pretend that nothing happened.  This is what you wanted.” 

She frowned.  “I thought the summer apart would be good for us, James, but I was wrong.  I thought maybe we could try it again.” 

Bucky shook his head.  “I don’t think so, Con.  Look, what we had was fun while it lasted, but like I said I got over it--over _you_.  We can be friends, I’m sure you’re still hanging with the SSR girls, and I’m still with the Commandos, so we’ll see each other.  We just won’t be _seeing_ each other.” 

She opened her mouth to protest as he hopped in the car.   

“I’ll catch you around, Connie.”  He drove out of the parking lot and didn’t look back.  He and Connie had been together for nearly a year, then she accused him of cheating--which he wasn’t-- and ended it.  He wasn’t about to just get back with her.   

Bucky pulled into the driveway.  His mother was sitting on the couch, reading her magazine.  She didn’t even acknowledge him as he entered the house.  He walked past her and went to his room.  He plopped down on the bed.  He took a deep breath, as he pressed his palms against his eyes.  He thought this would’ve been easier.  He groaned as he looked at the clock on the wall.  The last thing he wanted was to go to the stupid pep-rally that night.  But he had an image to uphold. 

Bucky looked at the ceiling, he wanted to go back to the beach--back to Steve.  This was supposed to be easy.  Steve was supposed to be a distraction for the summer, but he couldn’t stop thinking about him-- _missing him_.  He thought going back to school would distract him, but he kept wishing Steve was there.  Not _actually_ there, though.  Close enough that he could see him, but far enough that he wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone.  Impossible.  He was lucky to have had the summer--he knew that-- there was no way he’d be lucky enough to have it long term. 

He rolled off the bed and headed to the shower.  At the very least, maybe this bonfire/pep-rally would be a nice distraction from Steve-- or the _lack_ of Steve.  Once he was done cleaning himself up, he redressed himself.  He exited the bathroom and saw his mother by the oven. 

“What’s for dinner?” 

She looked at him and smiled, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes.  “Meatloaf.  It should be done soon.  How was school?  I assume since I didn’t get any phone calls that you stayed out of trouble.” 

He shrugged.  “It was fine.  Let me know when dinner’s ready?” 

She nodded as she turned her attention back to the meal.  His mother tried… she _really did_ , but she always got along better with his sister.  When Rebecca left home without a word… it messed with everyone, but his mother especially.  She never really looked at him the same way once Rebecca left--almost as if she was thinking _‘Why couldn’t you have gone instead?’_   His father on the other hand saw his sister’s departure as a disappointment.  He was always harder on her… it was probably why she ran off. 

He hadn’t thought about his sister in a long time, he wondered if she was happy.  She had always been a bit lost, and then she met her boyfriend--he wasn’t sure if that guy was even still in the picture.  But she left with a note saying not to look for her.  Bucky wished she would have stayed.  She always gave him the best advice.  She probably would have told him how to handle all this if she were there. 

When his father got home from work, they ate in silence as they usually did.  His dad read the newspaper, while his mother obsessed over her magazines.  Bucky just ate and left for the pep rally.  It had to be better than sitting there. 

* * *

 

It wasn’t.  The bonfire was a bore.  He just listened to his friends obsess over which girls they thought were hottest--as if he was friends with people who could afford to be picky.  Bucky wasn’t even that picky and he had far more game than the rest of the Commandos.   

Luckily the Carter sisters came over, Peggy and Sharon.  

“Hello, boys.  Keeping busy?”  Peggy asked as she took a seat on the bench. 

“Nice summer, Peg?” Dum Dum asked. 

She gave a half shrug.  “I suppose.  We did have a lovely trip to London.” 

“It was great,” Sharon said sitting next to her sister. 

Bucky laughed.  “Yeah, 13?  I thought you hated going back every year.” 

The Carters were originally from England.  Peggy was two years older than Sharon, so she still had the accent … Sharon had lost it over time. 

“Really, still with the nickname, Barnes?”  Sharon rolled her eyes. She had began hanging around them when she was thirteen years old, and Dum Dum had given her the nickname ‘13’.  It just kind of stuck. 

Gabe laughed.  “You’re like our good luck charm.” 

Sharon snorted.  “Nice try, Jones.  You’re pick up lines need some work.” 

“We want you to meet the new guy.  We think he may be Commando material,” Peggy said crossing her arms. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “From what I’ve heard he’s a total jock.  Why would you think he’s a good fit for the Howlies?” 

“Give him a shot?  He’s new, and doesn’t know anyone in town.  You could _try_ and be a little welcoming.” Peggy said mirroring his eyebrow raise. 

Bucky shrugged with a laugh.  “We’ll give him a shot, Carter.  Not making any promises though.  You know, just because you’re SSR doesn’t mean you have to exclusively date Commandos.  I don’t think anyone would mind if you dated an outsider.” 

She rolled her eyes.  “Don’t be daft, Barnes.  I’m just trying to be polite.  That’s a trait _you_ could try to work on.” 

“How about I don’t and say I did?”  He teased with a wink.  “I promise we’ll give him a chance--if he even wants to join.” 

“Thank you,” Peggy said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. 

Bucky sighed as he sipped his pop.  “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna chuck this.”  He motioned to the napkin in his hand.  He walked to the nearest trashcan and threw out the paper cloth.  He went to go back to the group when he saw him. No--it couldn’t be.  Steve was standing off to the side, hands in his pockets, looking at the bonfire. 

Bucky looked around to make sure no one was watching him as he made his way over to the other boy in a panic.  As he reached Steve, the other boy turned and stared at him.  His mouth opened slightly, as they just stared at each other. 

“Buck--” 

“I see you two have already met,” A voice from behind him cause him to jump.  Lorraine, one of the other SSR girls, came over to them. 

Bucky’s heart pounded.  How the hell was he gonna talk his way out of this one?  This could _not_ be happening.  It had to be some terrible nightmare that he was going to wake up from.  It wasn’t. 

“Bucky Barnes,” he said like an idiot as he extended his hand.  Praying that Steve would just play along. 

Steve looked at him confused, and then his expression hardened.  He shook Bucky’s hand swiftly and firmly.  “Steve Rogers.  We’ve actually met before.” 

Bucky gave him a look, trying to say _‘Really?  Cut me some slack!’_.  “Yeah?” 

“Yeah, you worked at the beach over the summer,” Steve said, practically glaring at him. 

“Oh, really?”  Lorraine asked, as she draped an arm over Steve’s shoulder, and Bucky almost wanted to cut it off.  “I heard Bucky spent most of his shifts fooling around with some girl.  Probably why he doesn’t remember you.” 

“Really?” Steve said, and Bucky could hear the anger in his voice, even if Lorraine couldn’t.  “Funny, I don’t remember--” 

“You know what,” Bucky interrupted him.  “I think I do remember you.  Weren’t you the meathead who literally just ran in circles all day.  I’ve gotta say I was worried about your mental health-- everyone else said you were harmless.” 

Anger and hurt flashed across Steve’s face all at once.  He went to open his mouth when Peggy, Sharon, and the other Commandos walked over.  Bucky wanted to die right then and there. 

“Boys this is Steve.  Steve, these are the boys,” Sharon said with a smirk.  “I see you’ve already met ‘Buchanon’ over here.”  She motioned to Bucky. 

Steve didn’t say anything.  But if looks could kill Bucky would have been dead one hundred times over.  Not that Bucky would have deserved any less. 

“Apparently, they already know each other,” Lorraine said, smirk still present on her face. 

Peggy raised an eyebrow.  “How so.” 

“Steve used to work out on the beach where Bucky worked over the summer.  Small world.”  She leaned against Steve, and Bucky could have sworn he saw red.   

This was an impossible situation.  Part of him _wanted_ to grab Steve and kiss him until their lips bled, and the other part of him _needed_ his friends to stay in the dark about his summer hook-up. 

“Microscopic,” Bucky said trying to sound uninterested. 

“Well that’s good then,” Peggy said enthusiastically.  “Maybe you can consider letting him into the Howli--” 

“No--not yet,” Bucky said way too quickly.  He composed himself, and cleared his throat.  “There’s a process, Carter.  I’m not the only vote.” 

She crossed her arms.  “Excuse me, but you’ve been running this gang of misfits since you were old enough to bark orders.  Now suddenly it’s a democracy?” 

“New recruits have to go through a process, Carter.  I don’t question how you SSR girls handle things.” Bucky put his arms out. 

“It’s okay, Peggy.” Steve spoke up.  “I’m not sure that I’m ‘Howling Commando’ material.  For one thing, I have more than a shred of self respect for myself.  I’m no follower, and I’m definitely not about to follow _him_.” Steve’s eyes bore into him as he walked away. 

Peggy looked to Bucky, confused.  “What did you do?” 

“Don’t worry about it, Carter.  I bet your boyfriend will still like you regardless of how he feels about me,” Bucky said rolling his eyes. 

“Barnes,” She said warningly. 

“ _Fine_ , Carter.  I’ll talk to him,” Bucky said angrily walking off after Steve.  By the time Bucky found him, Steve was already half way across the parking lot. 

“Steve,” He called after him.  “C’mon.  Can we talk--” 

“Go to hell,” Steve yelled back as he continued walking. 

“At least just let me explain--” 

“I don’t want to hear it,” Steve shot back.  “Have a nice life, Bucky.”  With that Steve broke out into a jog and no matter how fast Bucky ran, he knew there was no way he’d be able to catch up.  Bucky sighed in defeat as he watched Steve run out of sight.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	3. There's Nowhere to Hide

Chapter 3-There’s Nowhere to Hide 

Bucky didn’t even bother heading back to the bonfire.  He just got in his car.  After the day he’d just had, he really didn’t need to have the Carters yell at him for scaring away their new favorite boy toy.  He entered the house and walked right past his parents, not saying a word--not like they would have said anything anyway.   

He went into his room and closed the door behind him.  Then he did something that he hadn’t done since Rebecca left.  _He_ _cried_.  Bucky Barnes was _never_ one to cry.  Even when he was younger, he just got _angry_.  But today… today had been awful.   

He had simultaneously managed to get Steve back and push him away within a period of thirty seconds.  He was being pulled in two vastly different directions.  On the one hand, the summer with Steve had been amazing and, as much as he tried to fight it, the feelings Bucky had for the other boy were very real.   

On the other hand, it was 1958.  No one in the small California town had anything nice to say about people who messed around with people of the same sex.  Not to mention Bucky wasn’t ready to lose _everything_.  He could only imagine how his friends and family would react.  At least his mother might get her wish and finally have an excuse to kick him out.  This way, she wouldn’t have to see him anymore.   

A few hours prior, things were far simpler.  While Bucky might have managed to keep Steve from spilling his secret at the pep rally, there was no reason why Steve wouldn’t tell everyone the moment he got to school the next day.  Unless… maybe Steve didn’t want anyone to know either.  Being the new kid had to be hard in its own right--never mind being the new kid who likes to take it up the ass.   

There was some consolation in thinking about that.  If Steve had really wanted to, he could have exposed him in front of everyone at the rally.  Yet he didn’t.  Maybe… just maybe, he could make this work.  If Steve was okay with keeping things secret then there was no reason why they couldn’t fix things.  Sure, Bucky would have to apologize first.  That was a given, but he was always charming and he didn’t see any reason why Steve wouldn’t forgive him if he just explained everything.  Maybe he could have _both_.  He could have Steve and keep his image maintained.  It was a long shot, but he could at least try. 

* * *

 

 The next morning, Bucky just snuck into the classroom, not wanting to explain himself or his behavior to the guys or the Carters.  Unfortunately for him, he forgot that Angie was in his first class.  She plopped down next to him and crossed her arms. 

He tried to ignore her, not in the mood to deal with the interrogation.  She tapped her foot against the ground and let out a huffed sigh.   

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Can I help you with something, Martinelli?” 

“What the hell, Buck?  You couldn’t just be nice?” Angie shook her head in disbelief.  “I can probably count on one hand the amount of favors that Peg has ever asked of you, and you can’t even put aside your pride for two seconds!  What’s the problem?  You hung up on her or something?” 

Bucky almost laughed. Sure Peggy was beyond pretty, but he wasn’t interested.  Not in _her_ anyway.  He couldn’t very well tell Angie, _‘No, I’m not interested in Peggy.  I just used to tongue her new boyfriend down by the beach.  No big deal.’_    

“Not exactly, Angie.  It’s complicated--” 

“Yeah, Lorraine mentioned that you two met over the summer. What were you competing over the same girl or something?” 

“Something like that,” Bucky said as he rubbed his forehead.   

She rolled her eyes.  “Well, if what you’ve been telling everyone is true, then you won.  Let it go.  Like it or not, he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.  The least you could do is try and get along.” 

“I’ll do my best,” Bucky muttered as the rest of the class began to file in.  They didn’t talk for the rest of the day. 

Lunch was easier.  The guys either didn’t care about what happened at the bonfire, or they were too afraid to say anything about it.  Bucky guessed the former was true, since everyone seemed as relaxed as they usually were. 

“Hey, Buck,” Gabe said, moving over to where Bucky was sitting on the bleachers.  “I’m picking up a car today.  I was hoping maybe you and the other guys could help me fix it up?  It’s a bit of an eyesore-- but it was cheap.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, no doubt.  Maybe it can double as our assignment for Auto.  I really don’t want to mess around with my own car in that class, but if you want to fix yours up…”  

“Yeah, sure.  I was thinking that too.  I know you put a fair amount of work into your own car, already.  I figured you may have picked up some skills along the way,” Gabe said, sitting down next to him. 

“I know some stuff,” Bucky said honestly.  “But it may be better if we’re supervised by an actual mechanic. I don’t want to ruin your ride.” 

He laughed.  “Trust me, once you see it, you’ll know why that’s not possible.” 

 Bucky chuckled back.  He knew he was lucky.  His parents had bought him a nice new car for his birthday the year before.  It was probably to make up for their lack of parenting, but still he was glad to have it.  The most he ever had to do to it was a tune up here and there.  To do a lot of work on Gabe’s car definitely required the help of the Shop teacher.   

He glanced down the bleachers.  The girls were sitting in their usual spot and Steve appeared to be with them.  He couldn’t help but stare.  Not even twenty four hours ago, Bucky had thought Steve was out of his life for good.  Now he was here, and Bucky had to figure out how to get him back. 

The rest of his day dragged.  Even Auto Shop wasn’t interesting enough to keep his attention.  In fact--his whole week passed this way.  The only good thing was that Friday, they had all agreed to go to the diner.   

Bucky wasn’t really looking forward to it.  He was sure that within the first thirty seconds of him being there that Peggy and Sharon would start giving him a hard time.  He was already beating himself up over the whole thing.  He really didn’t need their help.   

Luckily, the guys seemed to be uninterested with all the drama.  At least he wouldn’t have to worry about them taking Peggy’s side over his. They entered the diner and--just Bucky’s luck--Steve was there… with _Sam Wilson_.   

Sam Wilson and Bucky _never_ got along.  Not that they necessarily had a problem with one another, they just never seemed to see eye to eye on things.  Sam was the typical All-American guy.  He ran track, always tried to do the right thing, and was likely to be valedictorian if Peggy hadn’t beat him out for it.  Bucky was none of those things. 

“The girls are already here.” Falsworth motioned to the usual booth, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts. 

Bucky tore his eyes away from Steve and Sam as they walked over to their booth.  Unfortunately for him, Bucky could still easily see them from where he sat.  It was eating at him.  What if something was going on there?  Bucky was not about to lose Steve to _Sam Wilson_.   

“I’ll be right back,” Bucky muttered as he stood up and walked away from the table.  He made his way over to Steve and Sam--not even caring if anyone was watching him. 

Steve looked at him and raised an eyebrow as Sam turned around.  

 “Can I help you with something, Barnes?” Sam asked, clearly amused. 

Bucky stiffened.  He hadn’t exactly thought this through.  “Relax, Wilson.  I just need to borrow the new kid for a sec.” 

Sam crossed his arms. “In case you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of talking.  Maybe, if Steve wants, he can find you later.” 

Bucky sighed, trying to control his temper.  “If it’s all the same to you, Wilson, I’d like to talk to him now--” 

“I’d kind of rather you didn’t,” Wilson said with an amused smirk. 

“It’s okay, Sam,” Steve spoke up with an equally entertained smile on his face.  “I’ll be right back.” 

Steve stood up, and Bucky motioned to an empty booth.  Steve rolled his eyes as he walked over and sat down.  Bucky took his place across from him. 

“What do you want?” 

“Why are you here with Wilson?” Bucky cut in. 

Steve crossed his arms.  “You don’t get to be jealous after how you acted.” 

Bucky groaned.  “I really am sorry about that, Steve.  You’ve gotta believe me.  I wasn’t expecting to see you here, and no one knows about _us_ , and I panicked.  I know it’s not a good excuse, but I _am_ sorry.  For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.  I’m not so glad you’re here with Wilson, but I’m sorry.” 

Steve sighed as he looked back to Sam for a moment.  “He’s not embarrassed to be seen with me.  Besides, he’s nice.  He’s trying to get me to join the track team.  It sounds fun.” 

“I thought you played football,” Bucky said. 

“I usually do, but try outs happened over the summer, and this was pretty sudden--me staying here, I mean.” 

“Why is that exactly?  A week ago, you told me you were heading back to Brooklyn?”  Bucky asked, trying to suppress the urge to grab Steve’s hand. 

Steve looked down.  “None of your business… but… my mom got worse.  They needed to admit her to the hospital… I’m staying here until further notice.  I was really glad to see you at first, and then… then you did what you did.  It’s not just gonna be fixed by you sneaking away from your friends and saying sorry.” 

Bucky nodded. “I’m sorry about your mom.  What do you need me to do? I want to fix this.” 

Steve sighed as he stood up.  “Just make an effort.”   

Bucky thought about that for a moment as Steve went to walk away.  “Wait, wait, Steve.” 

Steve turned back to him, eyebrow raised in interest. 

Bucky leaned forward lowering his voice.  “You haven’t told anyone about… us, have you?” 

Steve’s face fell.  “Are you kidding me?  Is _that_ what this conversation was about?” 

“No, no.  Steve, it’s not.  I swear.  I just… .” He looked around.  “I need to know.” 

Steve shook his head.  “No, I didn’t tell anyone.  I don’t do that.  I’m not out to _expose_ you or anything--I’m just trying to get through the school year.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, I get that-- thanks by the way--for keeping this between us.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Steve muttered as he walked back over to Sam.   

Bucky sauntered back to his friends.  He sat down at the booth and began looking at a menu, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. 

“What was that about?” Peggy asked, her arms crossed. 

Bucky shrugged.  “I was just apologizing to your boyfriend, Carter.  No big deal.” 

She raised an eyebrow.  “Really?” 

“Yes, really.  You can ask him if you want.  Look, maybe we’ll discuss letting him into the Howlies… _maybe_.  It’ll be a discussion.” Bucky tried to sound casual. 

Peggy shook her head a bit, but seemed satisfied with his answer for the time being.   

Bucky paid no attention to her as he watched Steve from the corner of his eye.  He really wasn’t sure what Steve meant by ‘make an effort’ but he’d be damned if he didn’t at least try.   

* * *

 

The weekend was supposed to be easy.  Bucky didn’t see Steve once and he hardly even thought about him.  He spent most of his time with the Howling Commandos.  They were inspecting Gabe’s new car.  He wasn’t kidding when he had said it needed work. 

“It’s not that bad,” Bucky said, failing to sound optimistic. 

Gabe shook his head.  “It’s hopeless.  The Hydras are gonna give us hell for this.” 

Bucky laughed incredulously.  “Doubt it.  Have you seen that hunk of junk Rumlow’s been driving around in?  It makes yours look like a brand new Cadillac.” 

Dum Dum piped in.  “Besides, once we fix this bad boy up, it’s gonna be great.  I bet you won’t even recognize it.” 

“Not to mention the ladies will be all over you,” Falsworth chimed in. 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, I bet Lorraine’s been lonely now that the Carters have claimed the new guy.  Connie sure liked cars, if you could put up with her craziness for more than a few hours, you’d have a shot with her.” 

“You’re not getting back with Connie?  The girls said you two were trying to work it out?” Dernier jumped in. 

“ _She_ ’s trying to make it work.  I’m over it,” Bucky said honestly. 

Morita laughed.  “Lucky dog.  You’ve got all the ladies after you, even the ones who told you to get lost.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “I wouldn’t exactly call it lucky.”  _Especially since the only person I’m after happens to be a guy._ “Trust me, once this car is in it’s prime, Gabe here will be giving me a run for my money.   

The guys broke off into conversations as Bucky looked under the hood.  He had a limited knowledge of cars, but even he could tell that it needed a lot of work--maybe even a new engine.  It was in rough shape, but fixing it up wouldn’t be impossible. 

What was going to be impossible was figuring out how to “make an effort” with Steve.  He wasn’t sure what to do or how to do it.  The summer had been so much easier, now he was walking an impossible tightrope--trying to have his cake and eat it too.  Even he had to admit that it was only a matter of time before he fell on his face.  That didn’t mean he couldn’t try, though. 

Bucky leaned against Gabe’s car and racked his brain.  Well, Steve _did_ seem to like athletics.  Whenever he wasn’t with Bucky, he was working out.  Steve _had mentioned_ that he used to play football and was currently thinking about running track.  Bucky wasn’t much of a runner.  Sure, he was pretty fast, but the idea of running around the track for hours on end seemed like hell.  Maybe he’d try for the swim team.  If anything, the summer had taught him that he was a pretty decent swimmer, not to mention that team could use all the help it could get.   

He glanced back at his friends who were laughing at something Dugan had said. Bucky shook his head.  He couldn’t exactly tell them that he was going to go out for the swim team… they’d never let him hear the end of it.  The good thing was that these guys didn’t pay any attention to that stuff.  He was surprised that they even knew Donnie Blake was the quarterback of the football team. 

He brought his attention back to the car.  “Hey, Gabe.  A nice paint job might go a long way with this thing.  I think part of the problem is that it looks like you stole it from the factory before they got to finish it. A nice paint job and wax should at least help with the appearance.” 

Gabe nodded. “Too bad those things cost money, Barnes.” 

He shrugged.  “At the very least, there should be some sort of paint available at the school.  Not sure what colors or quality, but beggars can’t be choosers.  The other parts and things… I’m sure we can find a way around that.” 

“You talking about stealing parts,” Dugan asked with an eyebrow raised. 

Bucky chuckled.  “Wouldn’t exactly be the worst thing we’ve ever done.  Let’s not jump to conclusions yet, though.  For all we know, all you’ll need are a few cheap parts.  Something that mowing lawns a couple of weekends could take care of.  If not… we’ll revisit the other option.” 

Gabe nodded as Bucky closed the hood of the car. 

“So,” Morita spoke up, crossing his arms.  “What do we all think of Carter’s new friend?  She’s been pestering me about convincing Buck to let him into the Howlies.” 

Bucky swallowed and his face hardened.  “He’s an okay guy, I guess.  I wouldn’t say he’s Commando material though.” 

The rest of them just sort of shrugged or rubbed the back of their necks.  They clearly weren’t about to disagree with him--not unless he asked their opinion. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “I don’t know him, though.  Any thoughts?” 

“Well--he’s got to be--slightly Howlie material if the Carters like him so much.  They tend to keep to themselves,” Falsworth said, not looking him in the eye. 

Dernier nodded.  “We could just consider him--as a courtesy to the girls.” 

“He may be a little square, but he might be a good fit, Barnes,” Dugan confessed. 

Bucky shrugged.  “Maybe.  I’ll-- _we_ can consider it.  I just feel like we shouldn’t let the guy in after knowing him for a week.  We’ll see how it goes.”  Bucky kicked himself for not just vetoing it and moving on.  Balancing Steve and his friends was going to be tough enough without having them in the same place all the time. 

The conversation died there.  As much as he was pretending the group was democratic, nothing would be approved without Bucky’s say-so.  He left it alone as he ran his comb through his hair nonchalantly.   

“I’m gonna fly.  Mom gets weird if I’m gone too long.  I’ll catch you later.”  Bucky walked away, not looking back to see if his friends cared or not.  He just wanted to go back to the summer.  He was able to be with Steve then without worrying about the repercussions.   

He got in his car and just drove around.  The last thing that Bucky wanted was to go back home.  His mother was in one of her moods, and his father was off god knows where.   

In a perfect world, he would have just drove over to Steve’s aunt’s place… but he couldn’t.  He hadn’t exactly started ‘making an effort’, and he didn’t know what exactly was going on between Sam and Steve.  A lot could be said about Bucky, but he wasn’t the type of guy to swoop in and steal someone’s girl--or in this case _guy_.  So he just drove--and tried his best to avoid thinking about anything at all.  He had nowhere to go.  He had at least hoped that his friends would have been a nice distraction, but he was wrong. 

So he did the only thing that he could think of.  He drove down to the beach.  It looked different now.  There were still a few families visiting, but for the most part it was barren.  At most Bucky could make out a few fishermen in the distance.  He stayed in his car and thought about how easy everything once was.   

He glanced at his passenger seat.  Bucky could almost _see_ Steve sitting there like he used to.  He could practically feel Steve’s hand in his own, could practically taste his lips on his mouth. Things had been easy as breathing over the summer… now, not so much.  

Bucky slumped back in his seat.  What he would give to go back to that time.  If only he could've spent the rest of his days in an eternal summer with Steve.  Unfortunately, that was not the world he lived in. 

Bucky didn’t stay at the beach for too long.  Despite using his mother as an excuse, she really did get out of sorts if he was gone for too long.  It was a side effect of Rebecca, no doubt.  However, it seemed that she thought that making a fuss with Bucky, it would magically bring his sister back home. 

When he walked through the door, his mother face brightened for a moment before realizing it was him and not his sister.  Upon the realization, her face fell ever so slightly, but the disappointment was clear in her eyes.  Bucky never mentioned it.  He knew she didn’t do it on purpose, and she tried, genuinely she did, but Rebecca wasn’t coming home. 

Bucky just went into his bedroom without a word.  He didn’t know where his father was and it wasn’t unusual.  His parents used to be quite popular socialites.  His mother usually put on a good face and insisted on going out--even after Rebecca left.  However, most weekends since the end of the summer, she’d resorted to staying in.  Granted, money wasn’t allowing for them to go out as often as they wished.  His father made decent money and his mother used to work part time as a secretary ‘for the thrill of it’ but she’d stopped that after Rebecca left.  Plus, his father seemed to be at the office less and less. 

Perhaps money was tighter than his parents were letting on.  It could also explain why they insisted on the summer job.  The summer job that had gotten him into this big mess, in the first place.  He plopped down on his bed and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes.  He had really dug quite the hole for himself to get out of this time. 

So far his plan was simple and there were plenty of things standing in his way.  For one thing, he wasn’t even sure if the swim team was still taking people.  For another, he didn’t even know if he could make the team.  Sure, he could swim, but he’d never actually raced another person before.  Even if all that worked out, Steve was seeing someone else.  Or at least it sure as hell looked that way.  Why would Steve choose him over someone who wouldn’t want to hide?  He probably wouldn’t.  The worst of it was in a perfect world, if Bucky had managed to work it all out, he’d still have to play an impossible juggling match.  Trying to balance Steve, his friends, and keep everyone else from knowing about his would-be-relationship with the other boy.  He was _fucked_.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on[Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	4. You Better Shape Up

Chapter 4- You Better Shape Up 

Monday was chaotic.  Bucky tried his best to just avoid Steve altogether.  It really shouldn’t have been that hard--except now that Carter and 13 were speaking to him again, there were a lot more activities that Steve was invited to.  Even lunch became a combined thing, with Steve and Sam sitting awkwardly with the Howlies and SSR. 

The result was that Bucky would usually just take it upon himself to work on either his own or Gabe’s car in the parking lot instead.  Unfortunately for him, that didn’t do him much good either, because Steve and Sam took to jogging around the lot.  It was almost like Steve was doing it on purpose.  Like Steve knew exactly what he was doing to Bucky.  It didn’t help that Bucky practically dropped whichever tool he was using or banged his head if Steve ran by.  It was ironic that seeing Steve run at the beach attracted him initially, and seeing him run now made it impossible to ignore. 

Bucky cursed under his breath as his picked up the wrench he dropped after seeing Steve this past time.  Maybe he’d be better off just staying and having lunch with the others.  But it seemed as if Steve only went jogging when Bucky _wasn’t_ there, and ate lunch with the group when Bucky did.   

If Steve was trying to make a point, then it was still unclear to Bucky.  If Steve wanted Bucky then where did Sam Wilson play into all of this?  It didn’t make much sense, but Bucky couldn’t do it anymore.  He caved, and at the beginning of the next week he went right down to the gymnasium. 

Bucky ignored all the looks he got as he made his way over to the coach.  Even he knew that he stood out like a sore thumb.  Here he was walking through in his jeans, leather jacket, and slicked back hair while the others were in proper workout clothes, like tank tops and shorts.   

“I was thinking of joining the swim team,” Bucky said to the coach, who looked at him as if he had twelve heads. 

He shook his head. “I’m not in the mood for one of your shenanigans, Barnes.  When’s the last time you’ve even showed up from P.E?” 

“I’m not fooling around,” Bucky said honestly.  “Look, I’m--I’m doing it to impress some chick alright.  I promise if you give me a shot then I won’t miss another P.E class again.” 

He raised his eyebrows.  “Yeah?  Must be some girl.” 

“You have no idea,”  Bucky muttered, glad that the track team was away for a meet so he didn’t have to see Sam or Steve. 

He sighed.  “We’ll give you a tryout in the pool, if you’re good enough you can be on the team-- _but_ if you miss another P.E course you’re off the team--one strike and you’re out.  I’ve got a lot of dedicated members on this team who do what they’re supposed to.  I also need a guarantee that you’re not just gonna quit if things don’t work out with this girl.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “It’s what… a two month season?  I could do this until November, no sweat.” 

The coach still didn’t seem too convinced. 

“Look, if you fail me in P.E. then I’ll have to come back for summer school.  I have a feeling if I punk out of this then I’ll end up failing P.E.  The last thing I want is summer school.  I’ll be here.  I’ll do what I’ve gotta do.”  Bucky put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.   

The coach took a deep breath before nodding.  “Go get changed and in the pool before I change my mind.” 

Bucky rushed into the locker room and quickly changed into the school assigned swim trunks and tank that were given out during the first week of class.  Technically, Bucky barely passed P.E. these past few years.  He showed up just enough so that he couldn’t fail it, skating by with a C- every year.  His father would be fuming every time he saw that on the report card.  Bucky’s mother couldn’t care less.  Interestingly enough, he’d never shown up on the days that they would be in the pool--he didn’t want to mess up his hair. 

Bucky walked over to the pool, grateful that none of his friends could see him like that.  Dressed in the school uniform swim attire, and about to try-out for a sport.  It was unlike him to say the least, and he could only imagine the reaction that he’d receive from his friends. 

The coach was waiting for him--with the rest of the team.  Bucky wanted to die.  Luckily, no one on the swim team seemed to care aside from a few of the girls who looked like their wildest dreams had just come true.  Bucky smirked as he got in the pool and waited for instructions. 

The coach sighed.  “Swim as fast as you can from one side of the pool to the other and then back.  We’ll time you.” 

“What stroke, sir?” Bucky asked, the last thing he needed was to fall into a trap. 

The coach raised an eyebrow.  “Let’s try the breast stroke for now, Barnes.” 

Bucky nodded, as he began to swim.  He was usually pretty fast, but right now he felt as if he wasn’t quite fast enough.  If he couldn’t make it on the swim team, he had no idea how he was ever going to “make an effort” that was good enough to get Steve back.  It felt like he was swimming for an hour by the time he made it back to the end of the pool that he started on. 

He looked up at the coach, not sure what to expect. 

He shrugged.  “Not bad.  Try the backstroke this time, Barnes.” 

Bucky floated on his back as he started swimming again.  It wasn’t as stressful this time around.  At least he hadn’t been too slow that he didn’t get to this point.  But his backstroke was far from great.  He only used it back when he was younger and took swimming lessons.  He really had no use for it. 

After that, the coach had him try the butterfly and crawl strokes.  Both of which came more naturally to him than the backstroke.  When he was done, he looked back at the coach, waiting expectantly. 

“You can stay.  We need someone to do the breaststroke and yours was fine.  Practice is everyday after school for two hours.  If you’re late more than three times, you’re off the team.  If you miss more than two practices, you’re off the team.  You need to attend every meet--” 

“Or I’m off the team.  Got it,” Bucky said, unable to stop himself.  “Look, I’ll be here.  I’ll do what I’ve gotta do.” 

The coach pursed his lips, then shrugged.  “Fine.” He blew his whistle.  “Start swimming.” 

Mostly, there were just a lot of drills to undergo, mainly just to make sure no one pulled a muscle.  Then they swam for the remainder of the practice, working on whichever stroke or strokes that each person was required to know.  It was harder than he thought it would be.  The only thing stopping him from jumping out of the pool and heading home was Steve.  He was doing this for him.  If this could help him get back in Steve’s good graces, then it was worth the hard work. 

When practice was over, Bucky quickly showered in the locker room and got changed back into his normal clothes.  He was relieved that no one else seemed to still be in the school, so he was able to sneak out and into his car unnoticed.  

Bucky was home just in time for dinner.  Neither of his parents asked where he was or why he hadn’t come home on time.  He wasn’t sure why he was expecting them to ask anyway.  After he ate he just went back to his bedroom, without uttering a word to either of them.  The only good thing was that he was able to get to sleep early enough. 

The next day he woke up with ease.  However, he was unbelievably sore, and he silently cursed Steve for making things so difficult.  Bucky wasn’t sure if he was cut out for this.  The whole swimming thing was a great idea in his head, but it was turning out to be a lot more difficult than he had hoped.  Not to mention he was going to have to come up with a reason to hang out with the Howlies later on Fridays now.  He was sure he could come up with something, but it had to be plausible enough for his friends to buy it. 

He headed to school and was finally glad to just sit through his classes instead of walking around.  At lunch, he made his way over to tune up his car a bit.  Of course Steve had to run by him and it took all his willpower not to just grab Steve, push him up against the car and kiss him.  But he couldn’t.  So instead he tried his best to subtly watch as Steve went by, wondering if Steve really knew what this was doing to him. 

Then after school, he snuck his way into the locker room to change for swim practice.  He was careful to make sure that Sam and Steve got in and out before he entered.  It wasn’t too hard.  They were such kissassess; they were usually the first ones in and out.  All Bucky had to do was hang out at his locker in the hall until he saw Steve and Sam head out of the building. Then he’d just get changed and head to the pool. 

The rest of the week went by pretty similarly aside from Friday, in which he met his friends at the diner after practice, claiming that he was meeting some girl as an excuse for being late.  He did appreciate how mentioning that made Steve shift uncomfortably shift in his seat.  He smirked to himself as he sat down.  It was actually nice to relax with his friends for a few hours.  He didn’t really even have to worry about Steve.  Sam wasn’t even there that night, so aside from Steve flirting with Carter and 13, everything was pretty casual.  Bucky wasn’t finding himself feeling the same jealous sting that he got whenever Steve was with Wilson. 

It was easier this way.  He could almost be happy with this if it weren’t for the fact that he still ached to be closer to Steve.  He still _needed_ to hold his hand and kiss him as if no one else was there.  He couldn’t.  Not yet anyway. 

After a few hours and some flirting with the waitress, which got them a sizeable discount on the bill, Bucky headed out.  He was exhausted.  Swimming had taken more out of him than he’d thought it would.  Especially a whole week of it.  It was getting unbearable.  Hopefully, it would prove to be worth the pain and aggravation, if Steve was happy with it then that would be all the motivation that Bucky needed. 

He headed home and was surprised to see that his mother was still up.  He just smiled tightly at her, never sure whether or not to acknowledge her.  Bucky went to walk away but she spoke up. 

“James,” she said, barely louder than a whisper.  “What were you doing out so late?” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “I’ve been out much later than this, Ma.  Remember the summer?  I didn’t get in until three some nights.” 

“Oh,” she said, a look of bewilderment on her face.  “I guess I didn’t realize.” 

Bucky had half a mind to make a snarky remark about how she would have realized years ago if she actually tried parenting but… she seemed so… out of it.  It wasn’t that she didn’t try.  She did, but she was far from a good mother. 

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” Bucky said heading back towards his room.  His mother didn’t respond, or if she did, Bucky didn’t hear it. 

* * *

 

The next two days consisted of Bucky hanging out with the Howling Commandos and SSR girls.  For the most part everyone was getting along.  Steve hung around them for a bit before he left to go meet Sam so they could jog some more.  Bucky had to fight the urge to roll his eyes when he heard that excuse.  

He didn’t even let himself watch as Steve walked away.  Bucky kept his hands in his jacket as he looked at his sneakers.  He wasn’t about to give Steve the satisfaction of seeing him watch desperately as he walked away.   

However, when Steve left, Peggy got this look on her face.  Bucky knew it was only a matter of time before Carter began pushing him to let Steve into the Howlies again.  Bucky just wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with that.  Things would be a lot easier for him if he could keep Steve and his friends separate. 

“Don’t even ask, Carter,” Bucky said as she opened her mouth.  “Look, he’s a nice guy, just a little too… _straight and narrow_ for the Howlies.  Maybe if he can loosen up a bit, we’ll reconsider.” 

Peggy rolled her eyes.  “I wasn’t even going to ask, Barnes.  Honestly.  I, for one, was just going to ask what it was that he did down at the beach that rubbed you the wrong way.” 

Bucky snorted because Steve had definitely rubbed him the _right_ way.  He just couldn’t tell Peggy that.  “Nothing, Peg.  Look, your boyfriend was a goody-goody down by the beach and he still is now.  That’s the only reason he’s not a Commando right now.  Honest.” 

“Besides,” Connie spoke up.  “Bucky had his hands too full at the beach to be paying attention to Steve.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Connie, _you_ broke up with _me_.  You don’t get to be jealous that I met someone over the summer.  Besides, I heard you and Donnie Blake hooked up over the break.  So you can have a summer fling but I can’t?  Seems like a load of horseshit to me.” 

She crossed her arms.  “Nothing happened between me and Donnie Blake over the summer, James.  I spent most days waiting by the diner hoping that you’d show up.” 

“You know where I live, Con.  If you wanted to fix things that badly you could have stopped by,” Bucky said, putting his arms out in annoyance.  “It’s over, Connie.  I’m over it, and you should get over it too.” 

“All right, all right,” Sharon stepped in.  “Let’s talk about something else, clearly emotions are still high.” 

Bucky rubbed his forehead as Lorraine began changing the subject-- _back to Steve_.   

“I just think that he seems like a really great guy.” Lorraine smirked.  “There’s nothing that a bit of your influence couldn’t help.” 

Bucky laughed darkly.  “Oh so that’s it.  Even you girls know that he’s too much of a boy scout for us.  You just want us to corrupt him a bit.  That’s low.  Even for you girls.  I guess he can’t both have the looks and the attitude you want.” 

“Don’t put words in her mouth, Buck,” Angie cut in.  “She’s just sayin’ that you could help him loosen up a little bit.” 

“Well it ain’t happening,” Bucky spat.  “I’m not taking on a pet project to help make him your ideal man.  Sorry, but that’s not what we do.  Look, he’s nice.  If you don’t like that then that’s on you.” 

“Why so defensive, Barnes?”  Dugan asked quietly as he and Bucky walked to another area of the vacant lot they were hanging out in.  

Bucky put his arms out exasperated.  “This guy is not Howlie material.  I’m not gonna let this guy in who is clearly not a good fit, just because the girls want us to make him into their perfect boy-toy.” _I also don’t want everyone to find out what he and I used to get up to over the summer._  

“Is this about what Connie said?  Are you still hung up on that chick down at the beach?” Dugan pressed on. 

Bucky gave him a look.  _If only he knew_.  “It’s got nothing to do with Connie or the girl from the summer.  I’m over that.  Look, it’s our last year.  I’d rather spend it with my friends--not some guy we hardly know.” 

Dum Dum sighed, but nodded.  “I hear you.  I just don’t think the girls are gonna like that answer.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “That’s their problem, then.” 

“You know we’ll back you, one hundred percent.  Just try and pick your battles.” Dugan began walking back to the rest of the group. 

Bucky sulked after him.  The conversation appeared to have been sufficiently ended.  They seemed to have moved on to talking about something else, that Bucky really wasn’t paying much attention to it.  He was just glad that Steve was no longer being discussed.  The last thing that he wanted to think about was his plan to get the boy back, honestly it was taking up enough of his time as it was.  The weekends were a nice break from that.  He didn’t have to worry about anything.  He was able to forget about how he had messed everything up. 

* * *

 

The next week went by quite similarly to the last… at least in the beginning.  The first two days went by without a hitch.  Unfortunately, Wednesday was his first swim meet.  Luckily, it was at the school, he just didn’t realize how long it was.  He was there for hours and he just wanted to go home.  Unfortunately, the breaststroke was one of the last races too.  It wasn’t even like he could just feign illness after his race and head home.  He was stuck there. 

Finally, it got to the breaststroke and Bucky was just glad to get it over with.  He wasn’t too nervous about it.  Nothing in his deal with the coach said that he had to win to stay on the team.  He just needed to show up and swim… he could do that easily. 

He got in the pool and just waited for the race to start.  Once it got started, Bucky really didn’t care.  He gave his best effort, and he really couldn’t care less if he won either.  But when he finished, he realized that he was actually pretty good at it. Apparently, he had kicked ass.  Not only did he win--he _smoked_ his opponents.  The whole team seemed pleased--even the coach had a smile on his face as Bucky got out of the pool. 

Bucky smirked as he took his seat back on the bench.  He couldn’t help but feel pride swell up in him as his teammates congratulated him and patted him on the back--literally.  Even the coach had managed to mutter a “Good job, Barnes.”  It was… pretty great. 

Unfortunately, Bucky got caught up in all the excitement that he forgot to check whether or not the track team was done with _their_ meet.  Bucky walked into the locker room, with his towel draped around his neck, and he quite literally bumped into Sam Wilson. 

They stared at each other for a moment, before Bucky uttered a quick apology and pushed past him and into the room.  There he was horrified to be face to face with Steve, who raised an eyebrow.  The rest of the swim team scurried in and out of the locker room, eager to get their things and go home.  Bucky, however, stayed frozen staring at Steve, unsure of what to say. 

“Are you… you’re not here for me, are you?” Steve asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his own neck. 

Bucky sighed.  “No, no-- I mean sort of-- technically.  I-- I’m on the swim team now.  I was gonna wait until the season was over and I got my varsity letter to tell you.  I’m just ‘making an effort.’” 

Steve smiled shyly.  “You--you didn’t join the swim team just for me--did you?” 

Bucky shrugged.  “I miss you.  I wasn’t really sure what else to do.  Look, I know that you’re with Wilson, and that I’ve got no right to ask you to give that up but… I’m trying.” 

Steve looked down and his face flushed. “I think I may have misled you at the diner a few weeks ago.  There’s nothing--Sam and I--we’re just friends.  We’ve only ever been friends.  I only said that stuff because I was mad and… I wanted to make you a little jealous.” 

Bucky laughed as he leaned up against one of the lockers.  “Well, it worked.  What about the Carters?  Anything going on there?” 

Steve shook his head.  “Nah--don’t get me wrong, they’re great.  I’m just--I was just kind of waiting on you--to see what you were gonna do.  You really didn’t disappoint.” 

“If we’re gonna do this, which I really really want to, you’ve gotta understand that I still don’t want people to know.  This isn’t Brooklyn.  I’m not sure how people are gonna feel about… all of this.  Plus it’s still pretty new for me.” 

Steve nodded.  “Okay--it’s not ideal, but… I get it.  What are you gonna tell your friends?” 

“I really hadn’t thought that far,” Bucky confessed.  “I really didn’t think that you’d want me back.” 

Steve exhaled.  “Believe me--these past few weeks--they’ve been killing me.” 

“Me too!  I-- _God--_ I missed you.  I know, I messed everything up, but I’m really sorry, Steve.  I guess we could just tell everyone that we’re friends?  Maybe try and tell them I’m considering letting you into the Howlies?  I’d say I could actually let you in but I just made an idiot out of myself saying that it was a terrible idea.” Bucky shook his head. 

 “Yeah.” Steve laughed.  “Why is that?” 

Bucky looked around to make sure they were alone as he took Steve’s hand in his own and locked the door to the locker room.  “Because I didn’t want to have to see you all the time.  It hurt too much.” 

Steve tugged Bucky’s arm closer and kissed him sweetly.  When he pulled away, he playfully shoved Bucky.  “Then don’t mess it up again, Buck.” 

He grinned as he wrapped an arm around Steve’s waist and pulled him into himself, kissing him tenderly the entire time.  Their noses touched sweetly as Bucky pulled away.   

“I’m not gonna be stupid enough to mess this up again.”  Bucky promised as he gently kissed Steve’s cheek.  “I promise.” _I love you._ Bucky couldn’t say _that_ yet.  They hadn’t even said it before Steve left.  He wasn’t about to scare him away now. 

Steve grinned as he glanced towards the door.  “Look, don’t take this the wrong way.  My aunt’s expecting me home soon--” 

“Wait, I’ve just gotta change and then I’ll drive you home.  Don’t go anywhere all right?  Just give me two minutes,” Bucky pleaded. 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah--yeah.  Okay.” 

Bucky raced off and quickly got changed.  He didn’t even care how ridiculous he looked.  He could just shower when he got home.  He walked back over to Steve, who was waiting by the door. 

“Did you have a meet today?” Steve asked as Bucky unlocked it and held it for open Steve. 

“Yeah, it was my first one.” Bucky shrugged it off.  Once he was certain they were alone in the hall, he grabbed Steve’s hand and rubbed it gently with his thumb. 

Steve grinned.  “How’d it go?” 

“I won,” he said as nonchalantly as possible.  “I didn’t think I would, but I did… for you.” 

Steve laughed.  “Wow, Bucky.  For someone with such a cool, collected exterior you sure are quite the sentimentalist.  I do appreciate you making this type of effort though.  It really does mean a lot.” 

“You wanted me to try.  This was the only thing I could really think of.  I wasn’t really sure what you meant,” Bucky said.  “How’s your mom doing?  Is she still in the hospital?” 

Steve tensed.  “She’s the same.  Still there.  The doctors are taking everything one day at a time.  But--it’s not looking too good.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said honestly.  “If you need anything, let me know.” 

“Thanks,” Steve said sadly.  “It’s just been hard.  I mean don’t get me wrong, my aunt and uncle are great--really.  I just--I--for my whole life it’s been me and my mom, and now… I just feel-- alone.” 

Bucky nodded.  That was how it felt when Rebecca left.  She was the only one who really understood him.  When she left he’d never felt so alone.   

“I can imagine,” Bucky said.  “I don’t know if I mentioned it over the summer, but my sister… she um--she left us.  No one knows where she is or why she left.  I know it’s not the same but, I get how you feel.  That’s how I felt when she ran off.” 

“I’m sorry, Buck.  I had no idea.” Steve opened the door to outside parking lot, removing his own hand from Bucky’s with an understanding smile. 

Bucky led Steve over to the car.  Steve hopped in his seat, as Bucky took the driver’s seat.  Bucky began driving towards Steve’s aunt’s house as if on autopilot.  

“So,” Bucky said, putting one of his arms around Steve, leaving the left one to steer.  “Does your aunt--does she… _know_?” 

Steve looked at him puzzled for a moment before he laughed.  “Oh, you mean about the fact that I like guys?  Yeah--my mom told her a while back.” 

“And, she’s… _okay_ with it?” Bucky asked bewildered.  He couldn’t imagine telling either of his parents… ever. 

Steve shrugged.  “I mean… enough.  She doesn’t really understand it--she kind of blames it on the Brooklyn of it all.  That said, she’s been accepting--she doesn’t understand it, but she loves me.  The result is that she just really doesn’t ask about my dating habits and I don’t offer up any information.  She accepts me--she just doesn’t understand me.  It’s okay.  My mom really got it.  But my aunt--bless her--she thinks that--she thinks I’m just losing it between my mom being sick and living in Brooklyn.  That said she’s never tried to change me--or asked me to try and see _only_ women.  She accepts it--she just can’t wrap her mind around the ‘why’ of it all.  It’s funny.  There’s really not a reason.” 

“And your uncle?” 

Steve laughed.  “He doesn’t care who I’m seeing, so long as I don’t bring anyone home.  The last thing he wants is to hear my aunt sobbing about how I’ve grown up without my mom being around to see it.  I don’t blame him--not really.  My aunt’s been getting real sentimental lately.  He thinks it’s our job to be strong for her--but he forgets that I’m losing my _mom_.  I can’t even be strong for me--nevermind my aunt.” 

Bucky nodded.  “I get that.  If you ever just need to get out of the house, my place is always open.  My parents probably wouldn’t even notice.” 

“I guess they don’t know… about you?” 

Bucky laughed.  “Hell no.  My parents hardly like me now, I could only imagine how they’d react.” 

Steve frowned.  “I’m sorry.  I’ve always had a good relationship with my mom.  I can’t imagine not having that.” 

“It’s not their fault,” Bucky said.  “They used to be… _warmer_ , but then Rebecca left and it was like she took part of my parents with her.” 

“That must have been really hard.  I can’t imagine going through all this by myself,” Steve confessed.  “My aunt and uncle they really are trying.  They don’t have any kids so this--this is an adjustment.  But they’re doing their best.  I’m sorry you didn’t have your support system when you needed it.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “It’s not a big deal.  They meant well, really.  They tried their best, but--they needed me to be the strong one, and I was good at faking that.  It wasn’t a big deal--they were hurting more… they still are.” 

Steve nodded in understanding.  “You’re a good son.  I don’t know if I’d be that understanding--or strong enough to do that.” 

Bucky snorted.  “Believe me, strength’s got nothing to do with it.  Look, I just--I got mad at my sister when she left.  My parents were sad, but not me.  I was angry at her.  Part of me still is.  She left and she took a part of us that we’ll never get back.  My parents didn’t think they had to worry about me because I wasn’t sad--hell I hardly even cried about it.  They thought I was just handling it--I wasn’t.  I was acting out at school, at home, in public.  They just didn’t notice because they were too busy being sad.” 

Steve frowned.  “I’m sorry you had to go through that--especially by yourself.  The one good thing that I can say about this is that my aunt and uncle have been great.  They really have.  My aunt’s always checking on me, and my uncle’s always coming up with things for us to do so I can take my mind off everything.  I can’t imagine doing this _completely_ by myself.  Even if they don’t really get it--at least they’re trying.” 

Bucky pulled up to Steve’s house.  Just as he went to leave Bucky tugged him close for a quick, sweet kiss.  “I’ll see you tomorrow?  I can drive you in if you want.” 

Steve laughed.  “I don’t think that would help with you low profile--” 

“We could tell everyone that I saw you walking and I took pity  and drove you the rest of the way,” Bucky suggested.  “I just wanna see you.” 

Steve paused for a moment, clearly considering this.  “Sure, if you’re okay with the questions.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Don’t worry about that.  _That_ I can handle.  I just want to start making up for lost time.” 

Steve smiled before nodding back.  “Okay, sounds like a plan.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Bucky grinned as Steve headed out of the car and into the house.  “Hey, Brooklyn,” Bucky called to him. 

Steve turned to face him, eyebrow raised. 

“I missed you.” 

Steve smiled as he shook his head and walked into the house.  

Bucky grinned all the way home, in fact even his mother’s expressionless face wasn’t enough for his expression to fade.  He just strolled right into the shower and _definitely_ thought about Steve the entire time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	5. It Might Be Love

Chapter 5- It Might Be Love 

The next few weeks were heaven.  Bucky would pick Steve up from school, they’d go through their days as usual, and then Steve would wait for Bucky’s swim practice to be over.  They’d spend some time either walking around the empty track, sitting on the bleachers, or kissing in the car until Bucky would eventually have to drive Steve home.   

Everyone was happy.  The girls were glad that it looked as if Steve was an ‘unofficial Howlie’ and the guys were just relieved that the girls had gotten off their case and stopped hounding them about letting Steve into the group.  Bucky was just happy that Steve was okay with keeping the whole thing a secret, the last thing he needed was someone to find out that Bucky Barnes had a thing for guys.  Steve seemed happy enough too.  Sure there were moments that he’d make a face if Bucky commented on a girl’s appearance, or when Connie would hopelessly try to flirt with him.  But overall they were happy. 

One night, when they were walking around the track holding hands, Steve stopped, hand still lingering in Bucky’s. 

Bucky looked back, puzzled.  “Everything okay?” 

Steve looked at him and smiled tightly.  “I’ve been thinking…”  

“Yeah--” 

“About the dance.” 

“Oh.”  Bucky paused, not sure what to say.  “We can’t exactly… go _together_.  You understand that, right?  Look--I--I’m not ready for--” 

“No, no, I get that,” Steve said with a small smile.  “I just--It’s gonna look weird if we don’t have dates.” 

Bucky relaxed.  “Oh… I mean, I just figured that we wouldn’t go.  It wouldn’t be _that_ weird for me to skip out on a school dance--” 

“Even one that’s televised?  I mean, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re kind of a ham, Buck.” Steve teased. 

Bucky chuckled.  “Okay… so are you suggesting that we… get dates… that are-- you know… _chicks_?” 

Steve frowned.  “I know it’s not ideal--” 

“No, but… you may have a point there,” Bucky admitted.  “Look, if we do this it’s just for the dance.  After that you’re all mine, and I’m all yours.” 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, of course, I wouldn’t--” 

“And nothing below the neck,” Bucky added.  

Steve looked down shyly as he walked back up to Bucky.  “Course not, Buck.  I’d never dream of it.” 

“I figure, you’ll go with one of the Carters?” Bucky asked. 

Steve shrugged.  “I guess.  I think Peggy’s been dropping hints.  She’s nice… I actually like her a lot--as a friend of course.” 

“You don’t gotta sugar coat it for me,” Bucky said honestly.  “I bet if I’d dropped the ball on this thing, you and Peg would be going steady right now.  I get it, she’s… she’s something else.  She can have you for the night--but after that you’re all mine.” 

Steve smiled softly, tugging at Bucky’s arm.  “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Buck.  I chose you, remember.” 

“‘M not worried, Stevie.  I just don’t want Carter getting the wrong idea--” 

“Well it’s not like I could just tell her that I have a boyfriend,” Steve said not making eye contact. 

It was Bucky’s turn to stop walking.  “C’mon, Brooklyn.  That’s not fair.  I told you right off the bat that I wasn’t comfortable--” 

“I know--I know,” Steve said curtly.  “It’s just--it get’s hard sometimes, Buck.  I just--I’m not gonna push it.  I’m just not used to-- _hiding_.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “I’m sure things aren’t that different back in New York.  It may be easier but I’m pretty damn sure that you couldn’t flaunt it.” 

Steve gave him a disapproving look.  “It may not have been that easy, but I was able to confide in some people--” 

“Well it ain’t like that here,” Bucky said shortly.  “Seriously, Steve.  We’d be ruffling a lot of feathers.  People wouldn’t take too kindly to our… arrangement.” 

“ _Relationship!_ We’re in a _relationship!_ “ Steve waved his arms around dramatically.  “You could at least say it when we’re alone!  Who do we have to hide from?  We’re the only ones here, Bucky!” Steve put his hands in the pockets of his letterman jacket from his old school--it was navy blue. 

“This isn’t _easy_ for me, Steve!” Bucky snapped.  “I’m trying but this is still _new_ for me!  I don’t think you get how hard this has been.  Especially since every girl in the school is trying to get in _your_ pants--” 

“Oh you’re one to talk!  Bucky, you’ve been with a ton of the girls here, and if you _haven’t_ been with them then they _want_ to have been with you.  So, don’t act like it’s a one way street here, because it’s not,” Steve shot back, shaking his head. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “I don’t know what you want from me, Steve.  I told you that I wanted to keep this between us, you’re the one changing the rules now.” 

“I’m not ‘changing the rules’,” Steve insisted.  “I just-- I hate that you won’t even call me your boyfriend--when we’re by ourselves.” 

Bucky sighed.  “Steve, you know, I’m really trying.  This is still just so new for me.  Of course you’re my… _boyfriend_.  It’s just saying it… it makes it harder for me.” 

“I think it makes it _real_ for you, Buck--” 

“Steve, what we have _is_ real.  I’ve never been the guy to make a big effort--I’ve never _had_ to!  But you asked me to-- _and I did!_ I joined the goddamn swim team for you, Steve.  God, Rogers!  _I love you,_ and you’re making this so--” 

“You love me?” Steve interrupted quietly. 

Bucky froze.  _Fuck_.  His jaw dropped slightly unsure of what to say.  He just shrugged. After a moment he said, “I mean… yeah.  I wouldn’t do this for just anybody.” 

Steve smiled as he walked back over to him.  He draped his arms around Bucky’s neck and kissed him deeply.  Bucky’s arms naturally went to Steve’s waist, pulling him in closer.   

Steve pulled back and grinned stupidly.  “Love you, too.” 

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said, taking Steve’s hand again. 

“Me too,” Steve confessed as they continued walking around the track.  “I didn’t mean to push--” 

“But you had a point,” Bucky admitted.  “I could try harder to be more… _open_ about this.” 

Steve shrugged.  “You don’t have to push yourself, I just--this is an adjustment for me too.  I’m gonna try to be more understanding.” 

Bucky smiled and gave a nod.  He looked down at his watch.  “I’ve gotta get you home or your aunt will be suspicious.” 

Steve frowned.  “Yeah, you’re right.   I was thinking maybe you could come over for dinner sometime? I mean--pretending like we’re just friends.  My aunt doesn’t think I’m being social enough.” 

“You want me to meet your family?” Bucky teased.  “I guess you must really like me.” 

Steve shrugged.  “Eh--you’re okay, I guess.” 

Bucky laughed as he pecked Steve’s lips quickly and led him to the car.  “Just tell me when and where.  I’ll be there, Brooklyn.” 

“Thanks, Buck,” Steve said, sitting in the passenger seat.  “I appreciate it.” 

“I can’t promise that they’ll like me.  I’ve never really done the ‘meet the parents’ thing.  It could be a mess,” Bucky admitted as he sat in the drivers seat. 

Steve laughed.  “You’re just meeting them as my ‘friend.’  All you’ve gotta do is say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘nice to meet you’.  They won’t ask too many questions, I promise.  Worse comes to worst they’ll ask you about the swim team.” 

Bucky began driving Steve home.  “I guess the hard part is going to be keeping my hands to myself.” 

Steve gave him a half shrug. “Well you do it well enough in school, a few more hours shouldn’t be too hard.” 

“Speak for yourself, Stevie.  The hardest part of this whole secret dating thing is not being able to kiss you when I want to.”  Bucky took Steve’s left hand in his right and kissed it lightly. 

Steve smiled softly and looked down at his feet.  “Well if you don’t want to then--” 

“I’ll be there, Rogers.  Don’t worry about it, I’ll be on my best behavior.”  Bucky promised, rubbing Steve’s hand with his thumb.   

“Thanks, Buck.  It means a lot.  I know it’ll help relax my aunt a bit too.  She’s worried that I’ve got no friends and that I’m not ‘coping’ with my mother’s sickness.” Steve rolled his eyes a bit.  “I’m just not going to give up on her.  I don’t think that’s so bad.” 

Bucky just nodded.  He had no idea what condition Steve’s mother was in, or what was even wrong with her.  Regardless he wasn’t going to tell Steve to stop hoping that his mother would pull through, but he also wasn’t about to give him false hope either.  So he just nodded. 

When they pulled up to Steve’s house, he kissed Bucky quickly.  “Good night.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Bucky grinned.  “Yeah, I guess we’ll have to get dates for the dance.” 

Steve gave him a look.  “I guess so.  If you’re okay with that--” 

“I am, just don’t choose anyone prettier than me,” Bucky teased. 

“I promise,” Steve laughed as he walked into the house.

* * *

 The next day was beyond stressful.  Finding a date to the dance shouldn’t have been difficult.  He was already in a relationship and this ‘date’ was just for appearances, but it would be hard to find someone who wasn’t trying to jump his bones the whole time. 

So he settled for Angie.  It was enough to keep people quiet, but there was no chance of it being anything other than platonic.  Luckily, she seemed happy enough to go with him. He was actually surprised that one of the guys hadn’t asked her yet. 

Steve, on the other hand, had apparently caved and asked Peggy to the dance.  Bucky tried his best to keep his jealousy in check.  That said, it was unnerving to hear Carter talk about how she and Steve had to _coordinate outfits._  

Bucky found himself rolling his eyes throughout most of that conversation.  Carter could have her one night with Steve, after that he was all Bucky’s.  Bucky tried to focus on that part of it, and not the part in which Steve would probably take cliche pictures with Carter at her house, and buy her a stupid corsage, and have to dance with her.  He tried not to think about that at all. 

He failed, naturally.  The best distraction for that was working on Gabe’s car with the rest of the Commandos.  Unfortunately that too was short lived.   

While Gabe was working on the transmission, there was a loud screech that echoed across the parking lot.  Bucky rolled his eyes as he saw Brock Rumlow, the leader of the Hydras, get out of his car.  The Hydras were their rivals from the other school across town.  Bucky had hoped they’d learned to stay on their own turf this year… apparently not. 

Rumlow let out a low whistle as he hopped out of his car and slammed the door behind him.  “Is this hunk of junk yours, Barnes?  I’ve gotta say it’s a bit of a downgrade from your last car. Did you total it or something?” 

“Jerk off, Rumlow.  It’s not my car, but when we’re done with it, it’s gonna be driving better than any other car in town,” Bucky spat back.  “Where’s Zemo and Rollins? Too busy to back you up?” 

“Don’t you worry about them.  I’m sure we’ll all be seeing each other soon enough.  If that car’s gonna run as good as you say it will, I bet you’ll be racing it down by the yard soon.” 

“You’re damn right we will,” Gabe interjected before Bucky could try to get them out of it.  “We’re gonna smoke you.” 

Rumlow got a smug grin on his ugly face.  “You keep telling yourselves that.” 

Bucky just glared as Rumlow got into his car. 

“Till next time, ladies,” Rumlow sneered as he drove off. 

Bucky sighed as he turned back to the guys.  “You didn’t have to agree to race him--” 

“You know we can beat him, Buck--” 

“Do I?” Bucky said, exasperated.  “I thought you wanted something to drive you places and get there in one piece.  I don’t know if this is gonna be fit to race anytime soon.” 

Gabe shrugged it off.  “Look, we can make it work.  I’m sure of it.” 

Bucky groaned.  “It’s your car, if you wanna race it--fine by me.  That said, the rest of you better start pulling your weight then.  It’s not gonna get in racing shape by us working on it occasionally, while I give it tune ups during lunch.  You’re gonna need to put more time into this.” 

“‘ _You’re’_?” Dum Dum repeated. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Look, I’ve been doing most of the work already, not to mention I’ve got more going on than just fixing up Gabe’s ride.  It wouldn’t kill the rest of you to put some more time into it.” 

No one argued, partially because they knew he was right, and partially because no one questioned him… not ever.  Bucky looked back to where Rumlow was just parked.  

“The good thing is that Rumlow’s car ain’t no prize either.  All we need is for Jones’s car to be better than Rumlow’s,” Bucky said trying to be optimistic. 

They all mumbled in agreement.  Bucky shook his head as he headed to his own car.  “I’ll catch you guys later.  Don’t do anything too dumb till I get back.” 

He didn’t wait for them to respond, he just got in his car and headed to Steve’s.  The new arrangement was that they would each hang out with their respective friends until two PM.  Then Bucky would drive by and pick Steve up, before heading out to a secluded area, just to be together for a few hours.  Then Bucky would drop Steve back off.  That day was different. 

“Did you see the girls today?” Bucky asked, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. 

Steve tensed.  “Um… I saw Peggy.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky asked.  “Just Carter?” 

Steve nodded slowly.  “Yeah, she umm… wanted to work out what we were gonna wear to the dance.” 

“Oh, fun,” Bucky said sarcastically.  “I bet your aunt and uncle must be thrilled that you’re taking a girl.” 

Steve shrugged.  “I told them Peggy and I were just friends.  But I think they appreciated that I wasn’t going to _flaunt_ my ‘lifestyle’ at the dance.  I would still like you to meet them at some point though.  If you’re okay with that.” 

Bucky sighed.  “Yeah, Stevie, of course.  Just tell me when.” 

Steve grinned.  “Thanks, Buck.  It means a lot to me.  Obviously if my ma were able to make it here, I’d ask you to meet her, but--I don’t know if that’ll be in the cards anytime soon.” 

Bucky didn’t know how to respond.  He still didn’t know much about Steve’s mother so he left it alone and changed the subject.   

“You know, I was thinking--maybe once our seasons are over, we could start doing more together.  Other than just walking around the track, I mean.” Bucky put his arm around Steve. 

“Yeah?  What did you have in mind?  It’s not like we can just go out together--” 

“Well, why not?  I mean we’re ‘friends’ now.  It wouldn’t be _that_ suspicious if we were hanging out,” Bucky said nonchalantly.   

“If you feel comfortable with it--I would--yeah--it would be fun,” Steve said as he relaxed against Bucky’s chest. 

Bucky drove them to an empty parking lot, so they could have some time away from everyone else.  “Maybe we could go to the drive-in or something in a few weeks.  I mean it’s dark, crowded, hardly anyone will notice us. And if they do, it could look like just two friends hanging out and watching a movie.” 

“Yeah,” Steve said.  “It sounds like a plan.” 

Bucky smiled.  “I was kinda worried you were gonna tell me that you were gonna be too busy playing a bunch of other sports.” 

Steve shook his head.  “Nah, I mean I _could_ , I guess.  I just--I’ve never _really_ played any other sports.  Football was… _football,_ and I’m fast enough for track, but I was never good at basketball or anything like that.” 

“Why’d you like football so much?” 

Steve shrugged.  “I guess because I used to have asthma and a bunch of other ailments, when I was younger, and it made all things seem impossible.  I guess when I hit my growth-spurt and… _puberty_ kicked in-- I wanted to prove that I could be just as good as those jerks who used to give me a hard time.” 

“Well were you?   Were you just as good, or did they give you that letterman’s jacket for being waterboy or some shit?” Bucky teased as he lightly kissed Steve’s forehead. 

Steve laughed.  “Not to toot my own horn, but as it turned out I was a hell of a lot better than them.  Don’t get me wrong--it wasn’t because I had this natural talent or anything.  I worked my ass off, doing extra exercises and drills outside of practice too.  I’m also pretty sure that I got my ass kicked so much that I wasn’t afraid to get tackled or hit on the field.  If you’ve never been beaten to a pulp before, I guess that kind of thing can be intimidating.” 

Bucky frowned.  “People picked on _you_?” 

Steve shrugged.  “I mean I was a short, scrawny, sickly kid for a while there.  I was a pretty easy target.  Let’s just say puberty was very kind to me. That and lots of working out.” 

“Too bad I wasn’t there. I would have kicked their asses so hard, they’d never even look at you the wrong way again.” 

“My hero,” Steve mocked.  “Believe it or not, I was practically asking for it.  I never knew when to shut my smart mouth.” 

“Doesn’t matter, Stevie.”  Bucky shook his head.  “There ain’t no excuse for someone taking advantage of a that.” 

Steve laughed.  “I managed, believe me.” 

Bucky snorted.  “I believe it.  I believe you handled yourself-- just doesn’t mean that you should’ve had to.” 

Steve shrugged again.  “It happens.” 

Bucky grimaced but let it go.  There was nothing he could do about Steve’s former bullies so the point was moot.  “So how was dress shopping with Carter?” 

“It wasn’t ‘dress shopping’,” Steve said scoldingly.  “She was actually helping _me_ figure out what to wear.  I think I’m just gonna wear one of my uncle’s old suits though.  I‘m not exactly made of money.” 

“I’ve got some old stuff laying around--not sure if it’ll fit you, but you’re more than welcome to try on some stuff and use it if you want,” Bucky said nonchalantly.  

Steve smiled.  “Thanks, Buck.  I appreciate it, but I think I’ll stick to my uncle’s stuff.  He’s a pretty big guy.  At the very least it won’t be too small on me.” 

“I got it. Offer still stands, though, if you change your mind.” Bucky pecked Steve’s lips softly.  “If you need anything, just let me know.” 

Steve looked down before meeting Bucky’s lips softly.  “Thank you.  Now let’s talk about something less… depressing.  Like how bummed I am we’ll be going to the dance with other people. I _am_ really excited about seeing you all dressed up.  I feel like you’re either always in this,” he motioned to Bucky’s usual outfit, “or swim trunks.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah?  Because your wardrobe has _such_ a variation.” 

“To be fair, I packed for the summer--not permanently.” Steve’s ears turned red. 

_Great move, Barnes--way to be an asshole_.  “I didn’t mean--” 

“It’s not a big deal, Buck.  I can take a joke.” Steve laughed, shoving him playfully. 

Bucky sighed as he tenderly kissed Steve’s neck.  “It’s gonna be hard seeing you dance with Carter at the dance.”  Bucky spoke against his skin.  “Wish it could be me.  Not to pat my own back, but I’m pretty skilled on the dance floor.” 

Steve grinned as he met Bucky’s lips with his own.  He turned Bucky’s radio up and hopped out of the car.  

Bucky raised his eyebrows in confusion.  “What are you doing?” 

“You’re such a good dancer?  Show me!  No one’s here,” Steve said, his hands in his pocket as he swayed a bit to the music. 

Bucky rolled his eyes as he got out of the car.  He walked over to Steve and grabbed his hand, kissing it softly.  “All right, Brooklyn. Let’s dance.” 

He put one hand on Steve’s waist, pulling him close.  The other hand still held Steve’s gently.  Bucky moved them to the music, at first it was something fast and it was easy for him to show off, leading Steve, who seemed to be struggling a bit to keep up, but his stupid smile stayed on his face the entire time. Bucky slowed up a bit despite the pace of the song. He kissed Steve’s forehead absentmindedly and pulled him even closer. 

The song changed to something slower and it was easier to just guide Steve around the abandoned lot.  It was easy to forget that he shouldn’t be doing this, especially not out in the open.  He glanced around as he began kissing Steve’s neck lightly.  Steve’s hand made its way to Bucky’s hair, tugging slightly. 

Steve brought Bucky up to meet his lips and leaned them up against the hood of Bucky’s car.  Bucky’s hands wandered under Steve’s shirt, just trying to get closer to him.  Steve moaned quietly, leaning back, as Bucky’s lips moved back to Steve’s neck. Bucky began to tug at Steve’s shirt, desperate to get it off.  Steve grimaced as he pulled away.  

“Not here, Buck.” He smiled apologetically.  “Someone could see.” 

Bucky nodded as he backed away from Steve for a moment.  “Sorry.  Got carried away.” 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, visibly nervous.  “I didn’t exactly mind.  I just don’t really want to give anyone who drives by a peep show.” 

“You’re right,” Bucky agreed.  “Probably should have stopped anyway. Don’t have protection on me.” 

Steve laughed.  “I can’t exactly get pregnant.  But--yeah, I guess it couldn’t hurt to have one.  Besides--I’m not sure if we’re _there_ yet.  Don’t get me wrong--it’s just--it’s a big step.” 

“No--you’re not wrong,” Bucky said reassuringly.  “I’ve never exactly… not with another guy, I mean.” 

“Yeah, I figured as much,” Steve confessed.  “I mean you’ve mentioned that I was your first _boy_ friend.” 

Bucky nodded again.  “Have you… with another guy before?” 

Steve laughed nervously.  “Um--yeah.  There was this one guy back home, but we were better off as just friends.  We--um--were… together a couple of times.” 

“Just one?  I figured everyone would be throwing themselves at you,” Bucky said honestly. 

Steve shrugged.  “I told you, I kind of had a reputation for being a bit of a loser.  There were a few other people that might have been interested but… once my mom got sick, I really didn’t have the time to be with anyone--until now.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Makes sense.” 

“But what about you?  Sure, I know there weren’t other guys but--the girls around here are crazy for you.” Steve’s eyes darted down.  

Bucky sighed.  “Yeah--um--there were… a few.” 

“A few?” 

“What do you want me to name all of them--” 

“ _Could_ you name all of them?  Or were there too many to count?” Steve teased. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “There weren’t _that_ many, Stevie.  I swear.” 

“Then give me a number, Buck--” 

“What would that do exactly?  Other than cause a fight, I mean,” Bucky said with an eye roll.  “I’m not asking you for a number.” 

“I just gave you mine,” Steve spat back. 

Bucky gave him a look.  “No girls?” 

“I mean I dated a few,” Steve confessed.  “I just--I’ve only _been with_ one person.” 

Bucky groaned.  “ _Five_ … maybe six.”  

“ _Maybe_ six?”[Text Wrapping Break]Bucky rubbed his eyes.  “Depends of what you mean by _‘been with’_ , Steve.” 

Steve gave him a disapproving look but didn’t say anything. 

“I told you this was a bad idea.” Bucky shook his head.  “Look what does it matter how many people we’ve screwed?  The only person I want to-- _do anything_ \-- with is _you_.  I don’t give a shit who’s come before me, and I don’t think you should either.” 

Steve crossed his arms.  “Who says I care?” 

“Your face,” Bucky teased.  He lightly pressed his lips against Steves.  “You’ve got nothing to worry about.  I wouldn’t be going through all this trouble if I was interested in anybody else.” 

Steve laughed.  “It’s not that.  I’m just wondering how long it’s gonna take for you to get tired of this.  Tired of having to hide, tired of taking things slow, tired of me.  Apparently you move fast.” 

“Believe it or not, Steve, I wasn’t the one to call it quits each time,” Bucky said, annoyed. 

“I find that kind of hard to believe.  Who’d be stupid enough to break it off with you?” Steve asked. 

“Believe me there were a few.  It’s not like I was the world’s best boyfriend or anything like that.  I cared a lot more about the Howlies and keeping up appearances than I did about being a good boyfriend,” Bucky admitted. 

“Your friends should be important--” 

“It had less to do with _them_ and more to do with me maintaining my position,” Bucky cut him off.  “I’m not gonna make that mistake this time.” 

“Don’t make any promises that you can’t keep, Buck,” Steve said.  “I mean you haven’t even told your friends--” 

“Are we really gonna do this again, Steve?  I’m not telling my friends because I’m actually worried that we’ll be hunted down by the entire town.  It has very little to do with you, Brooklyn.” Bucky began pacing around the parking lot. 

Steve walked over to him and gripped his arm.  “Buck, calm down.  I’m just saying you should have _one person_ who you can confide in-- _other than me_.  Just for yourself.  Otherwise you’re gonna go crazy lying to everyone.” 

“I appreciate the thought, Brooklyn.  I just don’t think that’s gonna happen anytime soon.” Bucky glanced down at Steve’s hand.  “I just don’t think you really understand how hard this is _here_.  I don’t think anyone here has ever-- with someone of the same gender-- _ever_.” 

Steve crossed his arms.  “I’m sure that’s not true.  They may not have been open about it, but that doesn’t mean we’re the first.  And even if we were how do you how people would react--” 

“Steve, don’t be naive.  People won’t take too kindly to that here.” Bucky rubbed his forehead.   

Steve didn’t respond at first he just looked down.  “You should have someone to confide in, Bucky--” 

“I’ve got you, don’t I?” Bucky deadpanned.   

Steve frowned.  “What if this goes south, Buck?  We seem to be fighting more than anything--you should have someone else to talk--” 

“Steve, you don’t get it.”  Bucky shook his head.  “You’re the only other guy I’ve ever-- you’re probably the only guy that I’ll ever--” 

“Now who’s being naive,” Steve cut him off.  “You can be in denial all you want, but the fact is; it’s highly unlikely that I’m the _only_ guy you’ll ever have feelings for.  Don’t get me wrong, you may like girls better, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get this ‘out of your system’ by dating _one guy_.  It doesn’t usually work like that.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Even if you’re right, which I doubt, that doesn’t change anything.  This has gotta stay between us, Stevie.” 

“I’m not gonna out you, Buck.  I just--it’s something for you to think about.  That’s all.” Steve looked down. 

Bucky sighed as he kissed the top of Steve’s head.  “I’m sorry--” 

“Don’t be, I--I know you’re not comfortable with telling anyone yet.  I just--I get worried.  I heard from my ma the other day.  The doctors sound hopeful.  I mean she’s still sick, but the doctors think she may be better in a few months…”  

“So you’ll go home,” Bucky finished quietly. 

Steve didn’t meet his eye.  “Not right away.  I’d finish out the school year here… but after that,” his voice trailed off.  “It’s just important that you have someone you can trust.  That’s all I’m saying, Buck.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Noted.  C’mon, Stevie.  Let’s do something fun.” 

“Like what?” Steve asked, the corners of his lips turning up, into a soft smile. 

Bucky grinned as he grabbed Steve’s hand and led him around the lot again.  “I think we better get some more dancing in so that I don’t get too jealous of Carter at the dance.” 

Steve laughed as he threw his arms around Bucky’s neck.  “Lead the way then, Barnes.  I’ve still got two left feet.” 

Bucky kissed Steve’s lips sweetly as they danced around the lot for the remainder of the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	6. At the High School Dance

Chapter 6- At The High School Dance 

The days leading up to the dance were… aggravating.  Bucky _hated_ seeing Steve and Carter all cozied up, like a _couple_.  It was nauseating.   

Luckily, Angie didn’t seem to think that the dance meant anything more than it did.  Her behavior was the same, and it was clear that they both saw this ‘date’ as platonic--which was fine with Bucky.  In fact, when Bucky brought up the dance again, she seemed surprised. 

“What color dress are you wearing Friday?” Bucky asked. 

She raised an eyebrow.  “Why?  You want to coordinate outfits?” 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “No.  I’ve gotta get you a corsage, I’m not a complete moron, I know what I’m supposed to do.” 

“Buck, we’re just goin’ as friends--” 

“I know that, Martinelli.  I’m still not gonna escort you to the dance without a corsage.  It’s the least I could do after you agreed to go with me.  I know Connie probably gave you a hard time about it.” Bucky frowned. 

She snorted.  “I don’t take shit from Connie, and she knows it.”  Angie paused.  “The dress is yellow.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Yellow it is.  I’ll pick you up at seven on Friday.  That good?”[Text Wrapping Break]“Seven’s fine.  Look, don’t be surprised if my parents want us to take pictures though,” she said with a hint of embarrassment. 

Bucky hadn’t thought of that.  Not that he was against taking pictures, but his folks never did anything like that.  “I’ll stop by around six-thirty, then.  Not a problem.” 

“Thanks, Barnes.  Your parents are welcome too--” 

“That’s okay,” Bucky interrupted.  “They’re not really into pictures and making memories.  Besides, Dad won’t be home until after eight anyway.” 

Angie opened her mouth to respond, but shut it.  She gave him a nod and look that Bucky could only describe as… _sympathetic_.  Bucky ignored it.  He didn’t need her pity.  His parents were his problem, and he was handling them well enough.  He took his seat and did his best to pretend that he was paying attention to the lesson. 

The rest of the day… _sucked_.  Steve was with Peggy the whole time and it made Bucky’s blood boil.  Steve was _his_ boyfriend, not Peggy’s.  He knew that Steve was taking her to the dance, but he didn’t realize that meant that Steve had to play the part of ‘boyfriend’ too.  Then after school, Steve had an away meet for track, so Bucky couldn’t even drive him home. 

The rest of week went by similarly, between Bucky having two away meets and the actual dance being on Friday, they hadn’t had any time together.   To say it made him angry was an understatement.  It wasn’t as though anyone was at fault for their lack of time together--it just didn’t help that Bucky had to see Steve with Peggy every waking moment. 

Bucky showed up at Angie’s house at six-thirty, like he promised.  He put on quite the show with her yellow-rose-corsage, and smiled charmingly for all the pictures her mother and father wanted to take.  All the while Angie tried to rush them out of the house, muttering thanks and apologies the whole time.  Bucky genuinely didn’t mind, if for nothing else, it was a nice distraction from thinking about how Steve was probably doing the same thing over at Carter’s house. 

Bucky drove Angie to the dance, making small talk the whole way there.  They didn’t discuss much other than class and the rest of the gang who had beat them there.  In all honesty it was a relief that Bucky didn’t have to immediately see Steve and Peggy there together.  It was easier to just pay attention to whatever randomness that Angie was talking about.   

Dugan walked over to him, he had brought some girl from his math class.  “Hey, man.  You’re not gonna be happy about this but um--Connie brought Rumlow… as her date.” 

Bucky snorted.  “If Connie wants to be used by a goddamn Hydra, then she can be my guest.  I don’t give a shit who she dances with, and if she wants to be stuck being an unwanted brat then she’ll have a hard time convincing Rumlow to stick around.” 

“You’re not mad--” 

“The only thing I’m mad about is that I’ll have to see Rumlow’s ugly-ass face while I’m trying to enjoy myself.” Bucky laughed cynically. 

Angie gave him a disapproving look.  Once Dugan walked away shaking his head, she nudged him with her elbow.  “Must have been some girl down by the beach, if you’re still not interested in getting Connie back.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “One’s got nothing to do with the other, and yeah…” Bucky caught a glimpse of Steve and Peggy.  He frowned.  “She sure was something.” 

Angie gave him a look--like she had just noticed something.  Whatever it was, she didn’t comment on it.  “Look, just don’t give Connie a hard time.  She’s taking the break up harder than you are.” 

“She’s the one who did the breaking up,” Bucky said. “I’m tired of having this conversation with everyone.” 

Angie crossed her arms.  “The only reason she broke up with you is because she heard you were fooling around--” 

“Well, I wasn’t, alright,” Bucky turned away momentarily.  “I wasn’t foolin’ around with anyone.  Instead of trusting me when I told her that, she decided to take the word of some liar and ended it.  Why would I want to go back with someone who didn’t trust me, after I gave her no reason to think otherwise--” 

“Your rep is good enough reason for her to have her doubts,” Angie said, tapping her foot. 

“I never… Look, I played the field a lot, I’m not denying that.  But I never stepped out on a girl I was courting.  Sure, I weighed my options when I was single, but when I was taken, I didn’t stray.  Nothing was different with Connie.  She just wouldn’t hear it.  So please, stop giving me a lecture about how I should give her some slack and forgive her.  I honestly don’t care anymore.  If she wants to go off with Rumlow she can be my guest, but I’m done chasing after her.  I said my piece to her and it wasn’t good enough.  I moved on.  She should too.”  Bucky put his hands in his pocket.  “I’m gonna get us some punch.” 

Angie didn’t say anything as Bucky walked away.  He was tired of having this same conversation every day.  Everyone assumed that it was his fault that relationship fell through--they were wrong.  He hadn’t done a damn thing wrong, and wasn’t going to apologize again. 

Bucky poured them some punch, and as he was walking back to Angie, he saw Falsworth and Dum Dum trying to spike the punch bowl.  At least it would make the dance a bit more interesting.   

“Here,” He handed one to Angie.  “I managed to get it before they dumped the alcohol in it.” 

She snorted.  “Too bad; maybe next time?” 

Bucky chuckled.  “I’m sure once Stark gets going, we’re all gonna need a little something to make tonight tolerable.” 

The dance was being hosted by Hollywood hot shot, Howard Stark.  He was a TV personality, entrepreneur, and terminal bachelor.  It wasn’t surprising that he had snatched this gig up, traveling to high schools around the country.  Bucky would bet that Howard was more interested in the barely-legal girls than the dancing. 

Angie nodded.  “You’re telling me.  Personally, I think he’s just a gimmick, I haven’t heard of one of his little experiments going well.” 

He shrugged.  “Doesn’t mean much. I’m pretty sure science is tricky like that.” 

Sure enough, it wasn’t long until Howard Stark walked onto the stage with his signature flirtatious smile.  Bucky had to admit the guy had quite a presence. 

He walked up to the microphone with a smug look on his face.  He tapped the microphone twice before clearing his throat.  “Hello there, Ladies and Gentlemen of Lehigh Secondary School.  I’m your host for this evening, but I hardly need any introduction.  For the select few of you who may not know who I am, the name’s Howard Stark.  I’ll be one of your many judges this evening.  I know that part of the fun in dancing is…  well…  having some fun in other ways--but we’ve got to keep it clean for TV.  I know--I know, I keep telling them that audiences are more liberal, but so far the network is still insisting on keeping everything… _tasteful_.  If we feel that you’re… not meeting those expectations or if your moves aren’t… up to par, then you’ll be disqualified.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow, it was almost as if the network had no idea what it was like to attend a high school dance.  The dancing was anything _but_ clean or tasteful.  If there was ever a reason for Lehigh to cause a nationwide incident it would be tonight. 

Angie gave him a look.  “That’s not exactly somethin’ we gotta worry about.” 

“‘Course not,” Bucky said reassuringly.  “We’ll be the epitome of taste.” 

She shook her head with a laugh.  “I didn’t say that.” 

Bucky laughed as he caught 13’s eye from across the room.  She was apparently there with Gabe.  Although it seemed to be more platonic than anything else.   

Bucky had to admit the Carter sisters were gorgeous.  In another world it would make sense for Steve to be with either of them. They were smart, witty, and took no shit.  Not to mention their looks.  Yet somehow, Steve wasn’t with either of them--not really.  For some reason he had chosen Bucky, even when he had no reason to.  It made him want to grab Steve and kiss him in front of everyone… but he couldn’t.  There was no telling how anyone would react and definitely not on national television. 

His attention was brought back to the stage as the band started playing.  Bucky took Angie’s hand politely and led her out onto the dance floor.  It was nice dancing with Angie.  He didn’t have to worry about making a good impression and they were able to just let loose and have fun.  Not to mention she wasn’t a half bad dancer. 

Bucky only caught a glance at Steve and Peggy a few times.  They seemed to be having a nice time, not that Steve’s dancing had improved.  He honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if Peggy decided to start leading.  

At one point, Angie snickered as he tapped Bucky’s shoulder.  “Look over there.” 

Bucky looked over his shoulder to see Howard Stark paying no attention to the dance competition but rather he was flirting it up with Lorraine. 

“She must be loving that,” Bucky teased.  It was no secret that Lorraine had a thing for older guys with a deep wallet.  Luckily, they didn’t have to see much of those two for the rest of the night. 

He did, unfortunately, see Rumlow and Connie quite a few times.  Bucky honestly wasn’t jealous--he couldn’t care less who Connie was seeing, but something about seeing Rumlow’s smug face at _his school_ made Bucky’s blood boil.  They were clearly on Howling Commando turf--Rumlow had no business being there. 

Angie must have noticed because she tapped Bucky lightly.  “Don’t worry about them, it’s not as though they’re gonna win this thing.” 

Unfortunately, Angie might have been wrong about that.  Rumlow might have had two left feet, but Connie was the epitome of grace on her feet.  When they used to date, Bucky would take her dancing all the time.  She certainly knew how to move. 

That didn’t bring out the best in Bucky.  What had started out as a fun night out with one of his best friends turned into a competitive mess.  Bucky started using all of his best moves and for a while it was working out in their favor.  That is until he spun Angie a bit too hard right into Brock Rumlow, causing both of them to fall to the ground. 

Bucky went over to help her when he felt someone tug on his hand… _Connie_.  Initially his first instinct was to pull away and go help Angie but then he realized that he and Connie were the only ones left on the floor.  It was simple… he could dance with Connie or forfeit the competition to Rumlow.  He knew what he _should_ have done.  He should have told Connie to kiss his ass and then go help Angie.  His pride got the better of him, he was not about to let _Brock Rumlow_ win on his turf. 

He took Connie’s hand and the two of them dominated the dance floor for their victory lap.  Then Bucky caught a glimpse of Steve from the corner of his eye and he felt his stomach drop.   

Steve was looking at him like he had just kicked his puppy.  His face was flushed; he was clearly upset.  Bucky couldn’t exactly go over and explain things though, he was on TV and… well, he really owed Angie an explanation first. 

Howard Stark mosied on over to them.  “Congratulations you two, what are your names?” 

“James and Connie!” 

Bucky grimaced as Connie practically jumped up and down in excitement.  Bucky politely waved at the camera, just desperate to apologize to both Angie and Steve. 

Howard said some nonsense to the camera, essentially telling people to tune in next week or something.  When the camera cut off, he walked away from Connie.  She tried to go after him, but he ignored her.  Maybe it was a bit cruel not to at least clarify things to her, but he didn’t owe her a damn thing.  Least of all was courtesy. 

He walked over to Angie who was sitting in a chair, her arms crossed, and tapping her foot impatiently. She was obviously fuming.  Carter, 13, and Lorraine were all sitting around her. 

“Ang, I’m sorry,” Bucky said ignoring the judgemental looks the other girls were giving him.  “I let my pride get the best of me--” 

“Save it, Barnes.” She stood up impatiently.  “Just take me home.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Fair enough.”  He saw Steve walk out of the gym from the corner of his eye.  “Look, Ang you take your time.  I’m just gonna pull the car around.” 

With that, Bucky raced out of the gym and into Steve.  “Steve--” 

“I can’t really talk right now, I told Peggy I was gonna go get her jacket so… I’ll see you around,” Steve said coldly. 

“Oh come on, Brooklyn--” 

“Just don’t.  How would you feel if you saw me dancing with my ex right now?  I thought the dates were supposed to be platonic?” Steve crossed his arms.  

“Steve--” 

“I’ll see you Monday, Bucky.”  At that, Steve shook his head and walked away, leaving Bucky alone in the hallway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	7. My Eyes Are Not the First to Cry

Chapter 7- My Eyes Are Not the First to Cry 

Over the weekend, Bucky tried his best to make things up to Steve and Angie.  Angie was easier.  He brought some flowers over to her place and just apologized.  Lucky for him, she wasn’t the type to hold a grudge. 

Steve on the other hand… .  Bucky had gone over to Steve’s place several times, and so far no one had answered the door.  He had to wonder if Steve had warned his aunt and uncle about him.  After all it wouldn’t make sense for _no one_ to ever be home.  Unfortunately, Steve appeared to be taking this to heart, no matter how long Bucky would wait outside the house, no one would open up the door.  The least Steve could do was come down and tell him to get lost--apparently, he wouldn’t even do that. 

Eventually Bucky had to accept defeat and head home.  He was able to take some comfort in the fact that Steve would _have_ to face him at school on Monday.  At least then he might be able to get a chance to explain himself.   

* * *

 

Bucky was wrong.  Apparently Steve was the drama queen of the century, and wouldn’t even be showing up at school the next week.  At first Bucky didn’t think much of it.  He could have been sick or something but after a few days it became clear that something else was going on. 

Bucky decided to ask Carter about it.  If anyone would know where Steve was, it would be her.  However, he had to try and be nonchalant about it.  He couldn’t make it obvious that he was concerned about the other boy. 

They were sitting at lunch.  Most of the girls were talking about class, while the guys were talking about girls and cars.  Bucky waited patiently for an in. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long for Steve’s name to come up.  Carter started talking about the dance, and all Bucky had to do was wait. 

“ …  I mean he wasn’t exactly the greatest dancer in the world, but we had a nice time.  I’m just surprised he hasn’t asked me out again,” Peggy said with a shrug. 

“Maybe you gave him too much on the first date,” Sharon teased with a smile. 

Peggy raised an eyebrow at her younger sister.  “Trust me, it was nothing like that.  You know Steve, he’s a complete gentlemen.  It’s actually kind of endearing really.” 

Bucky snorted.  “Sounds like he’s a bit of a pansy to me.  Now that you mention it, where has your boyfriend been all week, Carter?  I thought you two would be fawning all over each other by now.” 

“What’s it to you, Barnes?” Peggy asked. 

He shrugged.  “Just curious.” 

That seemed to satisfy her because she continued.  “Honestly, I haven’t the faintest idea.  I haven’t seen him in school, and he hasn’t come by the house.  I think he might have come down with something.” 

Bucky just nodded, pretending to be uninterested.  He didn’t want to reveal too much.  That said, he was glad that Steve wasn’t just icing him out.  Apparently, Carter wasn’t immune to his silent treatment either. 

Bucky tuned out of the rest of the conversation and pretended to be interested in what the guys were talking about.  If Steve wasn’t back by the end of the week, Bucky would just have to camp out in front of his aunt’s house.  He had worked so hard to get Steve back, he wasn’t about to give him up without a fight.

* * *

It became obvious that Bucky was not being patient.  As great as the plan was, it required waiting, and it was making him irritable.  He was snapping at the Howlies over stupid things.  His breaking point was the last swim meet of the season.   

Usually Steve would try to subtly watch from the benches that were set up for spectators.  He had hoped that Steve would at least try and work with Bucky and make things better.  He didn’t show.  Bucky came in third place out of five in his race… it was the worst performance he ever had a swim meet.  Luckily, due to his otherwise spectacular performances, none of his teammates--or the coach--gave him a hard time about it. 

When it was over, Bucky entered the locker room without a word.  Part of him wished that he would bump into Steve like that first time.  He didn’t.  So instead, Bucky took a shower, once he was sure he was alone, he let out a scream of complete anger and aggravation.  _All this for nothing._ He made one mistake and Steve was able to forget about him and move on just like that.  No.  He would not let that be the end.  If Steve wanted to end things, he would have to say it to Bucky’s face. 

Bucky turned off the faucet and shoved his swimsuit in his bag hastily.  He got in his car and drove to Steve’s place. As he pulled up to the driveway, he was able to see that the lights were on and there appeared to be some noise coming from inside.  He _knew_ someone was definitely home this time. 

He boldly walked up to the door and knocked loudly.  He waited a few seconds before knocking again, he would not be ignored any longer.  He’d stay there all night knocking on the door if he had to. 

As he went to knock a third time, the door swung open.  There stood a short woman, he assumed Steve’s aunt. She looked a bit disheveled, her hair was out of place, her clothes wrinkled, and she looked as though she had a cold. 

“Can I help you?” She asked drowsily. 

Bucky paused.  He didn’t actually think anyone would open.  “Uh--” he thought for a moment.  “Hi, I’m looking for Steve?  He hasn’t been in school, and I wanted to see if he needed the notes.” 

She looked puzzled for a moment.  “One sec, he’ll be right down.”   

The door closed again and Bucky stood there awkwardly for a moment, waiting for someone to come back.  What if Steve had warned them?  What if he really had no intention of ever speaking to Bucky again? 

After a long moment, the door creaked open.  There stood Steve, his eyes were red and puffy.  Maybe he was just sick?  Was it possible that he was out due to illness the entire time. 

“Hey,” Bucky said quietly.  All his anger vanishing as he saw the other boy.  “I’m really sorry--” 

Steve pulled him into a spine crushing hug as he let out a soft sob.  “My mom died.” 

Bucky froze as Steve just held onto him.  He didn’t know what to say.  What was there even to say? 

“I’m so sorry, Stevie. I don’t know--” 

“We had to go to Brooklyn,” He sniffled, still holding onto Bucky.  “It was--I can’t-- My aunt--” 

It clicked.  Steve was hurting, and the last thing he wanted was to have to put on a brave face for his aunt and uncle.  “You’re crashing at my place tonight--no arguments.  Just tell your aunt you need to get out of the house, and I’m gonna help you with your homework or something.  My parents probably won’t even notice that you’re there.” 

Steve nodded and Bucky was a little surprised.  He had expected Steve to fight him on that one. 

“Yeah, okay.  Give me a minute, I’ve just gotta--” He motioned to the front door.  “Please don’t leave.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, Brooklyn,” Bucky said honestly.  He had no intentions of leaving Steve, especially not after what he must have been going through. 

Bucky glanced around the street, luckily no one seemed to be outside.  Hopefully no one saw them embracing earlier.  Not that it would have necessarily meant anything.  Steve had just lost his mother.  It made sense that a friend would be consoling him. 

Steve reappeared with his backpack.  Bucky assumed that it had a change of clothes for the next day.  

“You ready?” Bucky asked, not wanting to rush him. 

Steve just nodded again, as he took his place in the passenger side seat. 

* * *

 

The ride to Bucky’s house was silent.  He had no idea what to say, or how to even begin to console Steve.  He had no idea what Steve was going through, and no idea how to make him feel better. 

“Did you eat?” Bucky asked as his stomach growled a bit, he hadn’t eaten since lunch.  He could always eat something at home though, he just wasn’t sure if Steve wanted anything.  “I could pick something up for you if you want--” 

Steve shook his head.  “No thanks.  I’m not hungry.” 

Bucky didn’t push it.  He just took Steve’s hand in his right one, and rubbed it soothingly.  It was the only thing he could think to do. 

He pulled into the driveway next to his father’s car.  “Just follow my lead, all right?  My parents don’t pay much attention to me anyway.” 

“You don’t have to do this, Buck--” 

“Yes, I do.  I know I’ve been an ass, especially at the dance, but I’m not gonna let you deal with this on your own.  Besides, my parents will be thrilled that I have a ‘respectable friend’ as opposed to the usual ‘delinquents.’  Just trust me, Steve,” Bucky said, taking Steve’s left hand and kissing it softly. 

Steve nodded.  “Thank you, Buck.” 

Bucky led Steve into the house.  He walked in and grabbed a snack from the cabinet, not saying a word to his parents.  Steve stood there awkwardly, clearly unsure of what to do or say.  Just as Bucky was about to lead Steve to his room, his mother spoke up. 

“James, who’s your friend?” 

Bucky stopped dead in his tracks.  Now, in this moment, she had to pretend to be a good mother? Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but Steve had beaten him to it. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Mrs. Barnes.  You must think I’m so rude.  My name’s Steve, ma’am.  I’m new in town and Bucky’s been helping me fit in and make new friends. In return, I’ve been helping him with math.  We figured that we’d study here this weekend.  I hope that’s all right.  I assumed that Bucky had mentioned it to you.” Steve gave an apologetic smile. 

Bucky cleared his throat.  “Yeah, he’s gonna crash here tonight.  I thought I told you about it.” 

His mother looked like she was about to protest, but his father jumped in. 

“I’m sure you just forgot about it, Winnie.  Besides,” He looked at Steve. “If you can get our kid studying, then you’re welcome whenever you’d like.” 

“Thank you. Mr. Barnes.  It was nice meeting you two,” Steve said and Bucky was impressed that Steve could be that convincing even after everything he was going through. 

Bucky motioned towards his bedroom, and Steve followed him down the hall.  Bucky opened the door for Steve.  Steve stepped in and glanced around for a moment as Bucky locked the door behind them. 

“Sorry about them. They usually don’t ask so many questions,” Bucky said, sitting down on the bed.  “We can do whatever you want. If you wanna talk or listen to records or just sit here.  It’s up to you.” 

Steve looked back to him, teary-eyed.  He was clearly trying to put on a brave face.   

Bucky stood up and walked over to him.  He grasped Steve’s hand and tugged him closer to him.  He kissed Steve’s forehead softly.  “It’s okay if you wanna cry, or yell, or scream, or throw some shit around.  It’s also okay if all you wanna do is watch the TV or listen to the radio.  Hell, I’d be fine just sitting here in silence if that’s what you wanted, but it’s _your_ choice.  _You’re_ the one who needs _me_ right now.   I’m just glad you don’t hate me.” 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed.  “Why? Because of the dance?  I was annoyed, Bucky, but I wasn’t exactly gonna call it quits.  You shared one dance with her, I wasn’t thrilled but… it wasn’t the end of the world either.  _This_ … losing my mom… _that_ feels like the end of the world.” 

Bucky nodded.  “I’m not gonna say that I understand, because I don’t.  My folks and I may not be close, but I don’t what I’d do if I were in your position.  Just… you don’t… you don’t have to be brave here.  I know that with your aunt you think you gotta take care of her and be strong.  Well that’s bullshit here, Steve.  You can react however you want, and I’ll be the one to take care of you.” 

Steve looked down for a moment.  Bucky wasn’t sure if he had overstepped his place, after all just an hour ago he was ready to argue with the other boy.  When Steve looked back up, there was no ignoring the tears flowing from his eyes.  Bucky looked at his sympathetically. 

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky and cried into his neck.  Bucky began to rub circles against Steve’s back; trying to comfort him in what little way he could.  As terrible as he felt for Steve, he had to admit, it was nice to have Steve back in his arms against.  Words could not describe how devastated he would have been had things been over between the two.[Text Wrapping Break]Bucky redirected Steve over to the bed.  Steve had more weight than he did.  He could only support the other boy for so long.  After some awkward repositioning, Bucky wound up laying on his back, arm around Steve who was sideways so that his head was resting on Bucky’s chest.   

They stayed like that for a while before Steve sniffled a bit.  “Y--you c--c--can t--t--t--t-turn on the radi--radio, if you w--w--want.” 

“Okay,” Bucky said quietly as he reached over to his bedside table. “Any station you like in particular?” 

Steve shook his head, so Bucky just put something on, and lowered the volume a bit.  It worked as background noise, and it seemed to calm Steve down a bit.  Sure he was still crying, but his breathing was a bit lighter. 

Bucky continued to rub small circles into Steve’s back, occasionally kissing the top of Steve’s head or forehead.  He wished there was something more that he could do for the other boy, but… he wasn’t even sure where to start. 

After what Bucky assumed was a few hours, he heard Steve’s breathing even out.  He felt relieved that Steve was at least able to fall asleep.  It felt amazing having Steve beside him. Bucky wished that there were someway he could hold onto this forever… if only that were possible.  Even if he and Steve had managed to make it through the school year, it wasn’t realistic to think that they would be able to keep it going for much longer than that. 

Bucky felt himself start to drift off to sleep, his eyes became heavy as he kissed Steve’s forehead for the last time that night. 

* * *

 

Bucky awoke the next morning to featherlight kisses on his neck.  His eyes crept open as Steve came into focus.  Bucky slowly as up, meeting Steve’s lips with his own.  They pulled apart, bumping noses for a moment. 

“Good morning,” Steve said quietly. 

Bucky smiled as he rubbed his forehead.  “Did you sleep okay?” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I did.  Thank you, Buck.  For everything… especially last night.” 

Bucky gave him a look.  “Don’t you dare go thanking me for that.  Honestly, all I did was sit here with you.  It was nothing.  If it helped, even a little bit, then I’m glad.” 

“It did,” Steve smile softly.  “I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s not like it magically fixed everything, she’s my mom… it just helps knowing that you’ll be here for me.” 

“Of course,” Bucky said as he pecked Steve’s lips softly.  His stomach growled as they pulled apart. 

“Hungry?” Steve asked.   

Bucky laughed.  “What gave it away?  Look, I’ll go get changed, brush my teeth, and then… there’s this little diner outside of town we can go.  No one’ll know us there.” 

Steve raised an eyebrow.  “You sure about that?” 

“Positive.  Just get ready.”  Bucky stood up out of the bed and picked up some of his clothes.  As he went to leave he leaned over Steve, kissing him sweetly. 

Steve smiled softly at him, as Bucky walked out of the room.  He snuck into the bathroom, brushing his teeth carefully.  The last thing he wanted was to have residual morning breath. Steve must have been grossed out a bit already. 

When we walked out of the bathroom, his mother rushed over from the kitchen.  “James.” 

He looked back to her raising an eyebrow. 

“Why didn’t you bring in the spare mattress from your sister’s room?  Your friend must think we’re so rude,” she said, sounding a bit anxious. 

Bucky opened his mouth for a moment and shut it.  He opened it again, pausing for a moment.  “Not that it’s a big deal, but Steve said he wanted to crash on the floor.  Didn’t want to be a bother or something.” 

She looked at him oddly.  She looked as if she was going to say something else, but stood there with her mouth hanging half open. 

Bucky turned away from her with an eyeroll and headed back into his room.   

Steve was sitting on his bed, changed in new clothes clutching his toothbrush in his hand.  “I don’t know where the bathroom is,” he said awkwardly. 

Bucky nodded.  “Sorry about that, it’s right next door.  When you leave the room it’s the first door on the left.” 

Steve nodded as he scurried off to brush his own teeth.  

Bucky took that as an opportunity to tidy up his room a bit.  He didn’t exactly want Steve thinking that he was a complete slob.  After a few minutes, Steve came back, and it was clear that the sadness had hit him again.  His eyes were down and he gave Bucky a sad smile. 

“You okay?” Bucky asked.  “We can just stay here if you’d like.” 

Steve shook his head.  “I’m okay, it’s just--I never got to tell her about you.  Not really.  I mentioned you over the summer but… things were up in the air with us for a while and… I really didn’t want to tell her about it if it didn’t get better.  Then we were keeping everything a secret and I didn’t want my aunt to find out… I think she would have liked you.” 

Bucky snorted.  “While I’m sad I never got to meet or talk to her, your mom probably would’ve wanted to kick my ass for the way I’ve been acting.” 

Steve let out a small laugh.  “You’ve got a point there.” 

Bucky kissed Steve’s lips sweetly.  “I love you, and I’m so so sorry.” 

“Stop apologizing,” Steve said.  “I love you too, but you’ve made up for everything.  No one’s perfect, Buck.” 

Bucky sighed.  “You ready to go?” 

Steve nodded, picking up his backpack.  “Yeah, let’s get going.” 

They walked out of the room and towards the front door.  Bucky’s mother was standing awkwardly in the living room. 

Steve smiled politely.  “Thank you so much for having me, Mrs. Barnes.” 

She opened her mouth to speak but all she did was nod. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “Sorry about that.” 

“James,” She spoke up as they went to walk out the door. 

Bucky looked to Steve, handing him the car keys.  “Let yourself in the car, I’ll be right out.” 

Steve took the keys before waving to Bucky’s mother one last time.  “Thanks again, Mrs. Barnes.”  This time he walked out the door not waiting for a response. 

“What?” Bucky asked exasperated.  “You had to be rude to my friend… _really._ ” 

“James,” she said, desperation clear in her voice.  “What are you doing?” 

He looked at her confused.  “I’m dropping Steve off at home, what did you think I was doing.” 

Her face was ridden with worry.  But whatever was bothering her she didn’t voice. 

Bucky turned to walk out the door. 

“James,” she called yet again, panic in her eyes. 

“What?” He asked getting annoyed. 

She sighed, as she looked at him, almost in anguish.  “Please be careful.” 

“I always am, Mom,” Bucky said giving her a small smile as he walked out the door. 

When Bucky entered the car he turned to Steve.  “Sorry about her.  She means well, she just gets out of sorts easily.” 

Steve shrugged.  “It’s okay.  I just hope I didn’t do anything to upset her.” 

Bucky shook his head.  “No, she just gets like that sometimes.  It’s weird, I was hoping you wouldn’t have to deal with that.” 

“It’s not a problem,” Steve said quietly, and suddenly Bucky felt like an asshole.  Who the hell was he to be complaining about his mother while he sat next to Steve… who had just lost his mother. 

“What are you gonna get for breakfast?” Bucky asked, changing the subject. 

Steve shrugged.  “I don’t know, maybe some oatmeal or something.” 

Bucky gave him a look.  “C’mon, track season just ended.  Live a little, Rogers.” 

Steve gave him a small smile.  “We’ll see.  What about you?” 

Bucky grinned widely.  “I’m gonna have the largest platter of pancakes that you’ve ever seen.” 

Steve smirked.  “I have to ask you something.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky raised an eyebrow. 

He laughed.  “Yeah, I just never realized that your first name was actually James.  I’m just wondering where the hell you get ‘Bucky’ from that.” 

Bucky chuckled.  “Really?  That’s your burning question?  It’s really not all that exciting.  To make a long story short; I didn’t like my first name much, no real reason for it, I just didn’t like it.  My sister thought it’d be a great idea to start calling me by my middle name ‘Buchanan.’  Unfortunately--or maybe it was fortunate in the long run, most kids can’t pronounce that.  Eventually everyone just kind of decided on ‘Bucky,’ and what can I say, it stuck.” 

“Really?  I thought you were gonna say that you used to have bad teeth or somethin’ as a kid,” Steve teased.   

Bucky shook his head.  “‘Course not.  I take good care of myself.” 

Steve gave him a small smile, as he looked back to the road.  Clearly, he was still a mess, but Bucky was glad to help however he could.   

They arrived at the diner, luckily it appeared to be pretty vacant.  That relaxed Bucky a bit, it was easier to just be himself without worrying about there being too much judgement. 

The pair settled into a booth, Bucky watched as Steve browsed the menu diligently.  Bucky still couldn’t believe that he had managed to get this lucky; to have Steve sitting across from him.  Steve could have anyone, and yet for some reason, he had picked Bucky.  He was almost waiting for the other shoe to drop.   

Steve put down the menu, and looked at Bucky.  “What?” 

“Hm?” 

“Why are you looking at me like that?  Do I got somethin’ on my face?” 

Bucky shook his head.  “No, no.  You’re perfect; too perfect for words.” 

Steve gave him a look, before Bucky saw Steve’s face begin to flush.  

“It’s true,” Bucky said with a smirk. 

Steve shook his head.  “Believe me, I’m not perfect.  You don’t give yourself enough credit, Buck.” 

Bucky scoffed.  “C’mon, Stevie.  I’ve messed this up plenty of times.” 

Steve shrugged.  “You’re human, you always make it right in the end.  I know you told me not to thank you, but I appreciate what you did for me last night.  It meant the world to me.  I’m glad that I know that I can rely on you when things get rough.” 

Bucky waved dismissively.  “I didn’t do much, Steve.  All I did was take you to my house, I didn’t even feed you.” 

“Well you’re doing that now,” Steve teased. 

Bucky grinned as he glanced around, hardly anyone was there, and no one was paying attention to them.  He reached across the table and took Steve’s hand in his. 

“You sure?” Steve asked quietly.  “You don’t have to prove anything, Bucky.” 

“I’m sure, no one’s even looking at us, and it’s not like they’d know who we were anyway.  Plus, I like holding my _boyfriend_ ’s hand,” Bucky said. 

Steve paled as he looked to the side.   

Bucky looked up, and saw their waitress--not just their waitress-- _Angie._   Bucky’s jaw dropped, as Steve swiftly retracted his hand. 

Her eyes widened slightly, but she maintained her composure.  “Can I start you two off with something to drink?” 

“Ang--” 

“I’ll give you some time to look over the menu,” She said as she swiftly turned around and went to walk off. 

“Give me a sec,” Bucky said to Steve as he stood up and went after her.  Bucky followed Angie over to the counter where she put in an order. 

“Ang, will you talk to me?” Bucky asked quietly.  “I don’t know what you heard--” 

“Nothing, I hadn’t already figured out for myself,” Angie said quietly.  “Look, Buck,  I don’t care who you screw, just make sure you’re careful.  You’re walking on thin ice, Barnes.” 

“You _knew?_ ” 

“I suspected.  First you were so upset about Peg wanting him to join the Howlies, and then every time you saw him with her you looked like someone kicked your puppy.  Then when he was out; you might as well have been gettin’ a visit from your Aunt Flow.”  She sighed, as she rubbed her forehead.  “Are you happy?” 

“What?” 

“Are you happy?” She repeated herself, placing her hands on her hips. 

Bucky glanced back to Steve, before looking Angie in the eye.  “When I’m with him, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” 

Her expression softened.  “That’s all that matters, Barnes.  Just don’t fuck it up.  You’re secret’s safe with me.” 

“Why are you being so… normal about this?  I expected a fight.” Bucky said, putting his hands in his pocket. 

She paused as she glanced around momentarily.  “Let’s just say… you’re not alone.  I know what it’s like.” 

His jaw fell a bit.  “Wait… you’re…” 

She shushed him.  “I didn’t make a big deal about your thing so you don’t get to make a big deal about mine.  But we’ve gotta stick together.” 

Bucky nodded.  “Always.  Somehow you and I always end up on the same team.” 

She smirked.  “Damn right we do.  Now go sit down, I’ve got a job to do.” 

Bucky let out a sigh of relief as he walked back over to Steve.  “Hey, she’s cool with it.  Apparently she--um… she gets it.” 

Steve nodded.  “Good--great.  Are _you_ okay though?  I know this is kind of your worst nightmare.” 

 “I’m… I… I don’t know, but today’s not about me.  It’s about you.  Whatever comes from Angie knowing… I’ll deal with it.  Now, you better order something that isn’t oatmeal,” Bucky said squeezing Steve’s hand momentarily, before letting go. 

Steve smiled.  “I won’t, I’ll get something different.” 

Bucky glanced over to Angie, who gave him an encouraging smile as she came back over to take their order.  For the first time… Bucky was able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe he really could keep this up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	8. Stranded at the Drive In

Chapter 8- Stranded at the Drive In 

The next week was… weird.  Angie had seemingly kept her promise. If anyone else knew, then they didn’t say anything about it to him.  The rest of the week had really been dedicated to fixing up Gabe’s car.  The assignment was getting close to the due date, and Bucky was depending on this to save the rest of the GPA.  At least it could make his mom happier if he did okay in school. 

The car was coming along nicely.  The paint job alone had done wonders for the car’s previous eyesore status.  Additionally some of the parts were exchanged; most of the parts were taken from junkyards, but some were… acquired other ways.  Gabe was getting excited about the idea of racing it down by the yard… Bucky wasn’t as enthusiastic about that.  Bucky was pretty sure that the car _could_ win the race, it was just a matter of if it _would_ and if it could come out of the race in good condition. 

“I’m telling you man, if we win that’ll show all of them.  Zemo, Rollins, Sitwell and Rumlow won’t have shit to say,” Gabe said as he closed the hood of the car. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “I’m sure they’ll still talk, Gabe.  Look, you really don’t have to race it.  We just fixed it up. It’s in prime condition, so what’s the point in messing it up in some stupid pissing competition?  You don’t gotta prove anything to the Hydras anyway.” 

Gabe crossed his arms.  “You don’t think I can win?” 

He rolled his eyes.  “I didn’t say that.  Of course you can win.  Rumlow’s not exactly driving a prize out there.  That said, what’s the point in trashing the car?  We just got it fixed.  Enjoy it for a bit.” 

“I wanna race it, Buck.  Just imagine the look on their faces…” Gabe’s voice trailed off. 

Bucky shook his head.  “Look, you do what you’ve gotta do.  If you wanna race it, then we’ll all be there cheering you on.  I’m just sayin’ you’ve got nothing to prove.” 

Gabe nodded as he surveyed the car again.  “I wanna do it, Buck.” 

“Then do it,” Bucky said with a sigh.  “Just enjoy the car for a little while first.  It’s gonna break my heart if you take all that hard work of mine and trash it in a race on its first day out.” 

Gabe laughed.  “All right, all right, Barnes.  Maybe I’ll take it to the drive in or something.  I’m sure it’s a babe magnet now.” 

“Damn right it is,” Bucky teased.  “Maybe I’ll catch you there.  It’s been a long time since I went to the drive in.” 

“Cool,” Gabe said.  “I’ll tell the guys.” 

Bucky silently cursed himself for saying anything at all.  The last thing that Bucky needed was for everyone to see him on a date with Steve.  The only reason he was taking Steve to the drive in was that it was easy to lay low.  He figured it would also help Steve get his mind off of everything.  There was no getting out of that now. 

“Yeah, catch you guys there,” Bucky said stupidly.  He walked out of the garage and went to go home.  Steve was waiting by his car as usual.  Pretending to be friends with Steve really helped with things like this, he didn’t have to worry about anyone getting suspicious about driving the other boy home, or spending time with him. 

“Hey,” Steve smiled as he hopped into the car.  “I was talking to Sam this afternoon, we’re thinking about running to school every morning, so you won’t have to drive me.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow as he threw his books in the backseat.  “I thought track was over?” 

“Technically; but there’s a spring season, besides I wanna stay in shape.  Unless you don’t want me running with Sam?” 

“Look, he’s your friend, and, if you wanna do it, then I think you should.  It’s just gonna suck not driving you in every day.  We don’t spend as much time together as I’d like to,” Bucky said honestly.  “But he’s your friend, and I know he’s been great in helping you deal with losing your mom.  I get it.” 

Steve bit his lip; clearly conflicted.  That made Bucky feel like an asshole, Steve was going through hell and all he wanted was to see his friend more often. 

“You should do it,” Bucky piped up.  “I’ll deal with it.”  

“You sure?” Steve asked as Bucky began pulling out of the parking lot. 

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah of course.  We still good for the drive in tonight?” 

“Yeah, I’m excited,” Steve said.  “I didn’t go to many back home.” 

“Really?” 

“I was usually busy with taking care of…” His voice trailed off as he looked down at his shoes. 

“We could just go for milkshakes, at that diner Angie works at,” Bucky piped in.  “We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.” 

“No.”  Steve shook his head.  “I wanna go to the movie.  It’ll be fun.” 

Bucky glanced as Steve; unsure.  “Whatever you want, Brooklyn.” 

Steve nodded as Bucky pulled in front of the house. 

“I’ll pick you up at six,” He called as Steve got out of the car. 

The other boy waved as he watched Bucky drive off.  

As he headed home, Bucky couldn’t stop himself from smiling.  It would be nice going on a _real_ date with Steve.  The only thing was he hoped that they didn’t wind up near his friends; they’d have to be more secretive and to themselves if the guys were there. 

He wanted to kick himself for mentioning it to the others.  It would be odd seeing Bucky there with Steve instead of some chick.  The good thing was he was planning to pick Steve up early.  Usually the guys didn’t get there until right before the flick started. 

Bucky entered his house.  He brushed past his mother, not even looking at her as he entered his bedroom.  He picked up his coke can full of cash and took out enough for the ticket, gas, and some extra for snacks or something. 

He glanced in his mirror and fussed with his hair for a moment, before walking back out of his bedroom.   

Bucky went to grab a quick snack when his mother interrupted him.  “Don’t spoil your appetite, I’m making meatloaf.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow.  “Well you can enjoy that, but I’m going out tonight.” 

“But it’s a school night,” She cried out.  She looked frazzled as she put her hands on her head. 

“I’ve been going out on school nights for the past five years… maybe even longer.  You never seemed to care,” Bucky said uninterestedly, she wouldn’t give him a hard time in the long run. 

She opened her mouth and then shut it.  She looked up clearly trying to think of a follow-up.  “But… Uh… Whe--where are you going?” 

“The drive in,” Bucky said, shaking his head. 

“With… um… with who?” 

Bucky paused considering how to answer this; he could just tell her Steve, or he could tell her he was going on a date, or he could use the guys as an excuse.  “Just some of the Howlies.” 

“Which ones,” she asked almost before he could finish answering. 

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “I know Gabe said he was gonna be there, and I think Steve is gonna show up.  The others will probably tag along too.” 

She made a face. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Clearly it’s not nothing Mom, you never… _care_ enough to ask me all this shit.  What’s the problem?” Bucky crossed his arms. 

She sighed.  “It’s not that I don’t care, James.  I just… your sister… I wanted to give you some independence…” 

Her voice broke off but it was clear.  Bucky sort of understood; she must’ve figured that if she gave him his space he wouldn’t want to leave and find his freedom elsewhere.  It didn’t change anything.  She didn’t just give him space, she ignored his existence as best as possible, the last thing he needed was her pretending to be mother of the year. 

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re getting weird over me going to the drive in.” Bucky closed the cabinet. 

She frowned.  “I just don’t like you hanging around that new boy.” 

“ _Steve?_ Literally out of all my friends, he’s practically a saint.  Kid wouldn’t even hurt a fly.  The one person you choose to have an issue with is _Steve_?  He was so polite to you, nicer than I’ve ever been, and you ignored him the whole time he was here--” 

“Well why was he here, James?  I don’t believe for a second that he came over to study!” She snapped. 

Bucky sighed.  “ _His mom died_. I didn’t want to bring it up when he was here, but his mom had just died!  I told him he could crash here for the night! Didn’t realize you had a problem with that.” 

Her expression dropped.  “Oh… Oh--” 

“Yeah, so I don’t know what your problem is with my friend, but I’m over it.  I’ll eat dinner here tomorrow if it means so much to you,” Bucky spat.  He shoved past her and into his bedroom, not wanting to hear what she had to say. 

* * *

 

Bucky had managed to ignore his mother for the rest of the day, until he left to go pick up Steve.  He barely uttered a goodbye to his parents as he walked out the door.  He jumped in his car and drove right to Steve’s place.  

When Bucky pulled up to Steve’s the other boy was already waiting outside, sitting on the porch.  Steve looked up and grinned at him as he walked over to the car. 

“You still good for the movie?” 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, I think it’ll be a fun distraction from everything.” 

“You sure--” 

“Yeah, yeah.  I don’t wanna stay in the house and… wallow.” Steve said honestly.  His eyes were bloodshot, and it was obvious that he had been crying earlier. 

“Okay,” Bucky said; not wanting to comment on it.  “Whatever you want, Brooklyn.” 

Steve smiled softly at him.  “Thanks, Buck.  This means a lot.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “Don’t mention it, it’s the least I could do.” 

Bucky drove them down to the drive in lot.  He paid for the tickets despite Steve’s protests that he could at least pay for his own ticket.  He drove them into their spot, and luckily it didn’t look as though they would be too close to the guys.  He couldn’t even see them yet.  That was its own blessing. 

“Want anything to eat?” Bucky asked as he pulled the keys out of the ignition. 

Steve frowned.  “I can buy the snacks since you got the tickets.  I _did_ come into an early inheritance.” Even though Steve had tried to make light of the situation his demeanor changed almost immediately.  He went from smiling and almost carefree to visibly sad and hurt. 

Bucky wasn’t sure what to say.  He tried to play it off.  “What kind of gentleman would I be if I let my date pay for anything?” 

Steve didn’t seem to hear him.  He was just looking down at his shoes, not even paying attention to what Bucky had said. 

Bucky grabbed Steve’s shoulder reassuringly.  “We don’t need to get snacks if you don’t want.” 

Steve gave him a grateful smile.  Clearly Bucky had made the right call by not going deeper into the issue than food, Steve obviously didn’t want to talk about his mom. 

“I’m not that hungry,” Steve answered. 

“Me neither,” Bucky said, not going to let something small ruin the night.  He took Steve’s hand in his and kissed it lightly.  The good thing about being in their own car, and being there early, is that no one saw or paid any attention to them. 

“Thanks for this, Buck.  I really wanted to get out of the house.  My aunt’s just crying all the time… and it… it makes things--” 

“Don’t mention it, Steve.  You’d do the same for me.  Besides, it gave me a great excuse to see you during the week.  Usually, I’ve gotta wait till the weekend to have alone time with you,” Bucky said, softly rubbed circles into Steve’s hand. 

Steve let out a sigh.  “I’m glad you suggested this.  I miss when we were down by the beach and got to see each other all day everyday.” 

“Me too,” Bucky admitted.  “Things were easier then. We didn’t have to worry about all the bullshit.” 

Steve’s eyes widened as he hastily pulled his hand away from Bucky’s.  “Shit, Buck. Your friends are here.” 

Bucky felt his face fall.  “Where?” 

Steve pointed out Bucky’s driver side window.  Right to the left of the car, was Gabe’s car.  He must have decided to show up early to impress some girl.  Bucky banged his head back against the seat.  They were going to be right next to each other for the entire movie. 

Dum Dum walked over to their car and knocked fervently on the window.   

Bucky groaned as he rolled it down a crack to talk to him.  “Yeah?” 

He opened his mouth and then furrowed his brow.  “You drove Rogers here?” 

Steve grimaced.  “Yeah,” he cleared his throat.  “My aunt’s real strict so Bucky said he’d pick me up. This way she wouldn’t worry about me gettin’ in the car with someone she doesn’t know.” 

Dum Dum just nodded.  “Look some of the girls are gonna show up soon too, just thought I’d give you a heads up.” 

“Cool, cool,” Bucky said, trying to sound nonchalant.  “Thanks for letting me know.” 

Dugan nodded as he walked over to the other guys who were all heading to the food court. 

Bucky turned to Steve, conflicted.  He wanted to stay in the car with Steve and enjoy the evening, but any chance of romance went out the window when his friends pulled up.  The last thing he needed was to draw anymore attention to them, the Howlies would be suspicious if Bucky spent the whole film in the car with Steve. 

He opened his mouth to speak, before Steve cut in. 

Steve crossed his arms.  “So I guess you’re gonna have to play sleazebag again?” 

Bucky rubbed his forehead.  “I don’t want to, Brooklyn, you’ve gotta believe me--” 

“But no one can know about us so you have to make it seem like you’re trolling for girls,” Steve finished for him. 

Bucky sighed. “Babe--” 

“Don’t,” Steve cut him off.  “Buck, I love you but I hate playing this stupid game.  This was supposed to be date night--” 

“I know, Stevie.  Look, I promise I’ll make it up to you.  I just… they’re already suspicious with us being here together.” Bucky said, trying to make Steve see the dilemma. 

Steve shook his head.  “Don’t bother, Buck.  Clearly your reputation is more important to you than our relationship.” 

“That’s not fair, Stevie.  I didn’t know that they were gonna be here, and I _definitely_ didn’t know they’d be right next to us.” Bucky waved his arms around in frustration. 

Steve shook his head.  “But we both _do know_ that you’re gonna go over there and flirt with all the girls, and maybe even make out with some of them or lord knows what else--” 

“Steve, a lot can be said about me, but I haven’t done _anything_ with _any girl_ since we’ve been dating,” Bucky said, getting heated.  “I’m sorry that I’m just trying to stop people from gettin’ suspicious.  I love you, Brooklyn, but I’ve been very upfront about wanting to keep this secret between us--” 

Steve scoffed.  “So is that supposed to make it okay for you to go and ignore me while we're supposed to be on date? Just because you need to keep up appearances and flirt with other people?”  He sighed, pausing.   “Look, I’m not saying that you have to go tell all your friends that we’re together, or anything!  I’m just asking you to stay in the car, and just spend time _with me_.” 

“Steve…” He glanced back, his friends were all watching the car.  It was obvious that they were waiting for him to come out and join them.  “I’m sorry, but I have to--” 

“Have a great life, Barnes,” Steve said as he angrily exited the car, slamming it behind him. 

Bucky jumped out of the car, he went to go after Steve but as he opened his mouth, he made eye contact with Falsworth, shutting it quickly.  He looked back in Steve’s direction, and then back to the guys.  Defeated, Bucky combed his hair as he walked over to meet his friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	9. You're Burning Up the Quarter Mile

Chapter 9- You’re Burning Up The Quarter Mile 

Bucky didn’t have time to think about fixing things with Steve.  He was busy enough between finishing up Gabe’s car, and trying to make sure he had enough credits to graduate on time. That meant he actually had to go, and pay attention in class.    

Part of him was ashamed to admit, things were so much… _easier_ if he wasn’t worrying about hiding Steve.  That said seeing Steve at school _killed him_.  Everyday when he was forced to see Steve sitting with the Carters or Sam Wilson, Bucky would feel as though he had been punched in the gut.  As easy as things were sans Steve, he still found himself missing the other boy.  He was torn.  On the one hand he loved Steve, and being apart from him was horrible, but on the other hand things were _so much easier_ , he wasn’t worried about anyone exposing him or finding out that he liked guys.  He didn’t have to worry about the potential consequences of people discovering his secret. 

He was working in the garage.  They had finally put the finishing touches on Gabe’s car.  Overall, it looked like a completely different vehicle.  What once used to be an eyesore and danger to the public had been turned into a hot rod with all the bells and whistles making it perfectly safe to be on the road.  Everyone was pleased with it, even the shop teacher gave them top marks for the end result saying that she “had seen nothing like it before.” 

Bucky was finishing up the last of the wax job before Dum Dum let out a low whistle. 

“So when are you gonna race it, Gabe?” 

All heads turned to Jones.  While Bucky had sincerely hoped that Gabe would decide against racing it, his last conversation with the other boy had made that seem highly unlikely. 

“I was thinkin’ this Friday,” Gabe said confidently.  “I figured that’s enough time to let The Hydras know when to be there.” 

“Yeah, two days should be enough notice for them unless they punk out,” Bucky piped up.  He may not have been thrilled that Jones wanted to race the car, but he had made up his mind, and the least Bucky could do was be supportive.  “You know we’ll be there.” 

“I’m sure they girls will come by too, who knows maybe 13 will finally be impressed enough to take you up on that date,” Dum Dum added. 

Gabe snorted.  “Nah, I’m pretty sure she’s still interested in Rogers.  Nothing happened between him and Peg, so she thinks she’s got a shot.”[Text Wrapping Break]Bucky’s stomach dropped.  The last thing that he wanted to think about was Steve.  Nevermind Steve _dating_ people.  “I don’t know, he seems pretty smitten with Peg.  I think he just moves too slow.” 

“Well he better get a move on, the school year’s almost over and it’s only a matter of time before the Carters move on to bigger and better things,” Dernier pointed out. 

Bucky nodded, not really interested.  There was no way that Steve would date Carter… unless things really were over between the two of them.  Bucky pushed those thoughts out of his mind, after the race he’d just have to devote all his time into making things right between Steve and him.  Until then, the two of them obviously needed some space between them.  He just had to hope that Steve wasn’t too quick to give up on him. 

Bucky headed out to his car, he saw Steve and Wilson running around the track, it didn’t inflict the usual flare of jealousy, but he just felt… _sad_.  Sad that Steve wouldn’t even look in his direction.  Disappointed in himself that he didn’t fight for the other boy, that he literally let him get up and walk away.   

Bucky didn’t blame Steve, why would he want to look at or talk to Bucky?  Bucky chose his reputation and his friends over a night out with Steve.  A night out with Steve that was supposed to help him get over the death of his mother.  In that moment, Steve had just needed Bucky to be there for him, and he couldn’t even do that for him.  Maybe Bucky just didn’t deserve Steve.  Steve deserved to be with someone like Sam or Peggy, someone who could just be with him and not worry about anything else.  It got Bucky thinking, maybe he just shouldn’t even bother anymore. 

* * *

 

 The rest of the week was dull.  Bucky avoided Steve to the best of his ability.  The only problem was that it definitely didn’t go unnoticed, least of all by Angie. 

It was Thursday morning, the first class of the day and Angie Martinelli slammed her things down on the desk next to him.  “What did you do, Barnes?” 

“Angie--” 

“Why do you do this to yourself?  You _were happy_!  Hell, you both were, Buck! What do you have against doing something good for yourself--” 

“Ang, I messed up big time.  I don’t think there’s any coming back from that.  It’s on me, and I’d really rather not talk about it,” Bucky said deadpan.   

She crossed her arms.  “I’m pretty sure if you just swallowed your pride and apologized--” 

“Look, Martinelli, I don’t really deserve another chance.  I messed up and this wasn’t exactly the first time either.  He deserves far better than me,” Bucky confessed. 

She snorted, shaking her head.  “You’re an idiot.”  Her voice became hushed “ _Steve_ is his own person, he can decide if he wants better, worse, or you.  Guess what, dummy, _he picked you_ , and from what I’ve heard, _you_ just _didn’t_ pick him back.” 

Bucky’s eyes widened up at that.  “Who told you what happened--” 

She didn’t answer because the classroom began filling with the rest of their peers.  “We’ll discuss it later.” 

“Ang,” he said in an angry whisper.  “Who else knows about this?  I know Steve isn’t close enough to you, he wouldn’t tell you.” 

She gave him a look.  “Then think, Barnes.  Who is he close enough to that he would confide in, but might also mention it to me?” 

At first he thought it must have been no one, that Angie was either a great guesser, or that she and Steve had managed to get closer over the past few weeks, but that didn’t make much sense.  Then it hit him.  _Carter_.  Peggy Carter was best friend to both Steve and Angie.  Maybe Steve was upset and confided in Carter, maybe she mentioned it to Angie. 

A wave of nausea hit him, the one good thing about not being with Steve was that no one would find out about their past, but if Carter knew… . He couldn’t even think about the possible consequences. 

Bucky felt as though everything was closing in around him. He had never felt so stupid.  How could he have thought that he would be able to go through all of this without anyone finding out?  If Angie was able to put it together then she couldn’t have been the only one.  What if the guys knew?  They would never let Bucky live it down.  He’d _have_ to move away, somewhere far where no one knew who he was.  For the first time he found himself empathizing with his sister, he finally understood what it was like to feel as if the only possible solution was to leave and never look back. 

Bucky walked out of the classroom, not caring that he had to walk through the whole class while it was still in session.  He hardly even heard Angie trying to convince him to sit down, or Erskine asking him where he was going.  He just had to get out of there.   

Bucky entered the bathroom, some other boys were in there all it took was one gruff “Get out,” to send them all scurrying out into the hall.  Bucky locked the door behind them.  After a few seconds, Bucky released this awful, blood curdling scream.  He couldn’t do this.  He wasn’t strong enough, he never was, and now his whole world was coming undone.  All of this because he was _greedy_.  He couldn’t have just left well enough alone after the beach.  He should have left his _summer fling in the summer_ , now he was testing fate and who knew what could happen if all this unfolded. 

After he regained his composure, he walked out of the bathroom, no one was in the hall, and he walked out of the building.  He went into his car, and drove, the only place he could, _home_. 

* * *

 

When he arrived at the house, he was hoping he’d be the only one home… he wasn’t.  His mother was in the living room, he tried to just ignore her and walk to his room, but she called after him almost immediately. 

“James!  James, what are you doing home so early?  You should be in school,” She reached him as he got to the door to his bedroom. 

He turned to face her but he just couldn’t do it anymore.  He broke down, sobbing.   

His mother looked shocked as she pulled him into an awkward embrace.  “It’s okay, it’s okay.”  She rubbed his back soothingly and it reminded him of when he was little.  Everytime he’d be upset his mother would pull him into a big hug and soothingly rub his back. 

They stood like that for a while before he began to calm down a little bit.  She was still holding him as she took a deep sigh.  “Is this about that boy?” 

He pulled away, confused.  “What?” 

“Steve,” she said clearly cautious of her words.  “I… I know, honey.  I wasn’t sure how to tell you, but--” 

“I don’t know what you’re--”Bucky began. 

“It’s okay,” She said quietly.  “Your dad and I talked about it and while it’s… new and … unusual and… well we’re not sure what it really means, the one thing we were able to agree on is that we’re not going to push another child out of this house.” 

“How did you--” 

She released a breath.  “Oh, well, you’re never gonna forgive me for this but… over the summer, I wanted to show you how proud your father and I were of you, you know with the job.  Well, I showed up near the end of your shift. I was going to take you for dinner, but I… I saw you… in the car with--” 

“I get the picture,” he said quietly.   

“Well after that I… I panicked, James.  I thought if I ignored it it would just go away, and for a little while it did, or so I thought.  Then you brought him to the house, and I recognized him.” There were tears in her eyes, clearly torn.   

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

She laughed uncomfortably.  “I wasn’t exactly sure how to start that conversation, and I wasn’t exactly happy about it at first, but… honey… you’re our son.  We… we just want what’s best, but as your father pointed out to me, you’re practically an adult now and you make your own choices.  If… that boy is your choice, then… well, he must be pretty special.” 

“I messed it up, Mom.” Bucky said, feeling a new appreciation for his mother, maybe she wasn’t as bad or as clueless as he had once believed her to be.  “I blew it, and I think… I think everyone’s gonna find out about me and…”  

Her eye’s widened.  “Oh, James, you’ve never done anything the easy way have you?” 

He laughed cynically.  “No, I guess not.” 

“Well, I’m not gonna lie to you, if everyone finds out it won’t be easy, but you’ll always have your father and I on your side, I promise.  And… if that boy… if _Steve_ can’t forgive your mistakes then maybe he’s not worth it.”  She lightly kissed the top of his head.  “I’m so sorry that I was so… absent.  You needed a mother and I… I needed to get my head out of my rear much sooner than I did.  I can never apologize enough for that, sweetheart.” 

“I think you just did,” Bucky said honestly.  He wasn’t sure what to do, until he spoke to her, there was no light at the end of the tunnel in this scenario, not until she forced him to see one.  For a mother who had, in her own words been “… absent… ” she had really stepped up to the plate, and he was seeing his mother in a brand new light. 

She gave him a relieved smile.  “Why don’t you and I go get some burgers and pop this afternoon.  I _do_ expect you to go back to school tomorrow, maybe things won’t be as bad as you think they will.” 

“I doubt it,” He shook his head.  “But I’ll go back there tomorrow.  I would appreciate it if you could help me get out of detention, if you could call the school and tell them I had to leave because I was sick or something. 

She gave him a slightly disapproving look, but nodded.  “I think you deserve a day off.” 

* * *

 

The first thing Bucky did when he arrived at the school the next day was pull Angie into an empty classroom. 

“How did Carter find out?” He demanded. 

She rolled her eyes.  “Who do you think helped _me_ figure it out?  She was suspicious before I ever was.  I think Sharon’s on to you too.  Before you flip out, no one is gonna tell anyone.  You should try to be more discreet, though.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that they knew?”  He asked, arms out in frustration. 

Angie crossed her arms.  “Peg told Steve.  I thought he passed the message along to you.” 

 _He didn’t.  Why hadn’t Steve told him that Carter knew?  Well, there were plenty of potential reasons, the most realistic one being that Bucky had freaked out when Angie found out, and his reaction yesterday certainly wasn’t the best._    

“No one is out to get you, Barnes.  We’re your friends, we’ve got your back.” Angie squeezed his forearm reassuringly.  “I think you should also give the boys a little bit more credit.  They practically idolize you. I doubt they’d want to burn you at the stake if you told them you wanted to date boys. Hell, they’d probably be relieved that they didn’t have to compete against you for all the attention from the girls anymore.” 

“I still like girls, I just… boys are nice too.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. 

She smiled softly at him.  “They’re your friends, they love you, trust them to be… cool with all this.” 

“Maybe.”  Bucky gave her an eyebrow raise.  “I’ll see you at the race tomorrow?” 

She grinned.  “You betcha.”  Angie went to walk out of the classroom when she stopped herself.  “Hey, Barnes.” 

He looked back to her.  “Hmm?” 

“Please take care of yourself,” she said quietly before exiting the classroom. 

Bucky nodded, watching her go.  He picked his stuff up and went to class.  The last thing he needed was to retake his senior year of high school.  He had enough problems to deal with already. 

* * *

 

The next day they went down to the yard for Gabe’s race.  Both the Howlies and the SSR showed up.  They waited for The Hydras to finally get there, it wasn’t unlike them to arrive fashionably late.  Surprisingly to Bucky, Gabe’s nerves started to get to him.  Gabe hardly ever got nervous.  Bucky had seen him do things far more ballsy than this and not blink an eye.   

The other boy was sweating and it was clear he wasn’t feeling well. 

Bucky pulled him aside.  “You okay?” He asked once they were out of earshot. 

Gabe nodded.  “Yeah--yeah, I… I think so.” 

“You sure, they’re not here yet, we can get out of here and just tell everyone they were no shows.  It wouldn’t really be a lie.  You don’t gotta do this,” He said earnestly. 

As Bucky finished talking the Hyrdas drove in.  They were all there Zemo, Rumlow, Rollins and Sitwell.  Bucky hated each and everyone of them, they were pompous, self-centered, ashholes.  Rumlow was just the one who got under his skin the most. 

“You ready?” Rumlow asked the second that Bucky and Jones got back to the group. 

Gabe nodded.  “We should be asking you that,  didn’t think you had the guts to show.” 

Bucky resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  There was never any doubt that the Hydras would have eventually shown up. 

“Let’s just get this over with,” Rumlow spat. 

They each walked back over to their respective cars, and just as Gabe was about to get into his brand new car… he vomited… all over the pavement. 

“Shit,” Bucky muttered as he ran over to his friend.  “You okay?” 

Gabe nodded, but he was clammy and it was obvious something was wrong. 

“What did you drink some expired milk or somethin’?” Bucky asked.  He doubted the illness was from Gabe’s nerves, he’d seen Jones about to do some messed up shit and not bat an eye, this had to be something else. 

He shrugged.  “I don’t know, man.”  Gabe went to enter the car, but had to stop it was clear he still felt nauseous. 

“Hey,” Rumlow called.  “What’s the hold up?” 

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch!” Bucky snapped back.  He turned to Gabe.  “I can race it if you want.  You’re clearly not feelin’ well.” 

At first Gabe looked as if he was going to argue, but he just nodded.  “Thanks, I can’t drive like this.” 

Bucky nodded.  He gave Gabe a sympathetic look as he hopped in the car, the last thing he wanted was to take this moment away from his friend, that said, there was no way Gabe would want them to walk away from this either. 

As Bucky  drove over to where the race was about to start, he caught a glimpse of Steve standing next to Peggy.  Well if there was one thing Bucky couldn’t do now it was lose.  He was not about to make a fool of himself in front of Steve… not again at least. 

When the race started it was pretty neck and neck.  While Gabe’s car had certainly improved, it was far from perfect.  Rumlow’s car also appeared to have a few upgrades, it was running nicer than Bucky had seen it drive in a while, no wonder he was so eager to race it.   

While the cars were pretty evenly matched, it was a relief that Bucky was an overall superior driver to Rumlow.  He was better at getting around the turns than Rumlow was, his reflexes were alse better.  It was still a pretty close race for the most part, at times Bucky had the lead, other moments Rumlow.  They were just about neck and neck when they began to approach the finish.  Bucky knew that if he wanted to win this race for Gabe, then he was gonna have to get aggressive.  He quickly sped up just enough to cut Rumlow off, who on instinct hit the brakes.  Bucky was lucky for the timing because he was able to take a substantial lead as he crossed the finish line. 

In the moment that followed, Bucky felt like a hero.  He was practically mobbed by both the SSR and the Howlies in congratulations.  He got caught up in the moment that by the time he finally went to look for Steve, he was gone.  Maybe that was his window, Steve had probably come to talk and Bucky had again got caught up in his friends.  This time, however, he was almost at peace with it.  His friends were important too, and this time he was right to have his attention on them.  So he reveled in the small victory and paid for burgers and pop for everyone who had cared enough to stick around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me about it on [Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


	10. You're the One that I Want

Chapter 10- You’re the One That I Want 

The following week was the last week of the school year.  Bucky decided that he would spend the remaining time with his friends.  He wasn’t sure where life would take them all after graduation and he wanted to see them as much as possible.  Plus they were a nice distraction from Steve.   

It was Tuesday, when Angie stopped him as they were leaving class.  “What are your plans for after High School?” 

Bucky shrugged.  “I’m gonna try to study under a mechanic, you?” 

“I don’t know,” she confessed.  “I mean I could always keep waitin’ tables, but I’m thinkin’ maybe I could be an actress or somethin’.” 

“You’d be great at that,” Bucky said honestly.   

She smiled.  “Thanks, Barnes.”  Angie went to walk away before she stopped herself. “Oh, I almost forgot, the SSR want to do something sweet for the Howlies.  Can I borrow your jacket?  I’ll get it back to you by the end of school, I promise.” 

Bucky shrugged off his Howling Commando Jacket, and looked at it for a moment.  He wasn’t sure if he’d even wear if after the last day of school.  He smiled fondly for a moment as he handed it over to Angie.  “Take as long as you need.  I don’t have much use for it anymore.” 

Angie rolled her eyes.  “Please, I’m sure you boys will be wearing this things when you’re old and grey.  I promise I’ll return it in good condition.” 

Bucky laughed, shaking his head a bit.  “Thanks, Martinelli.” 

She took the jacket from him, and walked out the classroom door. 

* * *

 

The rest of the week was spent handing in a few last minute assignments and seeing his friends as much as possible.  They must have gone to the diner every single day that week.  It was probably the most fun that they had had that entire year; just hanging out and cracking jokes.  Bucky wasn’t even preoccupied and he almost was able to forget that so many people knew his secret now.  He had to admit it was a huge weight off his shoulders, but he hadn’t seen much of Steve.  It was as if the other boy was purposely avoiding him and Bucky knew when to take a hint.  They gave it their all.  Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. 

On the other hand Bucky’s relationship with his parents had taken a surprising turn.  While his father didn’t talk about it much, there was clearly a new mutual understanding and appreciation between the three of them.  His parents were making more of an effort to see what he was up to and who he was hanging out with.  He wasn’t necessarily sure if that good or bad yet, but he appreciated them making an effort nonetheless.  It made him wonder though, what really went down with his sister?  Sure his parents were far from perfect but they were trying and he was almost certain that if they were understanding about _his_ situation, they would have been even better with whatever skeleton that Rebecca was hiding in her closet. 

The day before the last day of school, Bucky and his parents had to attend a sports awards dinner.  At first Bucky was gonna blow it off but when he mentioned it in passing, his parents were so thrilled and surprised that they insisted they go as a family. 

They arrived at the school, and Bucky was almost certain that this was a terrible idea.  He didn’t need his parents seeing his teachers and where he attended school.  He hadn’t exactly made the best name for himself. 

They walked into the cafeteria, and his coach made a b-line towards them.  Bucky wanted to die, the last thing that he needed was for the coach to tell his parents how he did all this to impress some girl, especially since they would know it was really just for Steve. 

“I’m sorry,” The coach said to Bucky’s parents.  “Are you James’s mother and father?” 

His mother nodded politely.  “Yes, I’m Winnifred and this my husband George.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.  I’m your son’s swim coach.  I don’t believe that I saw you at any of the meets this season.  If I missed you then I apologize--” 

His mother shook his head.  “No, no.  We… James actually kept this a secret to surprise us, with the varsity letter.  I told him I could sew it onto one of his sweaters, or even make him a new one.” 

“You don’t have to, Ma,” Bucky said, shaking his head a bit. 

“I just wanted to tell you,” the coach piped up again.  “That your son is one of the hardest working athletes that I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.  I didn’t make it easy for him, and he only ever lost one race this season.  That’s pretty much unheard of for a rookie.  Trust me, your son really earned his letter.” 

“We’re very proud of him,” His father said, shaking the other man’s hand.  “I just wish he would’ve told us about all this sooner.” 

Bucky looked down, not sure how to respond.  There was certainly enough subtext in that for him to get the message.  His father was _proud of him_ and he didn’t want there to be any more secrets between them.  If there was one thing he did learn out from this whole ordeal was that he could confide in his parents, that was something he hadn’t believed for so long. 

Bucky glanced across the room as his parents continued to talk to his coach.  He saw Steve sitting between his aunt and uncle at the same table as Sam Wilson.  They were hard to miss since Donnie Blake was being his usual boisterous self at the table next to them.  Just as Bucky was about to look away he and Steve made eye contact.  Steve gave him a sad smile before his attention went back to his aunt. 

Bucky forced himself to look back to his parents who were still expressing their surprise and praise for his accomplishments.  “If it’s alright with you guys,” Bucky interjected.  “I think we really should sit down or somethin’, it’s supposed to start soon.” 

His coach checked his watch.  “Ah, yes, I need to prepare everything.  Congratulations, and it was a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Barnes.” 

“Likewise,” His father said as the coach scurried off. 

“Sorry about that,” Bucky said.  “He’s usually not that chatty.” 

His mother waved dismissively.  “Please, I’m glad to hear that you’ve excelling.  I just wish we had seen it earlier.” 

Bucky shrugged.  “Don’t worry about it, Mom.  I wasn’t exactly offering up the information.  Besides this started out as a way to… impress you know who.” 

“Ah,” His mother said, shaking her head.  “I don’t care what, or who, got you into it, _you_ accomplished all this on your own.  I’m proud of you, James.” 

“We both are.” His father said quietly, not quite looking him in the eye.  His father was not a man of many words, and typically deferred to his mother when it came to parenting but his message was clear.  They _both_ supported him. 

“Thanks,” Bucky said, trying to brush it off.  “Let’s sit over here.”  He sat down at one of the only empty tables left that didn’t have a direct view of Steve or Wilson. 

The rest of the night went off without a hitch.  Bucky was awarded his varsity letter along with every other senior athlete.  It meant much more to his parents than it did to him, but the fact that they were making a big deal about it made him much happier than he would care to admit. 

They went back home after the banquet, and Bucky was just glad that they didn’t run into Steve on the way out.  When they got home he just decided to call it a night, he was glad that his parents were being supportive, but he still wasn’t sure what he wanted in terms of Steve.  He thought it was over with, he thought he was _over_ Steve.  Seeing him at the dinner… it just reminded him that he missed the other boy. 

* * *

 The next morning Bucky ate his usual breakfast and got his stuff together.  As he was about to leave the house his mother stopped him.  “James, James, wait!” 

He stopped short holding the door open with one arm. 

“I made this up for you,” She said, holding out a sweater--a _brand new seater_ , with his varsity letter sewn onto it. 

He gaped at it.  “Did you--you must’ve been up all night making this.  You really didn’t have to do that.” 

She gave him a sad smile.  “Yeah I did.  It was really the least I could do.” 

Bucky smiled back, giving her a quick hug.  “Thanks, Mom.”  He went out the door and to his car, the last day of high school.  It was strange, something that once seemed so distant and unattainable was now here.  It would be cliche if Bucky admitted how fast it all went, but it really had gone by in the blink of an eye. 

When he pulled into the parking lot he looked fondly at his usual spot.  Would he ever park here again?  Would some other punk claim it for themselves? It was strange to think that his time at Lehigh might be over, with the exception of graduation, it wasn’t likely he’d ever be there before his ten year reunion. 

He walked into the school, wearing his sweater proudly.  No one would dare give Bucky Barnes shit for being a jock, even if it was his last day, and the sweater was a little lame.  In fact a bunch of people came up to him to congratulate him… probably too scared to say anything else to his face about it. 

Angie walked up to him in the hall, big grin on her face.  “Well I’ll be damned, are you, James Buchanan Barnes, a _jock_?  I never thought I’d see the day.  Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Relax, I was on the swim team to impress Rogers.  It actually worked a bit.” 

She snorted.  “Well how could it not, look at you, I’m surprised he could keep his hands off you in this sweater,” Angie said sarcastically. 

“ _Thanks_ , Martinelli, means a lot comin’ from you.  Believe it or not, it _did_ work for a little while.  You still got my jacket by any chance?” Bucky changed the subject. 

She waved dismissively at him.  “Don’t worry, you’ll get it by the end of the day.” 

He shook his head.  “Whatever, Ang.  I’ll see you at the carnival in a bit?” 

“Damn right you will,” she answered, waving as she walked down the hall towards the other SSR girls. 

Bucky sighed as he watched them go.  He glanced around.  There was no sign of Steve.  Clearly the other boy was still avoiding him.  He shook his head as he headed out to the fields to see the carnival that the school had set up for the seniors. 

It wasn’t that done up, just a few rides and some carnival games.  Still, it was better than sitting in class.  He glanced around, hoping to find either Steve or the Howlies.  He saw Connie flirting in up with Donnie Blake.  Oh the irony surrounding that.  Bucky just rolled his eyes. 

“What the hell is this?” He heard Dum Dum call from behind him. 

Bucky shook his head in amusement as he turned around.  He extended his arms and turned slightly; modelling the sweater. “So you don’t like it then?” 

“I just can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” Falsworth said shaking his head back at Bucky.  “What did you even letter in?” 

“Swimming,” Bucky said unenthusiastically.  “I really just did it to pass P.E.” 

“Man, we should’ve followed your lead.  Most of us got suck going to summer school over failing P.E.” Dum Dum crossed his arms. 

Bucky made a face.  “That’s rough, man.” 

“Too bad you didn’t tell us about the deal you made,” Dernier shook his head. 

Bucky laughed.  “Sorry, I assumed you guys had that taken care of.  Don’t worry, I’m sure summer school won’t be too horrible.” 

“Still you could have--oh my god,” He cut himself off.  “Carter sure is determined.” 

Bucky raised his eyebrows.  “What are you talking about?” 

“Turn around,” Gabe said, eyes widened.  

Bucky rolled his eyes as he slowly turned around.  Nothing that the guys said could have prepared him for what he saw.  Standing across the yard from them was _Steve._ But Steve was barely recognizable.  His hair was greased up, he had sunglasses on, and his clothes. They were _tight_ , and left _nothing_ to the imagination.  But the icing on the cake was that he was wearing a Howling Commando jacket, not just _any_ Howling Commando jacket,  _Bucky’s_ jacket.  It was the too tightest thing on him, but all it did was emphasize how _ripped_ Steve was. 

Bucky couldn’t breathe, hell he could hardly move, he just could not take his eyes off of Steve.  He felt as if he was dreaming.  He _had_ to be dreaming.  There was no other explanation for why one of his wildest fantasies was coming true before his eyes. 

Bucky wasn’t sure what came over him.  One moment he was standing with the Howlies, the next he was walking over to Steve.  No real plan, just gravitating towards the other boy. 

Steve met his eyes for a moment and blushed, taking off the sunglasses.  “I know I look kind of ridiculous but--” 

Bucky wasn’t sure what possessed him to do it, but he couldn’t help himself.  It was as if he forgot where he was, and who was there with him.  He grabbed the collar of Steve’s jacket--well _Bucky’s_ jacket--and kissed Steve passionately. 

Steve grinned into the kiss, draping his arms around Bucky’s neck, pulling him closer. Bucky tugged tighter on the jacket, terrified of breaking apart from him.   

Eventually, they did have to separate and then they did everything came crashing down around them.  _Everyone_ was looking at them.  His friends jaws were dropped, Sam Wilson wore an amused expression, and everyone else just stared.  Some people looked purely surprised, while others looked almost disgusted.  The previously noisy carnival was now silent, no one looking away from the couple. 

Angie cleared her throat.  “What’s everyone lookin’ for?  This ain’t a damn peep show, mind your business.” 

That seemed to be enough to remind people _who_ they were looking at.  Bucky was still the leader of the Howling Commandos, there was still a level of fear there, he still had some strange power over them.  No matter how many people were offended or disgusted by the display, none of them had the balls to say a word, at least not while he was surrounded by the Howlies and SSR. 

Bucky turned back to Steve.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to out you in front of everyone.” 

Steve shook his head, smiling. “Shut up, Buck.” He wrapped his arms back around Bucky’s neck and kissed him again.  Bucky put his hands on Steve’s ass trying to pull him even closer to him. 

This time they broke apart because Dugan cleared his throat right in Bucky’s ear. 

Bucky sighed.  “Um… yeah.  I get it if you guys don’t want to talk to me… ever--” 

“Please, Barnes,” Dum Dum rolled his eyes.  “You think we care who you screw?  We’re just pissed you lied.” 

Gabe piped up.  “I actually saw this coming from a mile away.”  That sparked a bit of a debate between the guys.  They were jokingly arguing about which ones supposedly knew and which ones didn’t have a clue.  However the general consensus was that they were all just mad he didn’t tell anyone. 

“Not sayin’ I get it, Barnes,” Morita jumped in.  “But I’m just glad that you’re gonna be leaving some of the ladies for us.” 

“Still could’ve told us though,” Flasworth added. 

Bucky groaned.  “In my defense, I wasn’t sure how you’d react.  That said, there was no girl down by the beach.  Just Steve.” 

Dernier laughed.  “Who could blame you, I’m straight as an arrow but even I’ve gotta admit you landed yourself a good lookin’ guy.” 

Bucky laughed.  “Yeah he’s pretty great.” 

Steve blushed as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  Bucky placed his arm around Steve’s waist, as the guys left them alone.  “Look, Steve, I know I messed up--”[Text Wrapping Break]“No, no.  I mean you did, but… I realized that you were making so many efforts and juggling so much.  When I saw you race, it hit me, you put everyone else first.  I asked the girls for help with… this,” he motioned to his outfit, “to show you that I’m willing to meet you halfway.” Steve smiled.  “I also love the letterman sweater by the way.” 

Bucky laughed.  “My mom made it.  She actually knows about us, my dad too, but apparently she knew the whole time.  That’s why she was acting so weird when you spent the night.” 

“I’m glad that she’s okay with it.  You seemed really happy at the varsity dinner last night,” Steve said honestly, taking Bucky’s hand as they walked around the carnival.  “I missed you.” 

“Steve, I missed you so much, I just… I figured you wanted someone better,” Bucky confessed. 

Steve shook his head.  “Buck, for me there is no better.  You act like I’m so much better than you or somethin’, but I’ve been spending the whole school year trying to figure out why you chose me instead of anyone else.  This is a two way street, and I’m sorry it took me so long to get with the program.  _I_ wanna be with _you_.” 

Bucky grinned as he leaned Steve up against the shake shack.  “I sure was hoping you’d say that, Brooklyn.”  He kissed Steve again, not caring who else could possibly see.  Sure, things would be far from perfect, and there was no way things would stay this easy for long, but in that moment, things were as perfect as perfect could be.  Bucky’s friends and family knew his secret and as of right now, no one cared.  It wouldn’t always be like that and who knows, maybe some just didn’t know how to approach him, but he was happy.  He was here at the carnival with a guy he was so lucky to have.  It was funny really, it took him the whole year to realize that he wasn’t doing something so terrible and wrong; that there were far worse things he could do than date another boy.  He knew one thing for certain, he was not about to give Steve up without a fight, ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to just thank my two artists who worked so hard on creating media for this fic. They were absolutely incredible! The first is [Blackhaireddemon](http://blackhaireddemon.tumblr.com/) who created [this wonderful piece](http://blackhaireddemon.tumblr.com/image/149635820040) (that I will embed on the first chapter!) and the second to [GCKinsey](http://gckinsey.tumblr.com) who created [a fantastic fanmix](http://gckinsey.tumblr.com/post/149621891556/summertime-blues-eddie-cochran-1958-i-wonder) ! I was so blessed to be able to work with both of them on this! Finally I need to thank my beta reader and best friend [Anne](http://melsmalone.tumblr.com/) I don't think this would be readable without her! Please feel free to talk to me on [tumblr](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com) I am always accepting prompts!

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me about it on [Tumblr?](http://karadanverss.tumblr.com/ask)


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